Stranded with kids after last-minute sit change — need advice

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
61

I do feel as the host did not cancel and led the sitter to believe that the sit would take place if the sitter stayed on, the host was stringing the sitter along for her own advantage and not to be courteous to the sitter.

I’m not sure I understood correctly, but to me it seems that the sit would actually have started during the days in the hotel, while the host was holding up due to the missing cat?

If she cancelled and let the sitter choose to also apply for other sits and still covered, then she would be «beyond». As I understood it she was trying to keep the sitter as a back-up at the sitters expense.

But again, possibly I got it wrong.

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62

Premium coverage already exists. You chose to not buy it. Users don’t get to decide pricing. Businesses assess their own risks, costs, etc., and decide what to charge. If anyone can’t afford it / chooses not to pay, that’s life.

With cancellations, because these are voluntary exchanges, it would be super messy for THS to ask for proof of why someone canceled. Like how does someone prove their cat went missing? Should they be marked down for that? Or would THS suddenly start demanding a doctor’s note or medical records from you, should you fall ill and cancel a sit?

In any case, THS has apparently decided not to get involved in such tracking. If payment were involved between host and sitter, it would be different, as in your manicure example.

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63

Host and sitter in this case should’ve discussed what would happen after X days if the cat weren’t found, because obviously no one could control whether the cat returned. If the original poster couldn’t afford or find alternative accommodations, they should go home.

It’s unfortunate, but things turned out badly for both parties. If someone’s pet went missing, their first thought might not have been for their sitter, realistically. And if they’re stressed about the disappearance of their pet, I would think it super awkward to stay at their home and vacation meanwhile, especially with kids.

The host shouldn’t have strung the sitter along, if that were the case. But I’d suggest that sitters always focus on what’s in their control in such situations, because depending on the kindness of strangers can be risky. The host probably was scrambling and distraught, too.

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64

I truly feel for you and your kids. What a terrible situation when you were only looking for fun. I have to agree with you that her being at home worried about her cat isn’t as complicated as your situation. In her case: reality is cats take off all the time and either they find their way back or they don’t. There’s nothing she can do by staying home and worrying about her cat and leaving you out without a place to stay. Her situation is that she’s emotionally challenged but yours is much more serious to be traveling with small children in a foreign country on a budget. Sure, you can go home, but you lose so much only because someone doesn’t understand the committed responsibility she made to you. I don’t know about international laws, but if this happened in the US, you could sue her for breach of contract and at least get your money back, but that wouldn’t make up for any of the stress and loss of enjoyment that was intended when you made the agreement with her. At the least, and regardless of her personal trauma, she should have taken you in, or as someone else said here, found friends or family to take you in. Again, I am so sorry for this unfortunate situation.

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65

My understanding is that she had a plan B, but Plan B is very costly, and she was looking for alternative suggestions. For people on budgets, who are the majority of THS users, this makes a big difference. In her post, she was looking for alternatives to spending more money, staying in an uncomfortable situation or choosing to go home.

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66

Yes, you understood everything absolutely correctly!

The host did not cancel the sit officially.

We stayed nearby, believing her and hoping the cat would return — and that the sit would still happen.

This was supposed to be a long-term sit — almost two months.

We had already paid for:

  • flights for three people
  • two months of car rental

I was very understanding about her loss and emotional state — and also tried to support her, knowing she had important business travel coming up.

The most painful part is that she just disappeared in the end.

When THS finally cancelled the sit in their system, it meant I was no longer allowed to leave a review, because technically we didn’t stay in the house — we spent that week in a hotel. Next sitter never will know that they might end up in same situation!!!

So now the host is fine, THS is fine… and we — the naïve, kind people who believed in this idea — are left flying home with a significant financial loss.

This became a life lesson.

I could’ve spent that money in a completely different way — calmly, with joy and without stress.

But I believed in the idea.

And this is the result.

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67

Well said. I’ve just joined the community and I’m surprised by how many people in here are talking about Plan B, as if you set up this sit without thought and ended up without any alternatives so you are stuck forever in a foreign country because you didn’t have a Plan B! What I heard you say, is that you had a plan B and it’s costing you money and you’ve lost all the enjoyment of your planned vacation, and now, you can’t even review this woman who obviously took no responsibility for the commitment she made to you. I very much appreciate the effort you have made in telling your story so others might learn from it. I just wish people on here had been more sympathetic and didn’t feel the need to shame you as if you were too ignorant to have a plan B. So sorry for what happened with this sit, and even more sorry people responding in this forum needed to proclaim it wouldn’t or couldn’t happen to them.

