Things I, as a sitter, wouldn't let a pet parent get away with

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Welcome @LisaMcTay -
We don’t mind watering flowerbeds and mention that in our profile. We state clearly that we’re not gardeners but we don’t mind watering the pots/ veg patch . If the home has a garden during our video chat (which is before confirming the sit ) we ask so do you have a gardener coming / will any watering need to be done ? Sometimes owners haven’t thought about it but then say oh yes there’s the greenhouse / veg patch to be watered . So we at least know before accepting the sit and can make an informed decision.

We haven’t had the grooming appointment situation as owners we’ve sat for have arranged for any grooming appointments to take place before the sit started .

Set your boundaries firmly .” Please re-schedule the grooming appointment for when you return( or arrange for someone else to take xx to the groomers ) as that isn’t a sitter’s responsibility .”

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23

There are mobile dog groomers, I did a sit for one in Cambridge (UK)! He had a large van, with a treatment bench and water and all equipment inside, for making house calls.

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24

@LisaMcTay Like @Silversitters, we don’t mind watering plants in warm weather. In fact, I think even if we hadn’t been asked to do it, we would still water any plants starting to look thirsty in hot weather. We enjoy spending time in the garden, so don’t mind keeping it alive! We do love it when there is a gardener instead though!

We haven’t had the grooming appointment situation, but we did have one sit where one of the dogs was due to have a regular injection at the vets and it fell towards the end of our sit. The hosts were very apologetic, and offered to reschedule it, but with the sit being over Christmas and finishing just before New Year, it might have been tricky, so we said we were happy to take her. They then offered to pay our fuel costs, which we also said wasn’t necessary as it was only a 15 minute drive away, and we were driving the dogs to different places for walks anyway (our choice).

I think it makes a huge difference when it is asked with the offer to reschedule, rather than just being told. Also, an injection is probably more time sensitive than a groomers appointment - and quicker too. I think it would be more considerate of the hosts to offer to reschedule the groomer. The exception might be if it was a long sit and necessary for the dog’s comfort or wellbeing. A groomer might be preferable to trying to brush a tangled and matted dog, if they are a breed prone to this.

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25

If there were surprise duties that I hadn’t agreed to and didn’t want to do, then I’d say so, without apology, because they’re the ones who didn’t divulge info ahead of time and assumed.

It doesn’t have to be confrontational or angry. You could say something like, oh, there’s been a miscommunication, because we didn’t discuss that before I agreed to sit. I wish we had, because unfortunately that’s not something I do at all. … And then I might just switch the topic and/or leave the room, like say you want to unpack or freshen up. Then if they bring it up again later, which would be nervy, I’d just repeat what I said earlier.

Of course, to me, it depends on what the ask is and how they ask, like tone wise. If they sound like they think I’m their servant, I might frame it so they know that’s not the case. Like, oh, I know it be nice to have full services. I’d love a butler myself. But the Trusted Housesitters exchange we agreed to doesn’t cover X. … I’d say that in a casual tone, because there’s enough bite in the framing to set most people back even if they’re entitled.

If someone insisted despite what I said, I’d say something like, I’m really sorry to hear that, because it sounds like our sit won’t work out. How about I step out for a walk and give you time to make alternative arrangements? … If they regain their sanity, then they’ll probably apologize and back off. If not, then to me that’s a super red flag and I should leave.

I always have a backup plan and think everyone should.

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26

Yes, that is my experience. But it is not likely to get you five stars :slight_smile:

If the sitter is not too worried about the rating and when they have a backup plan (in my case that was just taking the train back home), they have quite a bit of leverage.

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27

Yup, that’s a risk. But sitters have to decide individually what they’re willing to do to get five stars. Otherwise, it’s a slippery slope and you can end up feeling put upon.

Personally, I don’t pay a membership fee so I can end up feeling that way. And if a host surprised me with significant duties or such, I’d mention that in my review and warn off other sitters. If other hosts avoided me for pushing back on unpleasant surprises, so be it.

I’ve read red flags and avoided such sits so far, though. I’ve not had any unpleasant encounters.

