Sitter asking to leave early, advise please 🙏

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
21

@Jamesandpie
It’s fine for a sitter to ask - as it’s possible that this request might not have been a big problem to accommodate.

It’s also fine to say no .

What is your gut instinct telling you ?

Having a sitter arrange a friend to cover for them may not necessarily be your preferred solution as you don’t know the friend and haven’t had the opportunity to vet them yourself.

If you have a back up plan that you would use in emergencies ( friendly neighbour , helpful relative : friend , paid drop in service ) and you are happy to do that for the one day - then you can suggest this .

You definitely don’t have to agree to this - but if there is an easy solution that won’t cause you a lot of inconvenience you might suggest a compromise so that the sitter can go for the day and then return for the remainder of the sit .

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22

Nope, do not agree. She doesn’t want to leave a day early, it’s 5 days. If a homeowner mixes up dates, for me this is also a problem.

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23

I think it is totally unneccessary and unwarranted to make assumptions of what other thought and intended - especially presuming it was intentionally ill-willed.

We know nothing of the intentions of others.

I think it is a big problem that simple questions - I’ve noticed it several times here on forum - lead to making assumptions of not only intentions but the quality (or lack thereof) of your personality and values. We say communication is important - but no way we accept a simple question trying to sort out an issue?

It is of no value to ponder on how illwilled the person is or isn’t. The question is how to handle the issue raised. You can say no, you can say yes, you can suggest solutions in between.

In the end this platform is just matching people. Anyone can just walk away at any time. It is not a prison. It is in our common interest in my opinion to have a positive and problem-solving attitude towards each other. The sitter asked for help, the host asked for help. Maybe we can manage to help both of them, that would be a great result.

Great post from systaran too.

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24

I do agree with a lot you say in this forum. But I believe that, although one should of course assume the best, it is important to question whether what the other person says is true; otherwise, you end up making a fool of yourself for the world.

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25

Agreed. I’m astonished at the assumptions being meted out towards the sitter who gave notice, and apologised, for making an error in not diarising a one day workshop. Perhaps she didn’t suggest a solution because she felt uncomfortable with her mistake, and wanted the home owner to respond to that first before looking at what could be done.
Not everyone thinks the same way.
I hope this is resolved swiftly and amicably for both parties.

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26

It’s 4 days early and a potential solution could be her leaving for the workshop and then returning.
Yes, HOs changing dates are often a problem for me too. However, I try to accommodate them if I possibly can.

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27

I tend to judge case by case. Flexibility makes sense when the request seems reasonable to me. If not, then no.

To me, this circumstance seems like a significant ask turned into a problem for the host to solve.

With sits, my POV is always that it should be a partnership, and if you’re responsible for a mix-up, it’s also your responsibility to help solve it.

I’m all for problem-solving, but doing it effectively includes knowing whether it’s your problem to solve. To me, you don’t create problems (intentionally or accidentally) and dump them in someone else’s lap. That’s just not a responsible thing to do.

Imagine if you were a host and you read factually in a review that the sitter asked to leave days early because of poor planning. And they wanted you to solve the problem. Would you choose such a sitter?

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28

I work extensively with communication and behavioral psychology in my profession. This includes understanding how users behave and assessing how likely it is that they genuinely mean what they say or, conversely, if they’re deliberately bending the truth to avoid admitting mistakes or to deflect attention. This is particularly important when introducing products or testing features, as it involves a lot of observation and recognition of behavioral patterns.

Perhaps because of this background, I often tend to interpret what others are saying more critically. In this case, there are certain aspects of this message that, to me, indicate it might not be entirely honest. However, that’s a larger topic than what’s directly being asked here.

That said, I’m a solution-oriented person, but I would expect them to solve her problem herselves, accepting the consequences for her mistake, rather than shifting the burden to the homeowner. Important workshops are usually repeated, and canceling might be an option, even if it means not getting a full refund. She could also arrange for someone else to take over the sit, provided the homeowner is comfortable with that. These are all consequences I would personally be prepared to accept if I had made an oversight. I wouldn’t inconvenience the homeowner unless it was absolutely unavoidable.

In a world with no consequences for people making mistakes, accountability would diminish, and individuals might be less motivated to act responsibly or learn from their errors, leading to a lack of growth, trust, and fairness in personal and professional relationships.

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29

I don’t think comparing HOs and sitters is helpful here. IMHO, what really matters is what two parties have agreed on and what happens when one party does not fulfill their part of the agreement. The question in this thread is very specific, so I think we should address the specific information given by OP.

