Just returned from month-long trip. Housesitters were repeat, lovely people. As agreed, they had to leave 1 day ahead of my return. My sister went over to ck on my senior cat and she was in such dire shape—wobbly, super skinny, listless. After er vet visit, labs etc., we ultimately decided to let her go. I made this decision from 400 mi away. My cat was a senior with kidney disease but I implicitly left instructions I would come home immediately if she wasn’t doing well. I was told she was eating, doing well etc. I’m struggling with how did this miss my cat going down like this?? I’m sad, angry all the emotions. What makes it harder was she was the last of my 3 seniors so now I am petless. I don’t want to talk to housesitter before I gain perspective on my emotions. Any one offer their thoughts?
Wow that’s terrible. There can be many reasons for this. One they weren’t paying close attention. It could be that it was a slow decline and they didn’t notice. Each day getting slowly worse but if she lost a lot of weight I find it off how they didn’t notice?
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I’m sorry to hear this. Losing a pet is always hard, especially one you’ve had so long and the last of a trio.
But, I wouldn’t necessarily jump to blaming the sitter. Cats can mask things really well and go down hill REALLY fast. I sat for a senior cat once who died half way through my 2 month sit. You would have never known there was anything wrong with him and I had no clue except when I went to change the litter, it was full of blood. Turned out he had unknown advanced cancer. He had never shown any symptoms until I found the blood and his behavior didn’t change at all until the day he died. He was fine until about mid-day and then he just crashed and I knew it was the end. He was gone within hours. There was no indication until then that the day would be his last. If it hadn’t been for the blood it would have come out of nowhere and been a complete shock. It was heartbreaking but I took comfort in the fact that he was having fun and playing up until his final hours.
That’s a nightmare scenario. Very sorry about your poor cat.
Your sitters are the only ones who can give you the answers. Have you considered having your sister ask them? It might be easier on you and them (which means they might be more transparent).
Whatever their reason(s), you’ve suffered a big loss. I hope good memories of your cat help comfort you.
I am so sorry for your loss of your pet!
Senior cats with kidney disease would normally as I understand it suffer from weight loss also in the earlier stages and progress as they get further in the stages. It seems to be possible also that the cat got worse in the last day (-s) as dehydration is a serious factor in kidney disease and quickly can be serious for a small body.
As a sitter this is a great worry for me looking after senior pets - the possible sudden health issues and possible end of life care. There is a sit coming up where I try to man up to ask the host on how they want it handled. So sad not to be able to be present and say goodbye.
After the experience above paired with another cat being injured while exploring the world, I ALWAYS ask HOs about what to do in worst case scenarios. It’s a hard but important convo and many HOs have been taken aback but when I explain that I need at least a basic idea in case I can’t reach anyone, they get it.
I had 3 senior cats at the start of the pandemic and had to say farewell to the last one in September. All had differing medical conditions and had certainly slowed down (unless they saw a bug) but when the end came, it came very quickly. My heartfelt condolences to you.
You cant blame sitters for this. It’s sad to have a pet pass but blaming the sitters isnt the answer here. Why did you choose to put her down when you were returning a day later? That is odd to me. Condolences on your loss.
That is very wise of you to ask. Anything can happen with people or pets that are unforseen, and in my case I was aware of her illness but didn’t seem immediate. It may help soften the quedtion to first ask about vet locale, any files on hand and then approach the dreaded how they would want such a terrible occasion handled (always get payment info in case they’re out of country etc.)
Could it be the sitters simply didn’t want to distress you while you were away?
As an HO, I was asked by one sitter if I’d want to be notified if something terrible happened to my dog - like, a major accident or even death - or would I prefer not to know until I got home, since there would be nothing I could do about it from a distance. I was taken-aback at the question, but understood it was a sensible one to ask. Now, as a sitter, if any animal has any health issues, I ask the same question…
I feel for you. But I also feel for your sitter. I hope you can talk it through and reach an understanding that helps you both.
Yes, she had lost some weight and that was discussed prior to the housesit. That was one of the things I wanted to be apprised of. She had lost quite a bit weight since the housesit began according to the vet records.
For others questioning whether I should be blaming Housesitter. I knew my cats time was coming and that’s why I wanted to know her conditions so I could be with her but having no indication that she had fallen so far to where my sister found her I think means something was truly amiss in attention, as someone suggested.
Was it “odd” to let my cat go 1 day before I returned? Blood tests Revealed she was in kidney failure and extending her misery until I could get home 12 to 20 hours later seemed unconscionable. 
@EASTBAYCA So sorry for your loss. And sorry to go so long about this but it is a topic that I believe sitters and HOs should think about and discuss before the sit starts.
I’ve had 2 experiences like this -
One of my first sits was with a senior dog - partially blind and deaf (which I knew in advance)and occasionally incontinent (but the whole house had terrazzo and he weighed less than 10 lbs so it wasn’t hard to clean up). I asked the HO what I should do if - she had already planned for the possibility and told me that she and the vet had discussed the decision and the vet knew her wishes. Fortunately Lucky was lucky and we had a good week together sitting on a back deck looking out over a lake!