I seem to recall that you did a sit that turned out badly, @pietkuip, but there was maybe a bad review about the host and sit previously that you didn’t take into account? Please correct me if I’m remembering wrong.

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28

Yes, there was a previous bad review. I did not quite disregard it, but I thought that the complaint about those previous sitters (old-age infirmity) would not affect me. I was wrong there - the HO insinuated that I was going senile…

There were other warning signs too, but I was inexperienced and had not read much on the forums when I applied to that sit.

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29

I hope your review mentioned that, because other sitters might want to avoid them. I read their review at the time and thought it was crazy that they accused you of throwing yourself into a chair violently or such, breaking it. As if you’d want to hurt yourself, much less damage their chair.

They’re the ones who looked bad as a result of the sit and review, IMO.

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30

Yes, you can’t control everything about the reviews you get.
They are not worth damaging yourself for.

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31

Agree with your post

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As a pet owner that lives in rural France, sometimes trying to arriving just the day before is not always possible. Some of our sitters fly, make transfers to trains, etc. Depending on how far in advance people are coming from we tell them they can come two days in advance if they like. It’s a good thing too. One of our sitters had a train misconnection and ended up having to spend the night near the train station and come in the next day. If he had not planned to come in 2 days in advance, we would have had to delay our plans as well. We have plenty of room and would rather folks come in early, than to be late. There’s also plenty of sightseeing to do if they want explore on their own on arrival day.

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33

Each to their own, we all have different preferences don’t we :blush:

For us we usually always arrive in a country a day or 2 before the sit starts, so there is no risk of flight delays etc. We often use this time to see somewhere else in the country that we wouldn’t be able to see during the sit. For example, we are currently on a sit in Madrid, and before coming to Madrid from a different country we stayed in Barcelona for a few days in an Airbnb, then got a 2hr train from Barcelona to Madrid the evening before the owners left and did the handover and everything.

In 4 years of sitting, we have never had issues with transport & getting to a sit on time, and has never been an issue of concern for a HO that we’ve ever sat for. We communicate clearly to owners about our preferences, and don’t do sits where an owner wants a 1 - 2 day overlap, as this just isn’t for us. But everyone is different and that’s totally fine :blush:

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34

Well, I suppose if you disclosed this to Valatari, they’d be happy to not have you come in two days in advance.

Not every sitter does that (in fact, very few do), so this kind of flexibility to problems can not be implied and needs to be discussed.

My second-to-next sitters for example are already on the island before the sit, so we haven’t even talked about when they’d move in. (They’re free to come whenever they want before the sit, of course, and they have a guest cottage to themselves, so the issue isn’t as grave as in a city apartment.)

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35

Tasks a host try to put on a sitter before a sit is not part of the agreement for the sit. That means you can cancel the sit in my opinion, or say that those tasks were not in our agreement and I cannot take them on. The problem here is also that some people take advantage. They are more likely to try to take advantage if they think they can get away with it. And they won’t try if they think they won’t. Too late for your sit, but one option, if one choose to do it or not, is to mention it in the review. While on sit I was also asked to do X and Y.

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36

What a picky lot we are……
I’m very careful about the sits I apply for and accept. Yes, occasionally I get it wrong and have to suck it up but I use it as a learning experience and add these things to my red flags list.
By the time we turn up to a sit I count the hosts as friends or someone I know. If a friend goes a way on holiday I would think nothing of watering their plants, cutting the grass, collecting mail and deliveries, running a basic local errand. Letting their daughter into the house to collect something she needs for her college week is a mere courtesy. Granny forgetting they are away and arriving for her weekly coffee and chat is a delight. I love listening to reminiscings. Arriving 24 or 48 hours before they leave is not really ideal but if they think it is necessary I do it, listen to all the details then take myself to a quiet room and read.
I do ask if there is any home improvements or building work scheduled for when they are away before accepting a sit as I have been caught out with that half a dozen times and it’s not nice. Also I have asked hosts to reschedule deliveries if they need signed if the timing interferes with something I had planned. And I’ve never had a star taken off a review for doing this.
I have never ever thought of walking out of a confirmed sit for anything, even a dirty, mouldy home. Clean the essential rooms and shut the door on the rest. I hate clutter so the pictures of the property are minutely studied before I even apply and during the video call I ask for a look around. I have been known to take pictures then putting things in another room that I’m not going to use. That’s my way of dealing with clutter.
Maybe I’m just too easy going. I have never read the t and cs of THS and I don’t want to. I use this as an introductory service and the rest is up to me and my twitchy nose.

