HO Asks you to Come 2 or 3 Days Early

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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I had a situation last spring in which the HO asked me to arrive at least two days early so I could “get orientated.” I agreed because I was already in the area, but I definitely had reservations. Spending an afternoon and/or evening and staying overnight with a stranger (even having met via video chats, etc.) isn’t super problematic if it’s not a single man (as a single woman, I wouldn’t accept such a sit), but being asked to come that much earlier is a red flag, I think. For one thing, that suggests that your time will not be your own before the sit even begins officially. For another, that suggests that the HOs expectations are probably going to be excessive if it takes that long to train a sitter.

That was definitely the case with that sit. She had added pages and pages to her HO manual. She stood over me while I did things like load the dishwasher and directed me, like I’d never before put dishes in a dishwasher or was just flinging them in their willy nilly. The two days was like that–so stressful. By the second evening, when she was ordering me to set my alarm for 5 am (!!!) to get up and walk the dogs before traffic got heavier (it was a rural sit and there was never heavy traffic; you only crossed one small road when walking the dogs), I had finally had enough. I said, “You are stressing me out so badly! I’ve been pet sitting for 20 years and alive much longer. I don’t need more training.” She responded by gaslighting me. Ugh. I asked her to please just let me go to sleep. The next morning she apologized and wanted to “hug it out.” What?

Honestly, I’d have left if I could have and then it would have been a battle to get any support from THS.

One thing I’m adamant about since that experience: I will not arrive more than one night before the sit and, if the house is small, I ask the HO to cover a hotel room nearby. It’s not up to me to cover the expense of unpaid training for an unpaid gig. Ugh.

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2

I agree. And such days should be a part of the official sit.

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I think it’s important to establish boundaries with home owners like this. I had a sit earlier this year where I was asked to come a couple of days early, and the home owner wanted me to visit ‘a few times’ so the dog could get used to me. Not only did that indicate an overbearing home owner, but also a lack of respect for my time, as if it was possible for me to be at her beck and call. I declined her requests, and told her I would visit once prior to the sit and arrive early the day they were travelling for handover.

It actually turned out to be a great experience, and I sensed a shift in the HO from expectation to appreciation, and a mutual respect. I wouldn’t do a sit where I was expected to arrive days in advance as I hate being micromanaged, and your experience confirms that such home owners start out with a lack of trust which I don’t feel is conducive to an enjoyable sit!

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4

We’ve only had one sit that asked us to arrive 2 days earlier, but it was the complete opposite of yours, it was a brilliant experience in our scenario.

Our HO’s were the type that embraced life and fully appreciated their sitters, they were lovely. They shared their life-as-a-local with us, so we got to go to a pottery class, visited a fantastic chinese restaurant that we would never have crossed the threshold to without them as it looked bedraggled, but the food and ambience was amazing once inside, I visited their allotment, and discovered so sooooo much more about their life as a local. It was fantastic. We just went with the flow and lived-life-in-the-moment.

We really loved it, they were amazing hosts, but you’ve had a very different sort of HO by what you have said. I really feel for you.

Their dogs were amazing too.

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5

I’d play by ear and use judgment. Depends on the circumstances.

My host in Scotland asked me to come a couple of days early. No biggie.

She showed me her routine and I told her I didn’t need guidance on things like the washing machine. She ended up mentioning positively in her review that I was experienced and didn’t need blow by blow.

There was relatively little to learn, because her home was well organized and her dog was a sweetheart. We went on a walk together and she showed me how smart her dog was with commands.

During the extra time, she encouraged me to do sightseeing, which I did. She also drove me to Waitrose for a shop, which was handy for heavy stuff, even though it was nearby.

She’s since offered me two repeat sits, which I would’ve happily done, had our schedules matched. Unfortunately not, but maybe in the future.

Separately, I had an early sit where it was more convenient for me to arrive in town two days early. I mentioned that to my hosts and they welcomed me early, even picked me up at the airport. It was totally friendly and relaxed. They were leaving me a car to use and even extended that offer early, if I wanted to go out during our overlap.

