I would love to see what others think of this pickle I’m in regarding my recent sitter. A little backstory: This particular sitter has lots of five star reviews which is one of the reasons I chose her.
Before we left she & I were chatting about the cbd industry (she said she worked for a cbd company) and when I said I’d look into some of the product she recommended I check out for better sleep, she generously gifted me a few samples she had in her suitcase. I was surprised and touched by her generosity and offered to pay her for the small sampling of gummies she set aside for me. Her reply was “no, and I wish I had more to give you!” Ironically, I ended up tossing them in the trash after realizing I wasn’t going to eat them. Now, with what I’m currently dealing with I wish I’d never accepted them in the first place.
This sitter watched my animals for 11 days and all went beautifully with their care. Unfortunately, the care of my home was a but strange and my kitchen ended up being pretty gross to come home to, but I gave that a pass since nobody’s perfect & my animals were happy.
I sent her a gift of $100 in the form of an amazon gift card as a thank you for the sit.
Flash forward to now - I received a text from her saying she lost her job asking me for grocery money. I chose not to reply to her text and she’s now texted me again asking me to pay her for the “gummies I used” … eek. This is so awkward and I’m wondering if any of you have ever experienced anything like this with any of the TH sitters before?
That’s totally out of line. You were generous in gifting and in spirit and she’s maybe taken that as a sign that you’re a soft touch. I suggest telling her, unfortunately, you can’t help her and then blocking her. Or just ignore and block.
If you suspect it’s definitely the sitter( because of the reference to the gummies that she gifted you) - you can report the sitter to THS - raise a member dispute, screenshot the messages -
By waiting until after the reviews were published no one can write negatively about this .
However, THS may have a record if it’s been reported that she’s done anything like this previously (after review received )
I will offer my house and pet sitting services free of charge, in exchange for a place to stay.
I think the $100 gift card was a lovely gesture, and I don’t think there’s any circumstance where it’s fair to offer someone a free sample e.g. gummies and then ask for payment after the fact.
As mentioned by @Silversitters I would recommend contacting Membership Services directly to make them aware of what’s happened, you can do so by emailing support@trustedhousesitters.com, and provide any relevant evidence e.g. screenshots of the requests for money. They’ll be able to see if this is a pattern of behaviour with this sitter.
Please do let us know how you get on, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.
I was also hoping it was a simple scam - then when the gummies were mentioned, I sadly knew it was the real person. I followed the advice and blocked the number so I don’t see anymore texts.
In response to the q about where the text came from - it was a cell number, not through TH’s app portal.
I had reported to THS when the initial grocery money request came through and will most likely have to report again after receiving the request to pay her back for the gummies. If I hadn’t tossed them in my bin yesterday I could have mailed those back to her!
I was able to locate the tickets with Membership Services @aislinn6218 - I’ve let the team know about the additional detail and shared your forum post so they’ve got all the context.
I am so sorry this happened to you, and glad you are reporting it through THS.
I had a similar circumstance with a non-sitter service provider and sadly it taught me to never - NEVER - mix money with “mutual exchange”. Whether that is offering samples from a sitters’ business (which she shouldn’t have done), or providing a cash equivalent in the form of a gift card (which was kindly meant, but changed the nature of the exchange - how might your feeling about the stay have changed if she had given you a $100 gift card for the stay?), once money has entered the picture, the whole scene morphs into a transactional one.
As has been touched upon in other threads, maintaining boundaries on THS is key to its’ success. I wouldn’t offer my dental hygienist a $100 gift card for giving me a good cleaning - that is his JOB. I wouldn’t accept free samples of a potentially psychoactive commercial product from someone I’ve just met, as the primary purpose of free samples is to lure in a future customer. The nature of housesitting unfortunately lends itself to blurred lines. Keeping the lines clear prevents all kinds of trouble down the road.
Please be sure, @aislinn6218 , that I am not blaming the victim here - and you are a victim of this sitter, and I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m just outlining this thought process for those new to the platform: Both sitters and hosts have to stay in their lane for this system to work. If either would prefer a monetary transaction over a mutual exchange, they should engage in a paid service rather than THS.
For any future host feeling moved to provide a gift card or some other cash equivalent, please, please look deeply into your heart and ask yourself both, “Why? What is the real reason I want to do this?” and “What are the potential consequences for introducing money into this relationship?” If it is about gratitude, the best way to show gratitude is with a glowing review. If it is about feeling sorry for the sitter, recognize that they are an adult who has made adult choices, and they AGREED to do the sit in exchange for a clean, safe place to stay and time with a pet: Nothing more, nothing less. They could have signed up to be a paid sitter, and didn’t.