There are different aspects to be considered and most of them have been mentioned in the previous posts:

  • sitters are asking nicely to be allowed not to fulfill their part of the agreement for a reason which is not covered by T&Cs.
  • doing so (intentionally or not) they are putting pressure on the owner to find a solution.
  • They suggest they have possible solutions but they don’t openly share them with the owner, which would be a possible step towards a commonly agreed way out. They seem to be asking for the best solution for themselves.
  • Nobody can really force a sitter to stay and the situation could become quite awkward if sitter refused to cooperate and keep it nice and kind. (No red flags there so far)

So, @Jamesandpie, taking all that into consideration, you will have to do what you feel is best for you and your cats in this situation.

It’s also clear to me that something should be mentioned in your review, even if they stay full time. I’ve read here that a couple split so that one member could go to a funeral and the other stay taking care of the house and pets. I am not saying this should be the standard, but I don’t think both cases deserve the same review, especially on the organization and reliability categories.

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30

This is not an emergency and the sitter should be offering many options that the pet parents can choose from.

31

The sitter made a commitment and should honor it. That would be the responsible and professional thing to do. If she wants the workshop that badly she should have thought of ways she could do this where it would not be a burden on you and causing you stress. She could of said to you, I completely forgot about a workshop I signed up for and want to know if I can arrange a professional pet sitter to come in and feed your cats for my 24 hour departure from your home. Rover for one provides pet sitters to do drop in where they feed the cat and change the litter and stay an hour. They do background checks and the sitter could hire one for a very reasonable rate.

If you were not comfortable with this because it is your home and won’t know who will be there and letting another person have access to your home then tell her this. I don’t think the sitters mistake should be your problem.

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32

I choose to see your intentions as good.

I work extensively with communication, negotiation and mediation. My experience is that if you wish to get results, it is of the utmost importance to try to understand the other party and what is important to them. The common ground for a result is often something you can easily give that is of great importance to them. So trying to get insights, to understand and to make suggestions will give me the results I value as cheap as possible and get a good reputation because the other party think they got a great result. If it is important to me, I will usually choose to suggest a solution I think they would accept and that i can accept. (The alternative can sometimes be that the other party choose the solution. In a sitter-case - the end result could be the sitter walking off and leave THS. One might not like it, but there are no real consequences. It seems this sitter won’t and is trying to find a solution, but still - it is what it is.)

I wonder if this situation would be regarded the same if the coin was flipped. What if the host would want to come home early? Would the reaction then be “Ultimately, this situation stems from her poor planning, and it’s unfair that she now expects you to adjust your plans to fix her mistake. Her suggestion to involve you in an early return also shows a lack of responsibility. That’s not what you agreed to when you agreed to
care for her pets. This is a clear violation of the host’s responsibility, and you shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of her oversight”. Or would the response then be to just suck it up?

I still think one could say no to the question. I just don’t think it is necessary to judge for asking.

I often see - also in my line of work - that people don’t see the possible options that are actually available to them. Because some of us - by experience, by education, personal or professional life, pure talent - or just because we have some distance to the issue and therefore are able to see a bigger picture - are more likely to offer more options. Like people that find themselves in a dark room don’t know how to get out. While someone on the outside could easily say - “why don’t you just open the door?”

I have often just reached out and helped out although I have no obligation to do so, just because I can. Often with very little effort on my part, but a very thankful recipient. Sometimes - not quite so often - when it required effort. Good deeds are contagious - pass it on.

If this can somehow be solved so that everyone is somewhat happy - why not. Or if you can’t. Just say I’m sorry, it can’t be done.

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33

My initial thought when reading what she posted, is if it was that important, she would not have forgotten about it. As a sitter I would never ask a pet parent this. I would just cut my loss that I forgot about that “Important” workshop and finish my sit that I committed to.

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34

As always, this is a brilliant answer, and I agree with most of it.

To answer your question about what would happen if the poor planning came from the homeowner. I can only speak for myself, but I would either expect the HO to book themselves into a hotel for the remaining time or pay for one for me. And I’d be happy to discuss that with them. :wink:

Otherwise, absolutely, it always depends, like everything in life. On the situation, the relationship between the people involved, whether you like the person, or if they’ve already been behaving suspiciously the entire time. I’m one of those people who go to great lengths to find a good, practical solution. For example, I’ve split up once with my husband for a sit, where he went to the next one while I stayed because the HO couldn’t make their flight due to bad weather, and the next flight wasn’t for three more days.

Of course, that was inconvenient since the following sit was a repeat sit with my favorite dogs. But because we all liked each other, we found a great solution for everyone. The late HO even drove me three hours to the next sit, such an incredibly kind gesture.

Kindness is contagious, yes. And I agree with you: Spread kindness, no bad vibes.

