Hi there. What would be considered a breech of privacy needs whilst sitting at someone’s house prior to the hosts departure?
I don’t want them to have to entertain me and would rather just keep myself to myself until I can relax when the hosts have gone in my room. But to have the hostess knocking on my door and not waiting for a reply before entering felt quite uncomfortable. I’m fairly new at this and would really appreciate some helpful pointers. Thank you
Get the travel lock from Amazon for your door.
Yes, I hated that. The second time she burst into my quarters was a bit earlier than the time we had set. I was shaving and I more or less yelled at her to wait and come back at 10.
When she returned a few minutes later she showed me kind of triumphantly her watch: 10:05. But my iPhone had 10:00.
I was glad when they had left. Then I could relax.
She crossed a boundary, imo. Sounds like this is current?
Max I will do is the night before the HOs leave, and only if the reason is they have to leave early, or if I’ve traveled a long way. It’s nice to have that option to stay 1-2 nights, but as an obligation? nah.
I would say it is an invasion of privacy and a lack of manners regardless of your role as a sitter or hers as a hostess.
Having said that, I agree with @KC1102 that
and that
Still, she should have waited for an answer before opening your door .
While you didn’t say specifically, I presume you have arrived the day before they are leaving for their trip so my answer is based on that…
Spending time in the home while the hosts are there definitely has a weird vibe to it no matter how well you get on, how easy going they are,etc… It always feels better once they depart and you are on your own.
I doubt she was intentionally not respecting your privacy or being rude. And I think giving people the benefit of the doubt–unless we have solid proof otherwise-- is always helpful since the core of our upset is usually assuming they were deliberately disregarding our feelings, making us uncomfortable,etc…
If it were me, I would just let it go rather than saying something to her, though of course this is just my opinion. And the reason I say this is because in this instance you are dealing with a very temporary issue–she will be leaving soon and that will be the end of it.
It wouldn’t be worth it to me personally to create a potentially awkward situation. It is not like you are moving in there as a roommate and you must act to head off a potentially long-term problem.
While it is understandable to not want to spend a load of time socializing with the hosts, nor is it necessary, it is not unreasonable for them to want to chat with you a bit and get to know you.
If your preference is to spend the bulk of your time by yourself–minus any time they spend showing you the ropes–you might want to consider sits where you are not required to stay overnight, or opt for a nearby hotel instead if it is necessary to meet the day before–though you should expect to pay since you are choosing not to take up their offer of staying in the home.
In my experience, hosts don’t expect to spend every second with you until they leave, but a sitter who seemed like they were completely disinterested in interacting with them might not give a great impression.
This is one aspect of sitting that can be challenging for people and it is okay to feel how you feel about what happened; but again, in the big picture, it is one of the smaller potential hiccups you may encounter while sitting since they will be gone shortly.
Good luck!
Misread the response and answer didn’t make sense anymore!
Hi @Lumpybum
No I’d not accept this and in fairness most HO’s respect your privacy during handover.
Although as single male sitter I’m super respectful especially when sitting for single female HO’s which I’ve done a number of times.
Totally out of order, i would put our suitcases behind the door to stop them doing it again
Oh my god, I 1000% understand!
I love people, and I’m happy to chat to any host and have some nice convos and get to know them and share a meal. No problem! But at the end of the day, I’m an introvert, I only have so much social battery before I start to conk out, and I really value my own privacy and personal space. Sitting there for hours socialising gets me really exhausted, and I never feel like I can just fully relax and settle in when the HO is around.
This is why we only do maximum 1 night with a HO, and only if it’s actually necessary for an early morning departure time. Otherwise, we’ll arrive on the day for a handover. We’ve learnt through experience and made this a rule for ourselves. Also I am not a morning person, and too many times last year we were asked to accompany the HO on a dog walk at the crack of dawn before they left, before I had any coffee or breakfast in my system or knew where I was on the planet and what the heck is happening 
Or they’d propose to take us grocery shopping or show us the town, even though we are adults and perfectly capable of doing all this ourselves without any fuss or guidance. I fully understand people just want to help and be welcoming etc, but when the help isn’t necessary and you just want a smidge of independence and breathing space it can drive you a little crazy
So for this year, we set clearer boundaries and rules for ourselves, and it’s worked out really well so far.