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68

You’re absolutely right.

That’s exactly what I was trying to clarify from the beginning — to understand and assess the risk. What would happen if the cat didn’t return in 2–3–5 days? Or a week? So I could adjust my plans accordingly.

During that time, I actually received another sit offer in Cyprus, and I kindly asked her to cancel ours so I could move forward — but she ignored my request.

The sit was only cancelled on the 29th by a THS administrator. THS also contacted her, but received no reply…

I completely understand shock and confusion. Truly.

But — the host was at home. In her own bed.

We were outside, in a foreign country — with two young children.

Of course it felt awkward for me too. But we came to help her with her pets.

For example, when I used to have a dog and couldn’t take her with me, I paid large sums for a dog hotel or at least for someone to take care of her.

I don’t think anyone’s pain should be dismissed —

but to leave us in complete silence in the end… feels, at the very least, dishonest.

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69

Unfortunately, the host didn’t behave well.

I’d suggest not counting on ideal kindness, because we can’t control other people. And many folks have a hard time telling others what can be hard to hear — not just with sitting, but in life. Sounds like the host dropped out, probably because they didn’t want to continue helping with hotel costs or have you come stay despite the missing cat. Unfortunately, flaking out is an increasing behavior in society.

Back to sitting specifically: It always involves risks, even among people who are kind or try to be kind. Much less when someone might be unkind, selfish or avoidant.

If you continue to THS sit (or for any other new folks), I’d suggest not taking ones that are too risky or expensive for you to deal with reasonably on your own, should things fall through. That’s not the ideal you’d like, but it’s more likely to protect you and your kids.

Personally, I’ve had two sits cut short, due to legit host emergencies. I ended up paying for my own hotel costs, because I could comfortably afford it. If not, I would have gone home early. Those are my usual Plan B’s, other than not pursuing sits I couldn’t afford fallback plans for. And even though I could afford it, I don’t pursue sits in expensive countries and/or do high season sits for which I wouldn’t want to pay for hotel stays in case of emergency.

To me, better to be pragmatic.

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70

Yes, you’re right — thank you for your message.

People — well, not all people, let’s put it that way — are kind or willing to take responsibility. And yes, I agree, I should think of myself and my children first. This was a big life lesson for me.

In my case, looking for sits within Estonia doesn’t make much sense — it’s a country of just over a million people. Using TrustedHousesitters to move from one street to another here doesn’t seem very practical.

And if traveling abroad is not an option, then I’m realizing this platform may not actually serve my needs the way I thought it would.

It’s not “a home to live in” — it’s more like a mutual exchange.

So… unfortunately, I misunderstood what this app was really about for me.

Lesson learned.

Still — thank you very much for your support and kindness. I truly appreciate it.

71

Thank you so much for your messages — you truly understood everything correctly!

Of course I had a Plan B. We’re not sleeping on the street — my kids are swimming and sunbathing, and I’m paying for all of it — at double the cost! Managed it! For example, I’m paying for a car I didn’t even need in the end, because I was told a car was essential — no public transport, no shops within walking distance, rural area, etc.

And now I think: I could’ve just booked an Airbnb for a month, without stress, and enjoyed our time calmly.

I chose this platform because I believed in the idea — something beautiful, kind, built on helping each other.

But now I’m shocked to see how many people here repeat the same message: “You should have had a Plan B.”

Guys — I didn’t steal anything from anyone. I live in a civilized country, where there are laws, contracts, insurance, and clear expectations.

All I want right now is to raise awareness.

Yes, this app has a beautiful concept — but it’s poorly designed on the inside.

If everything is always my risk — then why am I paying a membership fee at all? I could’ve found a sit via Facebook for free if that’s the logic.

Because in the end — I’m the only one who ended up with a real problem.

The host? She’s fine.

And honestly… I’m even starting to wonder… was there ever a missing cat at all?

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72

I understand your frustration; it’s unfortunate that this happened. While a missing pet does seem to be a valid reason for cancelling or curtailing a sit, the HO didn’t handle the situation very well. She shouldn’t have strung you along like that from day to day. It’s also odd that she didn’t just have you come stay for a few days while waiting for the cat to come back since it sounds like you had already planned some overlap days where you would be staying there with the HO. However, you did say that she paid for part of your accommodation, which was nice and something she did not have to do.