I was sitting 3 dogs (1 a big very old guy), a cat and a parrot while the HOs were on a cruise - about a 10 day sit. About 4 days in, the old guy stopped eating, moved with great difficulty. Unfortunately, the HOs had limited internet on the cruise and were relatively new to the area so not a lot of close friends in the area and family was with them the on the cruise. I took the dog to the vet, who said he’s an old dog, we did labs and got some gabapentin for pain. I did my best to keep him comfortable through the sit. He stopped eating but drank lots of water. Finally was able to contact the HOs day before the sit ended. Riley hung on until they returned but barely moved the last 3 days of the sit. I got a message that he died a few hours after the HO returned - almost as if he was waiting for them. (HO gave me a very good review and invited me to return but I was already committed.)
Even if the dog’s condition had been dire, the vet would not have euthanized on my authority - it would have to be from the HO. My lesson from that sit is -
- have the conversation about ‘what if’
- have a letter or note to the vet authorizing me (by name) or a family member or local friend to make care decisions, even specifying how much the HO was willing to spend.
And I ask for that letter for all sits now. I’ve had a dozen sits since then and HOs have all been happy to provide that letter.
I’ve been there with my own cats and dogs and know how hard it is to make the decision, but the best interest of the pet is most important.
So sorry for your loss. She must have went downhill really quickly, which happens all of the time. With her having kidney disease they may have thought she was doing okay considering she had kidney disease and was old.
You are hurting right now and trying to deal with your loss, ask your sitters about it, but please remember, you were only gone for a month, and her body had already started failing her.
But remember, you had told them you would come home immediately, so you knew she was bad-bad, and you knew she was on borrowed time. So to me, I know you are hurting but perhaps you are feeling guilty that you were away for a whole month at a time when you knew she didn’t have long left, so perhaps you are looking for someone to blame because it’s easier than the guilt you may be feeling. But there shouldn’t be blame and there shouldn’t be guilt, she was an old cat with health problems, who obviously loved you, so please try to remember the good times. It can all happen so quickly, you know this, you are just hurting right now.
There may have been no physical signs until the last day. There’s only the weightloss that should have been evident, but if she was still eating, they wouldn’t have thought twice about it. The other symptoms can happen very quickly, and very suddenly, within a day sometimes with an old pet.
Hi @EASTBAYCA
On behalf of the Forum team, I just wanted to say how sorry we are to hear about your cat.
Losing a pet is incredibly hard, as they’re such a big part of our lives. Take all the time you need to grieve, and remember we’re all here for you. Hold onto those special memories - you gave them a wonderful, loving home.
Feel free to keep chatting with everyone here, share photos or stories if it helps, and I hope that the replies so far have helped you as you navigate your loss.
Thank you to everyone who has popped on to share their thoughts so far. 
Did you mean to write that you said so explicitly?
Could it be that the sitters did not want you to come home early? And was there only text messaging? Did they not send pictures? Or maybe fewer after the first weeks?
On longer sits like that, I also tend to send pictures less frequently. With older cats, the photo’s often look very similar: the cat on its favourite spot.
I don’t know what I would have done as a sitter. First of all, I probably would not have taken such a sit. And then, I might not have told worrying details unless the HO had really asked. I have taken care of a sweet old dog near the end of her life, just a week. The owners were aware of her condition, she was blind and could not walk further than around the block. So my messages were about when the dog was happy.
This was sad to read, my sympathies.
I absolutely agree! Dehydration in the final stages of CKD can ravage the body very quickly indeed, which may be significant if these sitters left the day before the OP’s sister went in to check.
It seems fair to say this senior kitt with CKD could potentially have had appetite changes as the disease progressed over the last month of her life (we’ve cared for both cats and dogs with this condition, who needed small specialist meals often, but who would sometimes appear ravenous and at other times not be interested in eating at all). This sporadic eating pattern can mask changes in the cat’s dietary health unless you’re there all the time to observe. Fluffy cats can sometimes lose weight without it being immediately apparent unless you frequently run your hands over them.
@EASTBAYCA did your sitters send regular updates, with photos? Did you notice any significant changes in her appearance in the last few days?
It sounds as if your girl went downhill fast, in her last hours. It doesn’t seem like sitter negligence, and I’m sure they’ll be devastated to hear your sad news.
Sending virtual hugs to you. 
Thank you, that is a very thoughtful answer and you are right. I do feel terrible guilt and sadness for not being there for my cat in her last hours. I miss her so as I was looking forward to spending a lot of time with her on my return. Boots’ passing is perhaps the hardest of the three as no others are left snd I think I see each of them in the house here and there.
I know I will be speaking to my housesitter and she will be upset as she loved Boots too but i do need to find out what happened. Thank you all for your kindness. This was Boots a week ago.
Awwwwww so cute , you have nothing to feel guilty about, you obviously loved and adored her, we can all tell that. She looks like a sweetheart xx
Im sorry for the loss of your cat. It’s never easy. We just lost our dog of 12 years. Yes, we knew he was moving slower but never realized he had gone down hill so quickly. He was eating and walking in the morning and in the afternoon he laid down and that was it. Animals mask things very well and it can often be difficult to discern what is happening. Your best chance is to have a candid conversation with the sitters. I imagine they were frightened as well re the situation.