That’s a beautiful expression
Of-course I may be wrong here, but I feel like the strong reactions for the expression are coming from the fact that most posts here are from sitters and they are reading this as a direct accusation.
As a dog owner, I actually find that useful. I’m happy that now I know that for a lot of people leaving a dog for themselves for hours knowing they have anxiety issues, knowing it will cause them to bark and cry non-stop (having the topic explicitly discussed and explained by the dog owner) - does not constitute animal abuse.
And note that my questions were very specific about what could I do to not enter such a scenario in the future and what to write in the review. I never said I was publicly acussing the sitter with abuse (the title also says “potential abuse”).
The point of the post was to say “I’m as a dog owner now worry that my dog would be abused - how do I best avoid it?”
So - yes the word is not an easy one, but I do think at least to me it help surface important sentiments sitters have.
On @pietkuip account and everybody else’s on this forum and most people outside this forum, too. Just google it. Almost everywhere it is a criminal offense and there are laws specifying what it is. In most cases, the definition is something like “ depriving an animal of food, water, shelter, and/or veterinary care.
Torturing, maiming, or killing animals ”. To be fair, some definitions would include your wording of “intentionally causing harm”. But, again, you would have to prove intentionality, which, in this case, would mean that the sitter just left with the intention of harming your dog, not to have dinner, go for a walk, meat some friends, go to a concert, you name it…
And, then, if the intention was to harm your dog, why stay at home for the rest of the time?
How is it okay for three hours? So, it’s not abuse for the three hours that you said it’s ok to let the dog be in distress, but if it goes over three hours it’s suddenly abuse? That doesn’t make sense. Where I’m from the word abuse is a very strong word and an extremely serious accusation. It’s not a word to be used lightly and without any evidence.
It sounds like you really need someone who won’t be leaving the house at all. For future sits be very clear on the dog’s behavior. To me, saying the dog has separation anxiety, but can be left for three hours means that the dog is fine for three hours, but at some point after that would start to become distressed. It sounds like your dog becomes distressed immediately, not after 3 hours.
@absw11 do you never leave your dog alone at all? Are you on your own or a couple?
We do have a couple of repeat sits where the dogs cannot be left alone at all so it does happen, however we are a couple and one does the shopping while the other stays home. To be fair that has been a routine for us for many years as we have an autistic child. We do go out during those sits but the dogs go with us. That can be restrictive as not everywhere is dog friendly but as we spend most time on sits exploring the local countryside and beaches it is fine and we tend to eat in pubs mostly (lots are dog friendly in the UK). We are okay with this arrangement as it is discussed fully prior to taking on the sit but we do sitting to keep busy and see new parts of the UK rather than for travel/holidays.
We would not be happy with this restriction if we were (as most sitters are) using THS to travel abroad and do some sightseeing too. I think it would also be difficult for a single sitter.
As others have mentioned there are sitters that will be able to meet your needs but you do need to be clear what they are and if your dog really can’t be left alone at all then please just say so as 3hrs or 4hrs makes no odds for a dog that starts howling the minute you walk out the door.
If you want to read what I wrote and your conclusion is “sitter failure” that’s fine. Let me suggest something else. You live with a situation where you don’t/can’t leave your home much because your dog’s constant barking when you are gone makes you feel bad because you hate to see your dog suffer and it causes your neighbor’s to complain. You got a sitter hoping that if the sitter just followed your directives, things wouldn’t be so bad. You know the sitter left the dog home alone for some length of time. Was it three hours? Three fifteen? Four? More than four? You don’t know. The sitter says they followed your directive, but the neighbor complained that the dog was barking “for hours.” As others have said, dogs don’t have clocks. The dog may have started barking as soon as the sitter walked out. The neighbor might have started being annoyed as soon as the dog started barking.
The problem isn’t the sitter. The sitter was set up to fail. Once the sitter left the dog will bark disturbing the neighbor. You will never be “satisfied” with the sitters here. The sitter will never be able to do a “good enough job” unless you find a sitter willing to never leave the dog alone at all.