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6

Hi @DebraAT
I think arriving the day before is normal but longer than this generally doesn’t work for me for a number of reasons.
I posted on here about a sit in Cyprus the HO wanted me to arrive a full week beforehand and stay in the on site resort luxury hotel to ‘get to know me’ before the weeks sit started. This was at my cost - 2500 euro’s for the week. It was a hard no thanks from me.

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7

Sometimes the host is over anxious and asks for the two days to familiarise the sitter with everything. This is only half the reason. They also want to reassure themselves they have made the correct decision and the sitter can cope. They then go into long winded discussions about everything that could go wrong, how to work everything, to the point of showing how the kettle works (yes that has happened to us).
It’s really reassurance they want/need. It can be very awkward. In that circumstance it’s best to listen, nod and smile a lot then take the dogs for a long long walk without the host. The dogs will come back with their tails wagging and loving you. The host will see this and all will be good. A bottle of wine will be opened and travel stories exchanged.
Well, that’s what usually happens .

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8

Yup. Sitting is about humans relating to humans. If you come across as competent about the home and the pets quickly take to you, the hosts will be less nervous (if they are, which I’ve not had trouble with sitting wise).

I say the above, because humans are humans. Like I’ve worked for a micromanager in the past, careerwise, and quickly figured out how to reprogram his behavior by over communicating at the start. He quickly eased off on me, but continued to micromanage others. Likewise with a bullying manager, whom I handled quickly, without a blow-up.

If a host turns out to be overzealous, despite your having done due diligence to avoid such hosts in the first place (which I highly recommend), you also can be friendly yet direct and let them know that you’ve got it.

You can say for instance, I know you’re nervous about leaving your home and pets, but I’ve done (X number) of sits with great results. That’s why you picked me. We both want a great sit and things will work out better if you trust that you’re leaving everything in good hands. I’m good without directions on how to do X.

Repeat as needed.

By contrast, gritting your teeth and trying to go along with over zealousness till you can’t take it any longer is actually more likely to lead to an unnecessary blow-up, as you experienced.

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How do you detect overzealousness in a video call? (Asking as a HO who asks sitters to arrive at least 24 hours before we leave.)

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@KChev I believe in considering things holistically, because some things that look minor in isolation can add up and be good warning signs.

• How they write their listing — content and tone
• How they come across in messaging — content and tone
• How they come across in the video chat — content, tone and demeanor, including what kind of Qs they ask. Depending on how they’re coming across, I might ask them to tell me about their pet or home routines. I ask broadly, then listen for how detailed, rigid and/or controlling they seem.
• How their welcome guide comes across — content and tone. I expect a WG (on THS or whatever format) early. I look for how detailed and rigid the info is.

For example, I just did a video chat with a first-time THS host and I could tell by her demeanor, questions and other comms that she’s easygoing and appreciative, even though of course doing this for the first time can make many folks nervous. And they have a high-end home in San Francisco.

Likewise with my last sit, we had easygoing exchanges from the outset and the sit went well, with appreciation from them and me. And that was a high-end home in Portland.

For THS, life experience can help a lot. Like I’m in my 50s and have been around, owned homes, interviewed many people, etc. That helps me notice things that a less experienced person might not. Plus, the more experienced and relaxed you are, the better you can put a host at ease, so even though they might be over zealous or nervous with someone else, they might not be with you.

To me, it’s better to risk missing a sit over a false negative than to risk a bad sit because you didn’t pay attention to warning signs. And I’m not bothered if someone doesn’t think I’m a good match for them. THS is a matching platform. There’s no reason to expect everyone to match well.

Of course, everyone’s experiences and personalities differ, so results vary, depending on the pairings. So far, 19 sits in and more planned, I’ve found THS sitting pretty straightforward and a pleasure — I wouldn’t bother if it weren’t.