We’ve received many thoughtful gifts of appreciation from hosts (including gift cards ) and we would never ask hosts for money . Even when they ask us back for a repeat sit we don’t ask for our travel expenses.
I agree. I think that’s a lot of money and will start to raise expectations of similar tips. Tipping culture has gotten completely out of control in the US particularly.
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to write in and voice your opinions.
I can truly see both sides of the sitter-gifting argument.
In this case I got a bit burned which I can see is not the norm for THS.
Part of what made me feel hesitant to even report her to THS is that during the sit she had access to all of my personal business info via my home office.
I actually felt afraid that if I upset her through reporting her that she could potentially write bad fake google or yelp reviews about the customer service based business I run in my small city and potentially damage my reputation as an act of vengeance.
That’s such a terrible thing to admit on the forum, but after receiving her texts and feeling badgered by her I came to the conclusion that she is unwell and I had a “holy smokes - this unwell girl was knee deep in my personal items” moment.
I appreciate having a place like this forum to receive fresh perspectives through.
I can well understand why you’d be uneasy. Sorry this happened to you. I hope member services can provide some resolution.
Dunno if it’s any consolation, but, she might not have been interested in your personal information/office at the time, and if things only got weird after the fact, she might not have any information to do anything with.
At worst, if she did write you some bad reviews, there’s always the option to reply to them, isn’t there?, and to explain what happened. If you have otherwise good reviews for your business, people can generally see through an inappropriate or ill-informed one.
I’ve received many gifts from HOs including bottles of wine, prosecco, chocolates, gift baskets with an assortment of treats, gift cards to local cafes, gift cards to local grocery stores and a couple visa gift cards. One lovely host in the UK left afternoon tea for me and my daughter. These gifts have never felt like a payment or even a tip. These are the same hosts that are also kind and appreciative in other ways such as leaving spotless homes, leaving lots of space in the refrigeration, emptying a drawer or two and leaving closet space so I can unpack. They are just thoughtful, generous people. I would feel very rude declining any of these gifts. If a host left me a gift, I often leave something for them in return. To me, none of this takes away from the mutual exchange nature of THS.
Thank you - this sums up why I think tips should never be part of THS. It takes something that is about exchange and makes it transactional.
OTOH, I do usually leave a gift card for a neighborhood cafe or restaurant for the sitter to use during they stay. I’ve had a couple of sitters not use them, which is fine. I think of gift cards to use during the sit, or a bottle of wine and a thank you card as hospitality, not compensation - plus it helps support some of my favorite local businesses.
ETA: @aislinn6218 I’m so sorry this happened to you. The very best case I can think of is that this sitter lost her job after the sit and panicked, trying to come up with any way to get some money she could think of. Not ok in the least, but sometimes people do wild things when they are desperate.
This falls under the category of “slippery slope”. THS is a mutual exchange. Logically, then, sitters should in turn tip the homeowners. So a homeowner gives me a $100 gift card, and then I give them a $100 gift card - it devolves into silliness.
In every culture I have ever encountered, those who offer the money signal by doing so that they are dominant/superior and those who accept the money signal that they are submissive/inferior. If a host ever let me a cash tip, I would give them a low rating on hospitality, express my disappointment in their understanding of mutuality in my review, and never sit for them again.
Thoughtful gifts are a completely different thing. A $100 gift card to a local restaurant that the sitter can visit while in town is a gray area that approaches but does not cross the line. That gesture signals, “I want you to enjoy your time in my home area”. A $100 Amazon card signals, “You are providing a service to me, and I deem your service worthy”. I would find it insulting.
There are multiple tipping threads elsewhere on this forum; as always, we can agree to disagree. This thread, however, demonstrates potential consequences from introducing money into a relationship that was supposed to be - not about that.
At the very least, when a sitter is about to offer a tip to the homeowner (and surely they must, if tipping is so acceptable? Surely we can’t limit tipping to one direction? I’d love to hear from sitters about their experiences tipping the homeowners), they should ask themselves, “What am I trying to signal by offering this money? And is that signal in keeping with the spirit of mutual exchange?”
This is obviously a sensitive topic, with no right or wrong answers.
I can see where @KittySitter is going with this, but I also appreciate @Colin ‘s perspective.
It illustrates just how unique each person, each situation is; sometimes a gift from a host or sitter feels perfect, but there are times when it can feel imperfect.
The Language of Love/Gratitude differs for individuals as well, so it is hard to please everyone with the same symbols of gratitude.