I get that getting a dog to not bark constantly and disturb the neighbors is a big problem. And one that is hard to resolve. But that is what the problem is. You are not going to solve the problem by blaming the sitter.
How do you reconcile your two statements above? It seems, in your opinion, that what you describe in the first statement above is animal abuse. Do you not feel that you may have condoned this in your second statement above?
From your account, it sounds as if it may actually be possible that the sitter followed your instructions to the letter, as you have only a vague estimate of timings from your neighbour.
You have had responses from sitters and homeowners in this thread. The overwhelming sentiment from both seem to be that while there may be a very limited number of sitters who would feel that they were a good fit for a sit with these restrictions, your dog’s needs would be better met by a paid sitter.
You are clearly upset, but this statement above is unfair and unkind to the experienced sitters who have given you advice on this thread. Many have said quite clearly that they would have not applied for your sit knowing that they could not meet your requirements (assuming they are clearly set out in your listing). Experienced sitters will only apply for listings that are a good fit for them, and where they are confident that they can fulfil the requirements.
You are creating a dichotomy here that doesn’t exist. Sitters and petparents are both paid members of Trusted Housesitters who enjoy or need to travel and love pets. There are many sitters – probably most – who are or have been petparents and understand what that entails. There are also combined members – like me – who trust sitters with their own pets and also sit.
People are giving their honest view here on a situation you describe. Your reply is that they are somehow supporting “pet abuse.” Your line of reasoning seems to be that if a sitter was gone for longer than some magic amount of time: 3 hours, then this was “potential abuse.” You have no evidence other than a complaining neighbor that the sitter even might have been gone that long. Possibly the sitter was gone more times than you would have liked, but this could have been an interpretation of what you told them, but even that is not clear.
People have given you good advice here: Make your instructions completely transparent so that the dog should not be left alone at all and anytime the dog is left alone he will bark incessantly and disturub the neighbor. Make that instruction clear on your listing and discuss it in chat. Don’t wait till everything is confirmed. Maybe look for a couple so one person can be home when the other goes out. Consider other alternatives to THS.
Your response has been to interpret this as sitters enable/support not following guidelines and abusing animals. If that is your feeling, you really need to look at alternatives for petcare.
If it’s sent out in a welcome guide right before the sit starts but wasn’t in the listing or discussed, that would be hiding information. Direct experience with this. To have someone confirm and then tell them is dishonest and then places the Sitter/Guest in a terrible position; they technically can’t cancel (which is ridiculous), may have turned down more suitable suits, and they won’t be covered by the cancellation policy.
The THS policy is that any special needs or behavior issues need to be in the listing. And not leaving for three hours and only on special occasions would be special needs and behavior issues.
You’re looking for close to constant care which isn’t typically appropriate for THS and you definitely need to move forward with a paid sitter that specializes in anxious dogs. I also think your neighbor giving a report of when your sitter was coming and going is an invasion of their privacy and being out for an extra hour really isn’t a big deal. Abuse is a very strong word and this situation absolutely doesn’t warrant that term.
The neighbours didn’t say the sitter was out for four hours , they said they got back before midnight and
Living in the flat below the dog and hearing the dog bark and whine when left alone the neighbours have every right to complain to the owner - who is ultimately responsible for the issue . Not the sitter , who was told by the owner that the dog could be left for 3 hours on occasion.
“We write that he cannot be alone for more than 3 hours straight “
As sitters who have done manyTHS sits with lots of lovely dogs . We have never and would never leave a dog longer than the owner advised .
So in this particular case if the listing clearly stated that the dog could not be left alone for more than 3 hours - we would not accept the sit , knowing that it would be too restrictive for us .
We recently withdrew our application when we found out that a “very easy dog” could not be left alone at any time ( unless an emergency arose in which case they could be left for up to 1 hour )
To be fair, some definitions would include your wording of “intentionally causing harm”. But, again, you would have to prove intentionality, …
I don’t need to prove anything as I am not going anywhere accusing someone of abuse. I’m a dog owner who has a fear that their pet was abused (according to some definitions by your words), and I’m trying to:
a. Mitigate this for the future
b. Come up with a review text that I would feel comfortable writing (again - that doesn’t include the word abuse since I have no proof).
