I received a decline to a desirable sit. There was no explanation from the HO. Is it wrong to ask why?
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You will not get an answer. I also always want to know, but if the HO gives an answer, it is always a half lie, at least.
What I do is check later who they chose. Then I can try to do the math.
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I wouldnât say itâs wrong, but as an HO I would be uncomfortable if you asked. Keep in mind, HOâs can only choose one sitter, so being declined doesnât mean anything was wrong with your application or profile. Unless you have a lot of great reviews already youâll likely be passed over for highly desirable locations and sits. Also decline messages are sent automatically when an HO confirms with a different sitter. Some will include a message letting you know why, some will not.
Youâd probably do better to add your profile here and get guidance on making your profile the best it can be to give you the best chance of success.
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Hello 962travel,
Save your time and over thinking it, HOâs decline for any reason, because at the end of the day itâs their choice.
If I were listing in a desirable area (so no shortage of applicants) I would feel pressured to give a reason why, I would however send back with a short message thanking them for their application, however have gone with other sitters.
It is something you will get used to, however itâs the same for Owners when we decline sits, we have declined more sits that we have sat at we are over 85+ sits now.
In our early start to sitting, I had to remind myself âItâs just not meant to beâ sometimes you usually never know why, it just is.
Enjoy sitting and happy travels.
Amanda and family
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You can ask if youâd like but I wouldnât answer. I usually give a polite âwe found a sitter who was a great fit, thank you for your application and best of luck going forwardâ. I wouldnât offer more than that as sometimes decisions come down to a gut feel.
The only exceptions are if we get applications from sitters who we clearly states in our listing we donât want - for example, families. Then we decline right away and direct them back to our listing.
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Sometimes the PP does not feel the connection but sometimes they liked your application but thought another candidate was just a wee bit better for their needs. Or they spoke with them first and decided to book. I was once declined without an explanation and a few months later applied again and I got the sit.
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This is not necessarily true. I have been asked and I have answered honestly. In one case there wasnât an established history, in another there was a negative review and I didnât care for the sitterâs defensive and antagonistic reply and I told them as much.
Some people may have trouble with honesty, I sure donât.
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How do you know itâs a lie? You might have some idea of a HO lying to you on one specific occasion but I am afraid you canât generalize.
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^This. A common misconception often seen in forum posts and simply by people in general is that if something happened to them once or twice it happens to everyone, everywhere, all the time.
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Not too many HOs would be blunt and honest. If they respond, they may not want to hurt feelings. Or they donât want another response. Or a complaint about them to THS.
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Itâs human inclination in general, not just with sitting. Thatâs why thereâs the old joke about it being them, not you, when someone dumps you or declines to date you.
And if youâve done a lot of hiring career wise, you might have experienced back in the old days, when youâd reject candidates. Some would ask for feedback and then knee-jerk into defensiveness and actually argue about how qualified they were. Thatâs why companies stopped offering feedback. Enough people suck at accepting it.
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I asked a HO for the first time recently because we had a video meeting and they literally said âwell, weâll be happy to host youâ, offering us the sit. We discussed the next step being that they confirm us. Hours went by - no news - and then the next day we received an auto message saying âsorry you were not selected this timeâ with no personal message - which was SO bizarre as we had a good rapport on the video chat. They never even mentioned they were âmeetingâ with other sitters via video.
The answer I received from them was not very helpful. Iâm sure they were not totally honest. It was weird and disappointing but in the end we wound up booking a MUCH better sit for the same dates (and longer, which we wanted).
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Itâs not wrong, but ask yourself what youâre looking for from them. If itâs just because youâre having difficulty processing a feeling if rejection, few explanations are really going to feel satisfactory.
I can think of 2 valid cases for reaching out after being rejected for a sit:
- Youâre newer & would like feedback on your profile. This is somewhat valid but a bit of an ask of the host, to take time from their busy day to provide a critique. Better to ask for advice here on the forums.
- You like the listing & think youâd like to apply for future sit dates, but donât want to spend time doing applications if theyâve decided youâre unsuitable for them for some reason. Iâve had several of these, & have texted something to this effect: âThanks for considering me for your sit. Sorry it didnât work out this time, but I do hope everything goes well; Iâm sure youâll have a great experience! In the meantime â because I regularly travel to your area & believe we might be a great fit â I wondered if youâd welcome applications from me for future sits down the line. If not, no worries â I just donât want to take up one of your 5 application slots if you really just feel itâs not a good match for you and [PetNameHere].â
Iâd say my response rate to something like the second scenario is about 50%âŚand if I donât get a reply thatâs a response in itself, and I un-favorite the listing. (I do wish there was a way to mark these listings though, so I know which ones not to apply for again.)
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Itâs all about âships that pass in the nightâ to meâŚ.if I get declined I donât give it a momentâs thoughtâŚitâs to do with an infinite number of variables and so I donât even try to fathom it. I also decline multiple random offers to sit, in these cases I donât feel the need to explain if theyâre out of the blue. If however Iâve had a video chat and itâs not for us (Iâll know straight away)- Iâll make that clear at the end of the video âI donât think weâre a match but it was interesting to explore the possibilityâ or something similar and wish them well in finding a match.
Some of this stuff is down to self esteem (mine is high) and self worth (again high 
) also confidence and life experience of course.
I did have one occasion where a HO out of the blue messaged me to say they were pleased to inform me that theyâd chosen me as their sitter after looking at my calendar availability and my profile. I did take the time to explain how THS worked in my reply declining their âchoiceâ.
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I donât know it is a lie. But I know that I can not know if it is true. So the value of the answer is very low.
Thought that is anyway the case. Either it is a general reason - you are too much of a beginner / we chose someone who lives nearby. Or it is specific to the one host - we want someone who is x-years old or older/younger. There is nothing to do about it, or there is the things to do that are just naturally occurring (such as collecting more reviews).
I am sure there are some hosts who are honest - I would be. But asking for feedback to an application in THS is not really the standard. You are âbreakingâ unwritten rule by doing so. If the host is ok with breaking unwritten rules - great, they will tell you that youâre too fat/skinny to take care of their Mopsey. But if they are not, they will not give you a proper answer, because if you are willing to break this unwritten rule, it means you are more likely to also harass, backtalk, demand and over all pour your upsettness on them. Of course not everyone. That is kinda the communication here: I say âyou wont get an honest answerâ, but I donât mean âno-one never would tell you the honest reasonâ. I say âit is almost impossible to get or validate if answer is honest, because the general culture of THS is not to ask, not to tell, and to stay vague and politeâ. And as demonstrated above, there is not really a useful answer available if you get any or an honest answer.
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I like to ask why they chose me. Just today I went with my wife to a pre visit. The Home owner was a teacher and said I had loads of applications, â I bet!â , I interjected.
âWell I chose you as youâre a teacher and used to having plan Bâs and dealing with emergencies calmly!
Good to know. Sometimes I am rejected with âWe live on a steep hillâ
â OK well Iâm a walker and send my step count for the month..
Finally they come clean
â Itâs nothing personal, we need someone with a car to take the dog places to exercise!â
O k!!!
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I agree, asking for an explanation is not useful and may feel invasive to the HO.
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Can I ask how you âcheckâ which sitter they chose? Do you wait till the sit is over and see the review?
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Yes, that is what I meant. TBH I have never bothered to do it, even when I felt like doing it at the moment of rejection. Sometimes I have checked upon reapplying for a later date.
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Yes @Kiwilady66
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