Some sitters and hosts make compromises for various reasons, ignoring warning signs. Their choice, but chances of things going sideways are much greater.

11

We were asked to arrive 2 days early. I declined advising that we would arrive the evening before. It turns out that she had invited all of the neighbours for a soiree to meet us the evening that we arrived. I suspect that she wanted me there early to help out with the catering which of course didn’t happen.

We took her to the station the next morning and as she was getting out of the car she said “So I will be back on…” which was the day after we had agreed.
I reminded her that we would be leaving on the day that we agreed.

She was “something big on tv” and expected her own way but didn’t get it with us.

We received a glowing review so just stick to your principles

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12

When we started out, we didn’t know better and hadn’t yet learnt our boundaries and what we’re looking for in a pet sit. We used to just say ‘yes, sure’ to every request, even if that was to arrive 2 or 3 days in advance. But after 4 years of sitting, we’ve learnt a lot and know how to set our boundaries. It’s helpful to write on your sitter profile what kind of handover you’re seeking. For us, we state on our profile that we’re happy to arrive the evening before if the owner has an early morning departure, but otherwise we’ll arrive on the day for a handover. We also make it clear that we’re quite self sufficient, don’t require extensive handovers or neighbourhood tours, and that a simple outline on Google Maps for any preferred dog walking route works perfectly for us. This way, owners can gauge straight away if we’re a good match, and we can avoid wasting anyone’s time that expects a lengthy handover.

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13

In my application, I note that I usually prefer to arrive a day ahead, in case of travel delays and to get a solid handoff. I mention that I’m open to discussing that.

I’ve done handoffs before when the host had already left, but that’s not my preference.

For me, overlapping has been great. I’ve enjoyed getting to know all of those hosts and they’ve all shown hospitality. Just accepted another sit today and my hosts and I will overlap by a day. They’re first-timers and have already expressed appreciation, plus hope I’ll repeat sit for their cats in San Francisco.

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14

Not a sitter (yet) but an owner who recently experienced our first “sit.” I did suggest to our sitter that she arrive a early but not because I was worried about our overly friendly dog - every new person is a potential new best friend to her. It was because our house is fairly large and fairly high tech. Our sitter planned on working remotely in our absence and I also wanted to be sure she had all she needed for that.

As I went though the house writing up the listing I became more and more aware of the amount of things that required some very specific knowledge - Nest thermostats and smoke detectors, complex dishwasher and laundry, digital locks, entertainment systems, automatic lighting, internet devices, etc. Even after dumbing it down as much as possible, it was quite a bit of detail. We were going to be gone for 4 weeks and out of the country for most of that so difficult to answer questions in a timely manner.

Our sitter agreed to the early hand-off - after a successful Zoom meeting and several email and text conversations - and she arrived the evening before our very early departure. An hour or so of walking her around the house was all it took for both of us to be comfortable and gave us time to show her the neighborhood where our dog likes to walk and we pointed out Daisy’s “friends” (other dogs) she knows.

The remainder of the evening the four of us (me, wife, sitter, and Daisy) chatted and got to know each other a bit. It was a very pleasant experience and we left felling like we had made a new friend.

My point to all this is, don’t immediately discount meeting a bit before, but I think a few hours or one day is enough. More than that is kinda weird IMO. Our sitter arrived after dinnertime and we were departing at 5am the next morning so we spent about 3hrs total before bedtime. In the future, I think I would ask for that again.

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Welcome to the Forum, @StuartS :slight_smile: what a considerate thing to do for your sitter! I’m sure the technophobes among us would be really grateful for an owner who recognised that a bit of help might be needed in a high-tech home!

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Hi, and thanks for the welcome!

I probably will eventually write up a “Home Guide” binder with all the technical stuff in it along with pictures and include some local info and emergency numbers as well. We’ve done that in the past (previous home) because we were traveling abroad and doing home swapping. I just didn’t have enough time before this visit to get it complete enough.