A really tough week as a sitter

After 9 years in this community, I can honestly say this has been one of the hardest weeks I’ve had with THS, if not the hardest.
Over the last weekend, we started to notice that one of the cats we’re looking after wasn’t himself. First thing Monday morning, we took him to the vet. They ran some tests and found he really wasn’t well, possibly pancreatitis. He’s still hospitalised and in a serious condition. :crying_cat:
His owners are on the other side of the world, and I can only imagine how hard this must be for them as well.
I’m sharing this here because I know people in this community really understand how awful this feels. They’re part of the family. :smiling_cat_with_heart_eyes:
If you’ve been through something similar, as a host or a sitter, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about :mending_heart:

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It’s awful on so many levels, your attachment to the cat takes on a different form when it’s unwell as you feel extra responsible for not only getting the best care for the cat but also taking on the emotional responsibility of taking care of the HOs at a distance. Who is supporting you I wonder? I hope you’re able to reach out to friends or family. It’s a privilege and a challenge to successfully navigate a pet’s possible sad demise. This has to be faced as a potential experience, and not easy. Please keep in touch.

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Hi @MyrCar :slightly_smiling_face:

Oh gosh… this one really lands. After so many years of sitting, you don’t just “look after” them — they become yours for that window of time, and when something goes wrong, it cuts deep.

We’ve been down this exact path ourselves more than once over our 14 years full-time, and that feeling of walking into the vet, then walking out without them… it’s just heartbreaking. You carry both the responsibility and the emotion.

And you’re absolutely right — while this is incredibly tough for the HOs being so far away, they will be quietly grateful (more than they can probably even express right now) that it’s you there. Someone who noticed, acted quickly, and is sitting beside their kitty with genuine care and compassion. That matters more than anything.

A couple of gentle, practical thoughts — only if helpful:

  • Keeping updates simple, steady, and reassuring can really help HOs feel anchored. Even short messages like “no change today, still being closely monitored” go a long way.

  • If decisions might be needed, it can ease pressure to let them know you’ll follow the vet’s guidance and keep them informed, so they don’t feel they have to carry everything from afar.

  • And for you — if you can, take a moment to step outside, reset, breathe. It’s a lot to hold.

You’ve done exactly what any loving, responsible sitter would hope to do in this situation. Truly.

Thinking of you — and hoping for the best possible outcome for your little patient

:paw_prints: :heart:

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Yours is the deep downside of being a sitter. I wouldn’t want to be close to a situation that does raise another question. When should sitters notify a host of a pet health (or home front) issue IF the hosts are not in a position to do a damn thing? As a host, we notify our vet that so-and-so will be sitting our cats and are authorized to make routine care decisions. And we leave a CC on file. I’d certainly want to be pulled in if my trusted vet is moving toward heroic interventions but I’m confident my vet would require our participation when such decisions are required. Otherwise, save the bad news until I’m a day or 2 away from home and might actually be able to do something? How do sitters feel about handling that situation?

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Same. I would trust our vet to inform a sitter when we need to be called. If it were say, an ear infection, routine. Sitter brings them in, vet treats, and off they go. Frankly I would still like to know, eg. Sitter text, ‘hey I brought Fido into the vet because ear was red and stinky. They treated and it’s on the mend now’. That’s fine. More than that I’m sure our vet would ask the sitter to contact us.

I do leave a note in case of emergency authorizing the sitter to follow vet recommendations, and I leave a dollar amount that we are comfortable paying for each pet.

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Me too. After the fact.

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Of course, I mean I would see the bill anyway so If know - it’s really best the sitter just text.

That all said, my heart goes out to OP. So sorry the sweet kitties are ill. Pancreatitis is very tricky but hopefully it can be managed until the owners get home. I’m sure they would be comforted to know you are are there and caring for them so well!

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I always worry a HO’s reaction and response when/if some health issue arises with their pet during their absence. I’ve had one situation in the last year where the HO maintained a blissful lack of awareness, in a state of complete denial, about how bad of condition their dog was in, where they refused to compassionately euthanise this dog and just kept him hanging on whilst he wasted away and could barely even walk, they just could not, would not let go, as they watched him suffering every day. They’re now doing the same thing with their other dog, just happily and freely travelling away for fun whilst their dog is in terrible emotional and physical discomfort, that is just so much to put those dogs through, and so much to place on a sitter. Hope all is okay with the kit now, or that they’re at least comfortable or in a better place!

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I’m OK with that and I like to talk about it well before the sit, especially if the pets are old or have some medical issues. For the most part, HOs are open about this and tell me that it gives them peace of mind knowing that I am able to anticipate potential problems but I have been declined a couple of times after raising similar issues on the video chat, just saying that I would like to know if they had emergency contacts who would be willing to help with a decision about a house or pet emergency in case they were not reachable and I could feel they were not comfortable with the conversation. When I was declined, I thought they preferred not to consider that possibility.

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I think that’s unfair on the sitter. Ultimately it’s your pet, your responsibility. I wouldn’t inform the pet owner of minor things like a weepy eye which I could bathe myself but once vet costs are incurred it’s your decision to make, not mine.

