The Loneliness of the Long Term Sitter

yes, I just did a 3 week sit in a country where almost no-one speaks my language and I really struggled to find people to connect to. I should say, I’m well travelled, I’m used to finding people, I’m happy with my own company a lot of the time but I think in this case it was a combo of everything being a struggle to find e.g. buying a bus ticket took 2 days to figure out, and not having anyone to talk to. So yes, I was very lonely on this sit. Luckily the furry was lovely :).

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I think your response is quite condescending, maybe it’s not meant to be but that’s how it comes across. You ‘assume’ that the OP didn’t put in the effort to meet people etc, it’s not always that straightforward.

It doesn’t come across as condescending to me, it was simply an answer to the question. Suggesting dance classes is a great idea (if fit enough).

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I’m very new to this and a pretty big introvert but this is something I’ve worried about feeling so in between sits I’ve booked stays at hostels, B&B’s, work stays, and found some people online looking to connect with other travelers I may meet up with. I wonder if you might have friends back home interested in doing a sit with you? Reddit and Facebook have some great groups for solo travelers and digital nomads—even if you never meet up with anyone sometimes it’s just nice to make some virtual friends to talk to.

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@Maerad my sons and I are also geocachers. Is Maerad also your caching name? If so, our paths must have crossed multiple times over the past couple of weeks!

Hiya Debbie - yes indeed I am a geocacher and that’s my caching name too. Having just spent 2 weeks at Piratemania and the Severn Mega, no doubt our paths have indeed crossed many times. What is your caching name?

My caching name is fastdebbie, and my sons are ScoobyDoo!! & ScrappyDoo! If you did the Mini Mega Maker AdLab will have met them!

Just wanted to give this discussion a little boost because there are so many awesome tips here!

Pets are such amazing companions and can really help with loneliness. Our love for animals can lead to some wonderful human connections, whether it’s through puppy classes, dog-walking groups, horse riding, or even just hanging out at a cat cafe!

I’ve seen so many inspiring stories in this forum, people making lifelong friends through housesitting, or even meeting up in person for the first time. It’s one of my favourite things to see on the Forum!

Online communities like ours are a great way to connect with others. If you’re doing a long-term sit, why not reach out to local pet walking groups? It’s a fun way to explore a new area and make friends who share your interests.

Have you tried anything like this before?

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I thought this discussion group might like this add. It’s where pets that used to be pals are now separated by distance so the owners arrange a video call ! In the picture you can see the pet howling! - the inset box shows the other pet on call.

Maybe we could be opening up a new pet community call centre or dating site? Haha!

Let’s tackle loneliness head on!

In my experience, repeating same areas helps. Further in my experience, here is how to do it. Secure a sit that is at least 3 weeks. Set a dating app to that location at least 2 weeks before you go there. Find interesting people, suggest a meeting for your week 1. Those that you like and that are open to your lifestyle, meet them every week you are there to build a baseline. (You dont need to be looking for dates, just interesting people). After that, meet them when you are around. I have this in several cities of Europe - but at the same time, maybe my approach to friendship is bit unusual. I have lived abroad (stationary) and during that time made friends there, and I am in no contact with them unless we are in the same city. When we are, we will for sure meet up. I dont at all do the “hi how are you”-texting, and I dont have friends (I actively stay away from people who) that do that.

Also boar game groups. When the activity has clear rules, it is easy to manage even in a strange culture.

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Thanks for the tips - unfortunately, when you are as ugly and uninspiring as me, you don’t get (m)any matches on dating apps.

Also, how do you mean ‘‘I dont at all do the “hi how are you”-texting’’ ? Is that not an appropriate message? (I’m very inexperienced in dating apps)

I should have been clearer. With my friends, I dont text with them unless there is something practical to discuss (like next meetup). Most people will keep in touch with their friends weekly/monthly, just chatting about “how have you been”, and I dont do that, but I have deep and lasting friendships (where I meet the person for one evening once a year and have no other contact).

I dont do the “hi how are you” in dating either, which shows in my profile and attracts the right crowd: weirdos.

I really hope you find a way to have nice casual connections, whatever you like to do, be it to share a dinner every now and then or go to see theatre with someone who is as enthusiastic as you or which ever. I think there are many “ugly and uninspiring” people who are actually great to spend time with, and the issue is to find each other, not that it will be dull to be together.

Adult friendships, and connection over all, are difficult and ridiculous. If I pass you and want to talk to you (I am from Northern Europe), that is seen as weird. If you drop your glove and I hand it back to you, it is romantic story on how we got marries. There is no difference between story a and b, yet we need a superficial exuse. We cant just go around greeting people, we need the theater, yet most of us grave for contact constantly. Ridiculous and sad that there has not emerged a casual norm for contact. (I have been once piked up at a railway station, by an older lady who was like “you cant stay here, it is getting dark, come with me for a dinner” and she brought me to a restaurant and we did not even properly speak the same language but why not! it was nice time!)

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@anon42303101 you reminded me of a lady from the US we met in a northern Spanish town. She heard us speaking English and stopped us as she had not spoken to anyone in English for two weeks. We ended up chatting for awhile, then invited her to have a drink with us which merged into dinner. She had made the brave decision to relocate from the states and at this point was seriously considering she might have made a mistake. We hope that brief time of communication gave her the lift she needed to continue. It was also uplifting for us. Even though we travel as a couple, I sure get sick of just having conversations with my husband, I’ve already heard all his stories :rofl:

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I’m happily married but like to chat to people at bus stops etc and if a dog appears I definitely make a move to chat to the owner . The other day I was with my wife and friends having a coffee in a restaurant and a guy came in with his dog a long haired Dachshund. The dog was all over me and the man apologised. I went and sat with him and his delightful dog. He turned out to live locally and be a breeder of Spanish Mastiffs. His breeding dog was worth 20,000 euros pups were 3,000 euros each. He had a big farm so didn’t need a dog walker lol. Soon we were sharing photos of dogs and it was a delightful connection. He sold shampoos for dogs etc and was off to Valladolid for a dog show at the weekend. He travelled everywhere with his Dachshund who was a great companion and rat catcher!

So glad the dog brought us together!

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I catch up this thread I may suggest some something for solo-sitters in France :clipperton_island: .

There is a website for “friendly meetings” in France called OVS : On Va Sortir : meaning Let’s go out.

There is one in every big cities in France, you will find it with the name OVS+city on your search engine.

People organize event (a diner, a movie, a walk, a theater… any thing and every thing really). You just write your name down (usually it is open to a number of participants) and you go to the meeting. Nice activities, nice people to connect with.

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