Why I left THS for a Year

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Hey all. I just needed to share something that’s been weighing on me for a while. I used to really love THS. I’ve done about 40 sits, most of them fantastic. I learned the ropes, adapted to different personalities, and became really good at knowing which sits were a good fit. But one sit shook me so badly that I took a year off — and even now, I only sit occasionally, and only when I’m absolutely sure it’s the right situation.

This sit seemed great on paper: beautiful multimillion-dollar home in a tourist town, two awesome dogs, and just 40 minutes from my home. We met online first, and then I even went out in person for a meet and greet as a courtesy to her. She seemed a little anxious — said she’d had issues with past sitters — but nothing that raised red flags. I wanted to reassure her, so I showed her how caring and attentive I am and understanding of her needs. She had more rules than usual, but I figured she was just being extra careful.

However, she changed her travel dates three times, and I stayed flexible. Then, two days before the sit, she called me in a panic asking where I was. She thought I was late. I had triple-checked the latest dates and was sure I had it right, but something had gotten miscommunicated. Still, I dropped everything and rushed over right away to help her out. Luckily, I hadn’t waited until the last minute to pack, but I had to cancel my plans to accommodate her.

The actual sit went totally fine. The dogs were awesome and we had a great time. However, on her return, which was five hours earlier and without notice, I was out having tea with a friend, so I wasn’t there when she arrived. I’d asked her to let me know her return time, but she didn’t. Instead, she got home, found I wasn’t there, and put all my belongings on the street. Suitcase, laptop, clothes — everything. When I returned, I was stunned. She just looked at me coldly and said, “I told you anything left behind would be thrown out.” I remembered her saying that, but thought she meant, like, a toothbrush or shampoo!

Then she left me a nasty and totally false review, claiming I left the house messy (it was spotless), accused me of stealing used pillows (??), and generally tried to trash my reputation. I had perfect reviews from every sit before and after this, but this one woman completely tanked my profile.

I tried to leave a fair but cautious review, simply saying I couldn’t recommend the sit. I held back on the details to avoid retaliation, trusting that THS would handle things behind the scenes. But they didn’t. She’s still active and I’m the one left with the damage on my profile. Now, I wonder how many good sits I may not get because of this one horrendous review. The whole thing made me stop loving THS. So sad when I think about it.

Just needed to get this off my chest. I know many of you are great sitters too, and it’s heartbreaking when one host and a lack of support from the platform make you question everything. Thanks for listening.

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Thank you for sharing your experience to help others.

There’s is something that I would like know did you raise a member dispute so that THS were informed at the time and could start an investigation ?
Was this before blind reviews were introduced?

I am sure although rare that others will have had similar experiences and share how they regained their love of THS .

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What a dreadful experience, especially as you went out of your way to accommodate this woman. Clearly she has mental health issues and isn’t the first time on THS. I’m so glad that it hasn’t put you off completely and that you continued getting the great reviews after that you deserve. I suppose you will have learnt a lot from this experience, although a hard lesson.

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Can you write a careful rebuff to her lyin’ review still? Did you? And, as silversitters said, did you raise a dispute? It’s unbelievable you didn’t get support from THS. I hope you are lucky with next sits. Anxiety and too many rules are the big red flags I’ve found… the hard way too. But changing plans and accusing you of being the flake is a no go. She sounds horrible and I’m sorry you went through that. Like others have said often, this is a mutual exchange and the HO is the most critical element in success…. I’m so sorry!

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I am seeing from the forums that this happens—it’s not common, but it does seem to happen to many sitters at least once if they go long enough. I mean this whole platform is an experiment for both sides, and there is no vetting or QC really, just reviews after the fact, making us all “testers” of the systems.

When TH is working, it’s so great that I think you get comfortable! Things are cruising along! And then these bad sits with crazy (or just really intense and disorganized) HOs hit you. And when they blame all issues on you or begin to treat you abusively, it somehow reeks of some weird classist mindset that adds extra insult to injury. This is the most common problem, I think…the mindset of HOs that causes them to exploit sitters in these ways. It comes up in the forums a lot.

I understand how it can be disheartening :rose:

Taking a break is a great idea. I may also do the same soon. I’ve learned a lot about my limits in this process too—ie not booking sits longer than 2 weeks, not doing more than 2 sits back to back and taking at least a month off between them, etc.

I will also say that reading the forums and posting about issues always encourages me to eventually get back to it, just adding more questions, filters and steps back into the process.

But also—there’s nothing wrong with leaving the site as well! Or shifting to a paid sitting service, or setting things up differently.

Whatever works best for you! I mean this platform is a very certain kind of life hack. You know? Not required, just addictive.

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Hi @angelac.california,

Welcome to the THS forum and thanks for sharing your experience.

It’s really important that as a community we share our stories, good and bad, learning from each others experiences - this could be in this forum, through reviews, and when applicable, with member services.

With the time you’ve taken, I hope you’re also able to look back on the other 40 sits and look fondly on the fantastic times you’ve had.

As you know, being a Trusted Housesitters member is about offering a mutual exchange where both parties (and the pets) benefit. Forums like ours are a great place to learn about how to avoid negative experiences and maximise the fantastic opportunities to meet great people, tick off a bucket list and travel.

Is there a particular place you’d like to visit? Perhaps someone in the forum could connect you with a fantastic pet parent? :slight_smile:

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Hi Silversitters, yes, I immediately raised a member dispute and wanted to warn THS about this person to protect other sitters, but was told that nothing would be done. And yes, this was before blind reviews began. I was glad to see they had installed a new reviewing system.