And don’t get me started on the absurdity of THS expecting sitters to pay vet bills upfront. We did once cough up £400 and driving 40 miles round trip for an emergency vet and were luckily reimbursed promptly. On that occasion the owners didn’t answer their phones on a bank holiday evening and the animal was bleeding so we had no choice…..

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I had an HO give me very specific instructions, should her beloved 22-year-old cat die. They started with “Double-bag the body and put it in the downstairs freezer.” I asked if she would want to be told while she was away. She did.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask about sickness and death in the case of a youngish and healthy animal. But having read this thread, from now on I’ll be asking HOs if they want to be informed, should their pet get sick - or die.

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Thank you for your kind words. :yellow_heart: @BonnyinBrighton and @WeRPAWsome
It´s been very challenging. Luckily, the communication with the hosts is good, and we know they are grateful. But still, the situation is very sad. We are taking one day at a time :mending_heart:

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I’ve read all your answers and I really think this is quite an important topic , don’t you think, @Jenny ?
As I mentioned before, I’ve been part of this community for 9 years, with 60+ sits, and this is the first time I’ve had to deal with something like this. Luckily, this kind of unfortanate incidents don’t happen often, but I do think it’s something that should be talked about between host and sitter before confirming a sit, especially if the pet is old or sick.
In my opinion, the most important thing here is open, honest communication from the very beginning. People will always have different views and comfort levels, and that’s fine, the key is that both host and sitter feel comfortable with whatever they agree on.
As a sitter, a few things that have made me feel safer around this topic are:

The vet is informed that the pets will be in the care of sitters.

The vet bills are charged directly to the owner’s account.

I have a contact phone number for someone the owners trust, especially if the owners are in a very different time zone.

Personally, I would never take an animal to the vet (unless it’s a clear life‑or‑death emergency) without first trying to contact the owners.

On the other hand, a red flag for me would be a host telling me they don’t want to be informed if anything happens to their pet. For me, the host–sitter relationship has to be based on honest, open communication. I wouldn’t be comfortable at all.

Anyway, I highly recommend having this conversation up front (before confirming the sit, I mean), no matter how uncomfortable it feels. And if, during that conversation, you already feel that you’re not on the same page, my completely unsolicited advice would be: don’t go ahead with the sit. Because most of the time nothing bad happens, but if it does, it’s going to be really unpleasant, better to be safe than sorry.

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How awful. Thankfully you noticed the issue, got the cat to the vet, and the cat is being taken care of.

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@MyrCar, first big hug as that sounds like a terrible experience for all concerned.

While we have not suffered a pet loss during housesit then we have, on two occasions, been advised by pet parents during handover that a pet may not survive the duration of housesit. Huh, quite the surprise at start of housesit. We had no actionable step other than gentle pet care during housesit and mercifully related pets survived.

One of those pet parents advised us - during initial handover - that it was not a big deal and to put any dead cat in a bag in the freezer so that they could bury it on their return. We make no judgement, rather mention here to illustrate high variance in human-pet relationship in different cultures. Communication is essential.

In your case, glad to hear that communication with pet parent seems open and transparent. And that vet bills are charged directly to pet parent (a topic that has been problematic on other Forum threads).

Suspect many on THS Forum will be thinking of you. Presumably inherent in this group is a joy for pets. Take care of yourself.

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Poor cat, poor you and poor hosts. Wishing the cat no suffering and a smooth recovery. Please keep us updated.

Can empathize with how hard it is, how quickly we can become attached as sitters.

I’ve been there, too, except with a sit dog who had catastrophic seizures and had to be put down. We had 11 great days together and I felt privileged to spend that time with her, a sweet, funny soul.

Her humans cut short their trip around the world and rushed home to say goodbye together. I was able to communicate with them quickly, fortunately.

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@DieFledermaus

I think it’s not just about sickness or death in a young, otherwise healthy pet — it’s really about the unexpected, full stop.

In our experience, things can and do crop up out of the blue… we’ve had young, healthy puppies get grass seeds in their eyes, paws caught on wire or glass needing stitches, that sort of thing. Nothing anyone plans for, but it happens.

For us, that’s why the conversation matters — not as a worst-case scenario discussion, but just a simple, practical “what would you like us to do if something unexpected comes up?” It gives everyone clarity and takes the guesswork out in the moment.

:paw_prints: :heart:

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You’re most welcome @MyrCar :hugs: — we’re just really glad our words helped a little. Pancreatitis is such a tough one for a little kitty, and it’s good to hear the communication with the HOs is strong and that they’re feeling your care.

Hang in there. It really is, just one day at a time :white_heart:

:paw_prints: :heart:

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Pancreatitis is scary and moves so fast. You did the right thing getting him to the vet immediately on Monday. Most sitters would have panicked, but 9 years of experience definitely shows here.

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Thank you for your kind words. Indeed, pancreatitis is very serious, and as a consequence, other organs can be affected too. We still have hopes but are also prepared for the worst.

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