I just explain that I am allergic to strangers and go to 
extra early
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Agree with this completely. My tendency is to arrive on the day the sit begins, not the day before. I try to visit prior to the sit too, but realise this isn’t an option for everyone or in every sit.
In my current sit, I was invited the night before as they were leaving early. It worked out well, but to sit with a family I didn’t know at dinner was awkward for me, as an introvert feeling an obligation to initiate conversation.
In terms of boundaries, whatever feels uncomfortable for you is when a boundary has been crossed. So yes, barging into someone’s room without warning definitely constitutes this. I was on a sit once, and the neighbour just walked into the house. I had left the back door open for the dogs and one had wandered into her garden, so I can appreciate her wanting to let me know. Seeing someone in the house sent me into flight or fight mode and I screamed at her to get out, not knowing who she was. She was close with the HO but to me, she was a stranger so different rules applied. I later apologised for my reaction, but she was having none of it. Some people just don’t appreciate or respect privacy or boundaries and I’m realising how important it is to communicate these firmly.
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Thank you for your responses. I personally would not like to sit and have a meal with the HO. I would rather come just before they depart. I’m a bit anti-social and feel embarrassed about eating infront of strangers. What if they made something I did not like? It would be rude of me not to eat it,
I’m glad to not sit in that household again.
I wouldn’t recommend it, nor would I want to do it again. I had just arrived after a long journey and decided I wasn’t going to do the niceties etc. (not a fan of small talk). Turns out, the HOs didn’t either so it was a fairly quiet dinner and I retreated to my room early.
Good idea! That’s what I would rather do. If I got to be a regular sitter and got to know everyone it would be different
I usually invite the sitter to come the night before, as I’m usually off early the next day, I show them the house, meet the pets, etc then take them out for a meal. We’re on neutral territory so it won’t be so uncomfortable. Afterwards they can do what they like, once they’re in their room (with ensuite - which makes a difference) I would leave them alone. If I did need tell them something I would knock. If no reply, I’d catch them first thing/leave a note on the kitchen table/whatsapp them later.
I would think it a bit odd if they didn’t fancy a meal out, and would at least expect to sit down and have a cup of tea with them.
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While a meal out is an option, the HO might need to make it clear who’s paying rather than have assumptions on both sides. However, for some of us a meal out is as stressful as eating with the HO at home.
So for us a cup of tea or coffee together could be a lovely way to get to know one another and chat about the pets.
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I have had sits whereby the HOs invited me out for meals and they automatically paid. I was brought up to understand that the person that does the inviting is the one who pays. Although I recall a boyfriend who invited me to a movie and dinner, all of a sudden left his wallet at home…but I digress. 
If HOs invite sitters out for a meal, is it not expected that they would pay for the sitters’ meals?
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Yes, that’s how I understand etiquette as well. I’ve never been invited to any meal in life and been expected to pay. And I context switch between my American culture and the ethnic culture of my family.
For my sits, hosts have always made clear that they were treating me to dinner or making us a meal. But let’s say they didn’t, I have to eat anyway, so paying my own way doesn’t seem like a big deal.
My current hosts return tomorrow and have already offered to take me out to dinner again.
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A meal out is a nice gesture. I had a lovely meal out with hosts prior to a sit, who have now become friends. I find this preferable to a meal at home where you’re kind of hanging around, waiting for the HO to cook, not sure what to do with yourself (as it turns out, I ended up making most of the meal myself, while they got on with the packing!)
However, I’ve also declined a meal out, as it was after wrapping up one sit and travelling to another, which can be hectic. I wanted some time to decompress before the next sit began and was very grateful I did.
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That’s how I’d take it - that the inviter pays. However, it’s worth either clarifying or go anticipating paying as not everyone follows that etiquette and I’ve been caught out a few times - even to the extent (in another context) for being expected to foot the bill for all of us, the 4 in the inviter family and me.
This might be just me: If someone invited me and then expected me to pay for their family, too, I’d pay and happily cut ties.
To me, if people show you who they are, it’s worth finding out sooner than later. And a meal is a relatively affordable way to discover that.
If THS hosts pulled that on me, I’d have no problem saying, oh, you invited me, so I didn’t budget your meals, too. I’m fine with going Dutch, though.
When others are presumptuous, there’s no reason for the other party to be over polite, IMO. That’s how you get taken advantage of.
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It is usual for the hosts to pay for the meal.
On one occasion we were invited out for a meal upon our arrival. They drank more than us and split the bill!
I subtly mentioned this in my review .
They asked us back a year later. I refused saying that we did not expect to split the expensive bill
Ha !
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Yes a cup of tea is fine. I’m just not very good at social situations. Animals are a lot easier to deal with than humans
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