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  1. Problem with that is it’s a slippery slope and can enable some hosts to think they can get away with more and more.

  2. THS is bartering. Some people have developed friendships, but there’s no such requirement. Personally, I do stuff for friends that I wouldn’t do for THS sitting. If hosts want to count on friendships, they could ask ones they have already and skip signing up for THS. But as many of them say, there’s only so much or so many times they can impose on friends, which is why they joined THS to barter.

  3. We’re all picky in our own ways, like you mentioned being in choosing sits. We’re entitled to each have our own preferences. And to find matches without being taken advantage of. Each of us decides what’s OK and what crosses lines.

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@Valatari I agree with what you write about “rural France”. We love doing sits in rural France and it really convenient for both parties to come 1 or 2 days earlier.
I like the relaxed mentality of the hosts we had in France. La douce France.
And what you say : they have enough rooms and space to not bother eachother.

@ElsieDownie I agree with your post about the daily tasks which comes with taking care of a pet and a house. These are things you would have to do at your own home too.

@Nagy26 We also take our time to travel to a sit. And if it is a long drive we make sure that we are already in the neighbourhood the day before the sit starts.
But as you said, everyone is different. Not everybody wants (and is able) to pay for night at an hotel (/campground).

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39

I see no slippery slope. I just see people being comfortable (or not comfortable) with what they are asked to do and acting accordingly. All I wrote was how I deal with the choices I and everyone else has. There is no need to have a melt down or contact management when something a sitter is not comfortable doing occurs. We all have a voice and most of us are very articulate and able to hold our own in an adult environment. Use the voice to say no. The problems seem to happen when sitters don’t use that voice and let themselves be manipulated into situations they are not happy with.

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40

I agree with you. I can’t always predict what others will do, but I can do my best to avoid those who may try and take advantage.

It’s nice to be nice. But hosts and sitters each know what is expected of them. If either party chooses to have low standards or cross boundaries, it’s not up to the other to just accept that for themselves.

I’m happy to say that I’m now a picky convert. I’ve had 4 really awful sits in the 37 + repeats on THS. But those 4 were killers. For my own sense of self respect, there’s no way I’ll accept staying in a situation like those again if I am ever unfortunate enough to encounter it.

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41

@ElsieDownie - I believe you’re doing what any “just normal sociable person” would do - check, connect, recheck, decide, and live with your decision. We HOs - well, most of us I hope, - are also only people. We (well, most of us I hope) like meeting new people, getting in touch, learning, and we need some trust or connection to be able to leave our home and foremost our family members in the hands of someone who was a stranger yesterday.

@Maggie8K - I believe you have either been burnt by not vetting the HO carefully enough and developed a healthy routine that works for you, and I also think you’re trying to shield new sitters here from harm. I applaud that.

Every sitter, I suppose, has their way of making sure the sit goes their way. While some seem to want total privacy, like in a hotel room with added pet-benefit, others like to become part of “the team that takes care of home and pets”. To each their own, everybody has needs, limits, their style and their desires, and there’s a sit for everybody here.

I myself (HO) - like the “team” approach, so that - if it goes well - everything just feels natural, priorities are clear, and I can leave with the confidence that everything will be at least as good as if I were there.

If I were a sitter (which I’m only privately sometimes) I would welcome the grandmother stopping by for a chat, or getting to know the neighbors who have an eye on things. I would not find that problematic, it’s part of living on that plot of land. Taking care of the lot (garden, mail), I would know about beforehand, because we would have talked about it, and also feel like it’s just part of normal life.

It’s important to do the vetting before you invite or accept. If you leave things until you are or your sitter is there, you have created an unnecessary problem.

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