@Newpetlover I agree. For me, I trust my neighbour completely but I understand this is not proof and you cannot just give someone a bad review because of that.
However, I am finding it hard to ignore it completely and just give the review I would have given before the neighbour approached me.
My question to the forum was more of “what you write would do if you were in my shoes?”, and hoping someone could suggest some way of incorporating my dissatisfaction with the overall sit, without making accusations based on hearsay.
Thank you for contributing to this topic, I can understand why it has been quite a thought-provoking discussion.
As a community of pet lovers, any mention of pet abuse can be very unsettling, which is understandable.
Members do not have to agree with each other. The forum is a great place to educate, share your viewpoints and pass on helpful advice, but in doing that we need to make sure that we keep it kind as per the posting Guidelines and not make it personal to any member as per the Posting Terms.
We want all members to feel they are welcome here and can ask for help and advice, as well as give help and advice.
The topic was automatically closed by the system yesterday due to multiple comments flagged by several members in quick succession.
I am always keen to keep a topic open for the community to continue the discussion and as such it has been reopened as the OP has asked for help with writing a review, but the team will monitor the thread and should there continue to be flagged posts then we will have to close the discussion for further comments.
I think both questions in your OP have been already answered. The vast majority of people’s answer to your question
“What would you write in your review”
is “don’t mention it in your review, it may not be a break of the agreement, being very close to the time limit you set. We should allow for some flexibility”
To the question
“Is it possible to protect yourself?”
People have advised you to be more specific about your dog’s needs and behaviour in order to garantee the best possible match and to specifically ask for couples. Some have suggested you could try a kennel (it has worked for someone’s anxious dog) or paid professional help.
Since you still insist in writing about this in your review, I think you have a right to express your concerns and I don’t see why you can’t just say something similar to what you said here. That a neighbour approached you and that he estimates your dog may have been left alone for probably more than three hours on two occasions, late in the evening and that you are concerned about it.
In my opinion, this could backfire and would not be fair to the sitter if you also have left the dog alone for some hours
But it is your right to say how you feel as it is the sitter’s right to contest your review. Then future both HOs and sitters can decide what to make of that information.
Plenty of other opinions on the situation have been posted here, so I won’t add my own, other than to try to respond to the questions raised: 1. Is it possible to protect yourself from such scenarios? If I put recording devices at my home I think I need to tell the sitters those exist, and I’m pretty sure some will not take a sit due to this.
As has already been well established, only outdoor recording devices are permitted, and simply for home security purposes, not monitoring sitters. Any attempts otherwise would backfire on you as sitters would complain.
To protect for future, it will all be in the sitter selection. What are your own circumstances that mean your dog lives comfortably? Is it possible to find a sitter with similar situation, be that working from home, not interested in sightseeing, part of a couple? As you can’t be as flexible in your sitter selection as other listings might, you need to give yourself plenty of time for advertising listings. Read applications carefully, ask questions about experience with anxious dogs including how they have handled similar situations in the past (either in writing or on a call), and remember if you hit the 5 applicant limit, you can decline applications until the most appropriate match comes along.
Is it possible to offer a drop in from friend/family or paid sitter for a day or two during longer sits to let your sitter have time out of the home alone? Or to offer to pay delivery costs on groceries so sitters don’t need to leave your dog alone to do necessary shopping? Free subscriptions to at-home entertainment? Think about how you can make life easier for the sitter, and in turn they are more likely to spend the necessary time looking after your pet. 2. What would you write in the review in such a scenario?
Again, as covered by others, I would steer clear of all the discussion in the OP. But maybe it would be useful, only if your recent sitter was willing, to discuss with them in a blame free manner how they feel the sit went, especially in terms of your dog’s needs and what would be useful for future success. You could then comment on any useful takeaways from that discussion in the review (or say you would be open to receiving feedback, as it sounds like there isn’t much time before the review is due).
The fact you have posted here makes it clear you are open to feedback, and hopefully this could be conducted in a constructive manner. Good luck.