It reminds me of a situation from back in college/uni days. A hallway neighbor my senior year did this frantic “knock/barge in” action with me once. (The ‘emergency’ was wanting to borrow a pair of tights.) Fortunately I was just studying. Another hallmate and her bf another time, not so lucky.
Couldn’t have said it better @Nagy26 
my thoughts exactly
I had a dog owner who wanted to walk the dog with me before I’d had my breakfast. I never leave the house without having breakfast first. So I did, but she was standing there waiting for me to finish.
Apart from that, all hosts have been great at giving me privacy. Nobody ever burst into my room without knocking, long may it last 
Oh man
We’ve had mostly only great HO’s too, but we know now what we want & don’t want in a handover. Most people have been pretty great though 
I think one of the funniest situations though was a HO who took us grocery shopping, walked me down every isle, suggested what I could buy, and told me “This is a TESCO, perhaps you’ve seen one before?” Nah mate. I just arrived on planet Earth yesterday, sorry. 
Totally unacceptable. I wouldn’t even do that to a family member guest in my own home, so bang out of order to a stranger. Knock the door and shout a message if needs be but to go in without permission - no!
She sounds rude and I can completely understand why are upset. I assume they are leaving soon so if it were me I would just put up with it until they left.
I do ask for sitters to show up a day earlier but we have a downstairs guest room so everyone has privacy. We usually prepare a nice meal for sitters but otherwise let them relax / go out on their own (we provide a car). I assume they know how to walk a dog and don’t need them to come with me unless they want to. I do make sure they know how to put the dog’s harness on and will take her for a short walk to show them the mailbox (5 min) and that’s enough for them to see that she walks nicely on a leash.
In the future, if you really don’t enjoy the socializing, you could prepare an excuse to retire to your room shortly after dinner and say good night (you are in the middle of a show/book/whatever and want to see how it ends, you have to catch up on work, have to call your family, etc). Or just opt for a motel room.
Or be up front in the application: you don’t mind showing up a day before to meet the pets but as an experienced pet sitter you don’t require to be shown the pets routine since you understand it from the welcome guide, and would prefer privacy after meeting the pets. It may turn some HO off though.
It’s rude for any hosts, whether during sits or otherwise, to invade a guest’s privacy.
For folks who aren’t amenable to socializing much, for any reason, it might be useful to manage expectations ahead of a sit if you’re asked to arrive early for a handoff. Like you could mention ahead of time that you’re not comfortable with a lot of socializing, nothing personal. In that case, if a host is really into that, you’d both avoid a bad match. Or they could adjust expectations and not say make a meal to share or whatever.
I’ve arrived up to a couple of days early and have been invited to stay after sits. I’ve never had issues being sociable or with hosts wanting to hang out nonstop. I tell them when I need time for telecommuting or have other stuff to do. And I tell them to not worry about entertaining me or such. I’m perfectly fine looking after myself.
When hosts have tried to show me stuff I didn’t need, I just tell them that, in a friendly way. It’s never been a problem. I’ve even had hosts mention in their review that I was self-sufficient, because I didn’t need blow-by-blow guidance.
The key thing is just to communicate and give people benefit of doubt. When they’re trying to give me unnecessary details, I assume that it’s out of kindness and care. So in return, I just try to make them feel comfortable that I will take great care of their pets and home, because I’m an experienced sitter, homeowner and traveler. It doesn’t take more than a couple of sentences or so.
Thank you all for your responses. I suppose the next few sits will give me more confidence with the situation.
This HO is totally out of order bargibg into your room like that. I suspect this is really unusual behaviour and shouldn’t be an issue for you on other sits. Maybe put something in front of the door ifnit worries you (I’ve been known to move furniture, but in a different context).
As for socialising (esecially eating) with people I’ve not met before, it’s not my favourite activity, and I might say I need an early night. If a meal is offered I explain that I have allergies that throw some people, but on my my most recent sit the lovely host assured me that she knew what she was doing and that it wouldn’t be a problem, and we had a tasty meal. Basically, I wabt to maintain a good relationship with the HO, so it’s a balance.