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Thank you Smiley. I try very hard to be a top sitter and compassionate person. I also think of myself as very observant of human, and animal, behavior, however, this one really through me for a loop, because she was so black and white in her behavior and I didn’t see the narcissism coming and was totally blindsided. As a sensitive person, it’s scary to find myself so vulnerable like that and I had hoped THS would have investigated something like this to protect other sitters. Trust is the main word here and they failed. I was just so glad I was near my home and not travelling somewhere faraway, and I got back to her house to get my things before they were taken.

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Yes, I did write a fair and honest rebuttal to her review and I’m hoping it helps calm anyone who might be put off by it. I did raise a dispute after carefully going over the rules. I actually spoke to THS employees about it but was told that there was nothing in place to deal with this kind of thing(period). This shook me and it was why I stopped doing sittings with the app. I seemed THS had no system in place to protect travelers. I’m sure I also stopped just to heal from the bad experience too and get my confidence back up. I really saw zero red flags from this woman and questioned my ability to judge people. I think, it didn’t help my confidence that I also misjudged THS.

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While your appreciation and constructive suggestions are noted, this response clearly deflects from a significant and still unaddressed (I’m assuming ?) issue which could potentially impact future sitters.

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Ahhh I relate to this so much.

Sometimes we do sense red flags but they are so subtle and mixed in with other green flags that we don’t immediately take action. Plus, I really think most sitters here try to solve things as they go and finish sits they’ve already started, both for logistical and personal reasons—and this is the thing. The toxic HOs know not to reveal all their red flags until a sitter is already there and committed. They know if they revealed all the real issues, no one would apply.

Additionally there is a part of Cluster B (or similar) personalities wherein they are looking for constant reassurance and “salve” to all their anxieties and tensions. If they meet a nice sitter who they think will do whatever they say, they are on their best behavior and putting that sitter on a pedestal, because they feel that person could be their “savior”.

So when you don’t do whatever they want (even if it’s just in their mind), they immediately start to knock you off that pedestal and grow more and more negative. Sometimes it’s not even you, it’s that something or someone else triggered them, and taking it out on you is part of your perceived role for them. Of course you never agreed to be this for them, and you have no idea why they “change”. It is absolutely unethical and unfair but I see it happen. They do it with anyone but especially those who are “working” for them or “caring” for them. It’s a power play and it’s so not ok.

So don’t beat yourself up too much about it. This person you dealt with is or was mentally ill. Too bad TH won’t remove them, that is scary.

Just curious, what brought you back to the platform?

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Thank you for the thoughtful and informative response.

Now that I’ve had a chance to reflect on things and discuss what happened here, I view it as a meaningful learning opportunity. I guess new and unexpected experiences, whether positive or challenging, are an inherent part of life.

I decided to return to THS because of the many great experiences I’ve had in the past. I genuinely missed being part of it and the sense of connection it brings. Recently, I found myself wanting that comfort and joy of spending time with fur-babies again, which inspired me to start looking for quality sits that I know are out there. However, I’m still disappointed in THS’s response to the situation, but maybe that’s just an American thing. We here in the States might be more cautious about engaging with strangers and have high expectations from an agency that puts trust in its name. I had expected more personal and caring attention to something like this, but maybe they’ve grown too large to provide that kind of response to managing poor behavior when it occurs.

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Your response here made me think about the HO and my final take on her. I came to the conclusion that she was a very rich and entitled predator. Someone with enough money to hire professional care for her pets but unfortunately preferred to take advantage of free travelling vulnerable sitters. Hopefully, if she continues this type of behavior, it does get back to THS and they do something about it after enough complaints.

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These were early red flags:

Also sounds like she has mental issues.

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I agree. A common thread in the bad stories we hear from sitters on this forum is that there were some red flags that the sitter took note of but then rationalized or accommodated in some way. Almost every one says something to the effect of “In retrospect, this should have clued me in to what this person was like and what might happen.”

The takeaway for me as a sitter is to listen to my gut, treat any red flag as one too many, and be safe rather than sorry in cancelling sits if a red flag appears.

I would guess it’s the same for HOs if they encounter red flags after choosing a sitter.

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What an awful experience for you! This is something I often think about. As a sitter with THS for 10 years and with 50 glowing reviews, I do worry occasionally about having an experience like this. All it takes is one “bad apple” homeowner to tarnish your reputation and ruin the entire experience. It sounds like this homeowner was very “unstable” and so unfortunate that she is still a member on here whereas a good sitter like you has decided to take time off. Hopefully you can move forward from this horrible experience.

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I’ve had great experiences with THS and spared myself, because I take all gut reactions and red flags (even yellow flags) seriously.

For me, having standards agnostic of hosts or sits or even THS works well. Like I don’t let anyone treat me or talk to me X way, even actual bosses who pay me well. And I sit only as icing, so there’s just no reason to subject myself to needless risks or to entitled, exploitative, rude, mean or creepy hosts.

I also urge everyone to have a Plan B, so you’re never trapped or stranded, whether as a sitter or host.

Plus, review honestly and specifically. Don’t enable bad hosts or sitters.

If everyone navigated similarly, it would be easy to drum bad hosts or sitters off THS, because they wouldn’t continue to get sits or sitters.

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I hate stories like this. I can’t even imagine throwing someone’s belongings in the street! That’s beyond bonkers. And THS’s response is shameful. Sorry for your experience.

If you decide to start sitting again I suggest you require any date changes be made on the platform. This requires approval from the sitter and changes the dates of the listing so there can be no confusion. In addition to adding peace of mind you will both be better covered by insurance and T&C’s, etc (for what they’re worth) which won’t happen if you’re there outside official sit dates.

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Agree wholeheartedly with this!

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Excellent suggestion, Shafofo! I have only done a dozen sits and have experienced date changes multiple times. Seems to be fairly common so I have learned to document it through THS.

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