It is not ok to be mean “elsewhere”. This is an open forum.
1 Like
I’m watching this conversation with great interest.
As someone who has spent a lot of time in online forums over the past 10-15 years, generally speaking there’s a lot of validity to @MTBer’s point around post structure and wording.
As the old saying goes, ‘you catch more bee’s with honey than vinegar.’
Personally, I’ve found great value in simple structures which try to recognise others and include introspection;
“That’s a good point and is fair. From my point of view…”
“When i was first starting, I encountered the same thing. What I changed was…”
There are lots of examples of this throughout the forum… there are also examples of posts that aren’t.
7 Likes
Open forum… Do you mean international ? I find that as a non-English native speaker, it’s becoming harder to understand what people are saying on this forum. So many Internet abbreviations to check, plus incomprehensible cultural hints, plus what looks like perhaps US slang. Plus you don’t know from the tone if the reply is bland, or rude, or honest, or snappy, or what… I often feel like an intruder.
I have no idea what a frat party is, may be it does not exist in my part of the world.
4 Likes
@Cecilia48 I totally understand what you are saying. I am English speaking but still struggle with some of the things you do also, maybe being older has a lot to do with it to. I can imagine how difficult it is for someone who’s first language isn’t English. Abbreviations I have to Google often. Open forum is a gathering, meeting, or digital space where anyone can openly discuss topics, ask questions, and share opinions, allowing for free expression. Below is what a frat house is so you know, it’s not used in my part of the world either but I’m familiar with the term through movies. It’s more American terminology.
2 Likes
Unnessessary rambling, turned it into a private message instead.
1 Like
By open I ment that the HO who is being shredded in this topic will be able to see it. That if you talk meanly about someone anywhere here on the forum, even if not to their face, it is still not allowed and you are still being mean -to them-, and not shouting to the wind.
I hope that you Cecilia48 get both: that you can continue to participate in the conversation, understand the general information, but also keep on learning more and more English, as is the benefit of international forum. Some of it is tiresome (I know what a frat party is but I will never myself use it), some is very specific (PP for pet parent), I think it is great opportunity to learn more.
To go back to the original post here: understanding would indeed be easier, if there would not be the need to try to guess if the tone is humorous or rude, or something completely else.
1 Like
You can “sugar coat” anything. The “frat house” comment could have been kindly worded. What’s wrong with “Your house looks messy, which doesn’t sell your sit. It would show better and probably attract more sitters if you tidied up." ?
It’s disingenuous to claim that one person’s mean and nasty is another’s blunt and direct. We all know what mean and nasty look like and they can always be avoided.
5 Likes
I agree with the OP that we could and should improve the general tone of our comments. I must admit that I have had to apologize and change my post on a couple of occasions.
However, I do think that giving examples and pointing the finger to some members, who consistently offer kind, constructive advice as it’s the case with @Cuttlefish, defeats the very purpose of this thread.
5 Likes
When someone wrote a post that the homeowner kept texting after a sit she said she blocked her. 80%agreed. I thought that was brutal and unkind. You just spent two months at their house. Just send an honest text why you can no longer keep communicating once the sit was over. We all have different opinions on things and sometimes I think it is partly generational.
3 Likes
Thank you for all that great kind advice and your past efforts. Being newly active here I am not familiar with ALL of the regulars and their styles. I am pleased to see that many people are interested in reading this topic. If i can inspire just a couple people to ‘think before you speak’ I would be grateful. There is no need to embarrass people genuinely trying to improve their listing and asking for tips/advice. ITs a vulnerable position to be in, the home is a very personal space. We all choose to live differently, being a THS Pet Parent requires an education to get the best out of the site (for both me and sitter). I have learned this after about 6 months and a lot of effort. I truly appreciate what I continue to learn over here in the community.
9 Likes
Me too I had to google it.
1 Like
As a mature person I was always brought up with this saying kindness doesn’t cost.
4 Likes
The issue with this approach is that it does not lead to kindness. Because kindness is actually very expensive to some people, and claiming that it would be free further exiles them.
When you have been brought in circumstances where you have to fight for even minimal care, kindness is a strange thing that you need to learn and practice and still you need to often fight back the urge to do as how you were brought up with.
When you grew up in underresourced place, kindness has been abused. It costs to deal with that pain, to take risks and to know where kindness end and boundaries starts.
There is anther saying: “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. It has been, and still somewhere is, a belief that kind parent physically harms their child. Kindness depends strongly to the context. As an international community, it is very hard to know what the other person considers kind. Figuring that out certainly costs time and effort.
I would rather say that kindness does cost, more to ones than to others, and if kindness is free for you, use your extra resources to understand. Not nessesserily to accept, but to understand.
2 Likes
Well, now the person who told me on this post how much she dislikes me decided to email me privately through this platform. Paragraphs of word salad that I stopped reading half way through. I asked them not to contact me again. I just saw I have another email from them. This is getting borderline harassment so can a moderator tell me how to block someone from showing up in your emails. Just because I had an opinion she didn’t like we are now at this place, sad. I actually meet in person every 6 weeks with 5 other seniors who travel occasionally using different exchange platforms. One other from THS. Maybe because we are all from the US, all seniors and meet in person we exchange opinions, laugh, share stories, etc, etc. it never becomes heated. We try to see things through each other’s eyes when a different opinion is expressed. Exchanging ideas in person is so much better. I will have a break from this forum for a while and grateful for the 5 travelers I meet with.
9 Likes
You have been a consistent source of wisdom and insight for me, thank you. Wish I could join your group!
3 Likes
Hello @SeniorSitter1
I have just sent you a DM so if you could please check for this.
Thank you.
Sam.
1 Like
I have only sent you the instructions on how to block someone (me) on the platform here, as you expressed in your reply that you would no longer like to hear from me. I included an apology for bothering you one more time.
It kinda does make me chuckle that in the message you so dislike has the exact information you are looking for…
But I also understand how it comes across as harassment, which I did not intend.
I promise that in the future I will only respond to you publicly - even when your messages get removed due to foul language. (TBH I will try my best to remember which one you are and not really engage with you again, besides expressing straight disagreements, but give me a break about harassment, I´m not the one who gets their posts removed!)
Appreciate your kind words.
2 Likes
@Cuttlefish, thanks for your thoughtful comments across numerous threads 
.
We’ve paused commenting on this thread. We’ve observed some unkind comments. But we suspect some THS Forum members may be frustrated by occasional OP that clearly have made negligible effort with their profile, listing, etc etc or enter Forum with serve-me entitlement for free labour from THS Marketing 
2 Likes
@SeniorSitter1, really sorry to hear of statements. I note that your profile was created in Dec 2025. I’ve read comments from a THS Forum regular member with similar name from well before that date. If that’s you then thank you for numerous thoughtful contributions.
An irony to this specific thread is that many THS Forum members appear to volunteer their time - yep, we’re all volunteers - to pass their considerable knowledge and positive enthusiasm to the next batch/generation of THS members. We believe that most THS members - both sides - are good people but with exceptions, Perhaps it’s the same on THS Forum. Beyond my paygrade.
3 Likes