We all talk about having a plan B or backup plan and what that looks like will vary enormously depending on the person as well as the location of the sit. But at its core what that means is that each individual sitter or HO is responsible for their own alternate arrangements should a sit need to be cancelled. We have the option to get the premium membership. In your case, the cancellation plan would have applied, and you could have been reimbursed up to $1500. Whether to get the premium membership or not is a choice we all make.

I did have a sit cancelled 4 days out in the Swiss Alps in the summer. It was a lovely couple who had a legit emergency. I wished them the best in dealing with the situation and that was the end of my interactions with them. It would not have occurred to me that they had any obligation to help me with other arrangements. I found and paid for a hotel and was later reimbursed the maximum of $1500 from the THS cancellation plan. Plan B worked out well. It did cost me some since I couldn’t find a hotel for $150 or less (the max the insurance pays), but my daughter and I stayed in a wonderful boutique hotel and loved the Verbier area. It ended up being a highlight of our summer in Europe.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that THS is just a platform to connect with others, it’s not an agency providing pet care or sitting opportunities. It’s a place to connect with others and agree to a mutual exchange. There are many things in life that could come up for HOs or sitters that would warrant cancelling a sit. That is a risk we all take in using the platform, we just need to be aware of that possibility.

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73

You might want to explore home exchange platforms. But those carry risks as well, because anywhere there are humans involved, there will be many variables and unpredictability.

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74

I tried this experience for myself, and I realized that — as the saying goes — if you want something done right, do it yourself.

So moving forward, I don’t want to use any platforms anymore. I’ll rely on myself and my own resources.

Yes, it might be more expensive — but at least I’ll know what to expect, and I’ll know the quality is in my own hands.

I have a home.

The only reason I was interested in this kind of arrangement was because I truly believed in the spirit of kind exchange — and the idea of giving people the opportunity to travel and help one another.

But after discovering that people like this exist, I’ve now decided not to put my own home at risk either.

I’ve read stories on the forum — break-ins, theft, and more…

So, to those who have had good experiences — I’m truly happy for you.

And I do hope that, in the end, the majority of sits out there are positive for most people.

75

@Mommy The vast majority of sits proceed without issue. It’s too bad your first experience ended this way. Personally, I’m currently on sit #60 and all but a few have been wonderful experiences. I’ve met kind, generous hosts who fully appreciate this exchange, adorable pets, and have done sits in 7 different countries so far. While THS certainly isn’t perfect and there are things that could be improved, I find the low cost of membership to be well worth it. However, it isn’t for everyone and we should all do what we are comfortable with.

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76

You’re probably based somewhere in the UK, Australia, Canada, or the US — but unfortunately, not in Europe.
In Europe, this concept feels pretty much dead. And that’s something I’ve come to understand.

I truly wanted to be part of growing this project.
I made my contribution.
And now — I’m stepping away.

It’s okay. It is what it is.

77

Yes, I’ve been fortunate with sits.

Even on two sits when host emergencies happened, I had gone in knowing what I’d signed up for — my expectations were in line with THS as a matching platform. I knew they wouldn’t come to my rescue.

Often when we’ve heard about sits gone wrong, it’s because of mismatched expectations, whether between host and sitter or member and THS. Or a lack of communication.

The problem for starters is people signing up and not understanding how THS works. As there’s loads of info (that’s how I learned before joining), I don’t know that there’s more to be done, since no one can be forced to read.

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78

Let’s be honest.

People come to this platform with good intentions and positive expectations.

What was I supposed to do — join THS thinking, “Okay, I’ll probably get scammed or betrayed, better have a backup plan right away”?

If that’s the mindset I need to have —

then what’s the point of using this platform at all?

79

I’d suggest buyer beware of all advertising, platforms, tools, etc. Not because everyone is trying to scam, but because all kinds of hiccups, flaws, gaps, issues, etc., can arise.

No product or service suits everyone or every need, which is why we should read up. Of course, if you opt not to, you run greater risks.

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80

But what can you do if you did study everything — and still ended up realizing that this platform is basically wide open to scammers and dishonest people?

Let me say it again: right now, maybe it’s still small and under the radar,
but in the future, if things don’t change, there’s going to be a collapse.
The system just isn’t built to prevent abuse.

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