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35

Thankyou! I was thinking I was the only one who found this situation unacceptable. Cripes, we’re not talking about bailing a day early; we’re talking about a four day gap!
I find it strange that she doesn’t explain what the “workshop” is about. Surely if her situation were 100% genuine, she would give that information. After all, there’s a difference between a session on Underwater Basket-Weaving - and Canine First Aid, for example. Not that it actually matters, IMO, because she is simply leaving you in the lurch.
As a sitter who sweats buckets over getting her dates right and not making embarrassing mistakes (I even work from an old-fashioned wall calendar, with coloured lines an’ everyfink
) I can’t believe it’s OK to message an HO with “Oh dear me, I’m so ditzy, I stuffed up! Whatya gonna do about it?!”
As for the fact she’s “asking nicely” - I should chuffin’ well hope so!
I have to agree with those who’ve said a polite “Er
 No
” Is the way to go.

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36

@fledermaus no one has said it was acceptable. I’m just amazed that so many on this platform are perfect and have never made a mistake in their life. Maybe it’s the years of psychology training, but I tend to have compassion for people and rather than name calling (irresponsible, ditzy), I would just try to find a solution that works for both parties.

The next time a host comes to me with date changes (which happens frequently) I plan to call them irresponsible and say it’s not my problem rather than what I’ve done in the past, which is to try and work out a solution that works for both of us if at all possible.

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37

(Edited so that it doesn’t include any verbatim responses from the sitter:)

Thanks everyone, some really useful replies which helped guide our decision and what to say back. I want to give you all an update on what happened next.
We’re of the opinion that she shouldn’t be turning her poor planning into a problem for us to solve, which caused quite a bit of stress while we’re away.

We went with the direct but polite option, stating that we’re not happy with her leaving early :

“Hey xxxxx,
Thanks for your message, we’re not really happy if you leave the sit 4 days early. Is there any chance you can rearrange the workshop for another date? Or attend it online?
Hopefully you can find some other way to make it work
:crossed_fingers:t3:”

We sent this message at 4.30pm (and it was read) and hadn’t heard back by 1030am the next day so my wife asked again,

“Good morning xxxxx have you found a solution?”

Then she replied saying - that she hasn’t found a solution and that she’s going to call the school and ask what options she has . And she will let us know asap.

followed by an hour later she said, - that she spoke with them and unfortunately they cant do refunds. She’s disappointed but not much she can do.

She then suggested that - her only other option was to go and come back the next day but that’s a lot of travel, especially as she’s still recovering from the flu or whatever it was she had. Then ending her message with - So I guess that’s that.

My reply,

"Ok thanks xxxxx, and sorry it hasn’t worked out as planned for you :pensive:, and for keeping us in the loop. Hope you start feeling a bit better and the Bluey cuddles are helping :hugs: "

It’s hard to read someones reaction through WhatsApp replies but it seems like she took our decision personally as the next morning we received messages basically saying this


Hello :slight_smile: daily update. Changed the water again today, cats are doing well :slight_smile:

And then this morning (Friday) , a message which was along the lines of


Hello, daily update. All good here.

It’s a shame that it’s turned from friendly and chatty to seemingly more frosty and cordial, and we’ve had to ask for her to send photos (one single blurry photo of only one cat in her reply!). But at least she’s staying until the end of the sit and hopefully understands her commitment to being a trusted house sitter. I’ll update if any other developments.

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38

She didn’t have to get a refund necessarily. Orgs typically are more amenable to offering credit for a course or workshop to be taken later. That way, they don’t lose the revenue.

In any case, her turning frosty is suboptimal, as if she’s automatically entitled to have you say yes, that she could leave four days early and it was your problem to solve for her.

Personally, in past years, I had to ask for credits for two courses, because of work conflicts that came up after I signed up. In both cases, I appealed to the orgs and they quickly agreed. If they hadn’t, I was prepared to eat the costs, since they weren’t responsible for my conflicts.

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And exactly because I knew what would happen, I think you’ve done absolutely the right thing here. The way she wrote the initial message made it clear that she never intended to stay and expected you to agree, especially when she brought up the costs. Even though many people here believe in the good in others, I still rely on what I’ve learned—and I’ve learned to scan messages and statements for truth and intention. And I’ll say it again: her story didn’t add up. Either she didn’t forgot, booked spontaneously hoping she could leave earlier, or that workshop never existed. I’d bet money that one of these things is true. Even if such assumptions aren’t well-received in this forum, I think they’re worth expressing.

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40

It is a good thing that she didn’t attend to the course, if she is still recovering from her illness.

Besides maybe infecting other course members, it also is exhausting for her to travel 4 hours and attend a day long course.
She’d better rest another 5 days then. It will speed up her recovery.

It is a pitty (and maybe not really cliĂ«nt friendly) for her that the company didn’t want to give a refund or voucher to her not only because of the bad planning (which I maybe can understand) but especially also because she was sick/ recovering.