How do you later who they chose? Sitter’s functionality on the site must be way different host’s.
As a sitter, I can look at the hosts profile, and see all their past sitters (as long as the review has been left or the review window has closed). I don’t remember where, on the app I think? So where I go to see “past sitters and reviews” I will see all sitters that they have had. As far as I understand, hosts can not see past hosts in case the host did not leave a review.
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Are you naive? The answer is simple- they have other choices and they think they are better than you
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A bit harsh but accurate nonetheless.
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Yes, a bit harsh and accurate but that may not be the only answer. Not sure why this poster needed to attack. I am a new member, trying to go through etiquette. It was a simple question about what others may have experienced. Thank you to all who contributed.
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I would also be tempted to ask @962travel
For one particular sitting I went checking @ChiaGrowth and I could see that the HO went mostly with couples, although she states in her profile that she’s open to solo sitters. Strange…
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I’ve noticed the Forums have seemed a lot less friendly in the new year. (I’ve been a bit fractious myself, truth be told.) I hoped it might just be hangovers, but it doesn’t seem to be dying back as yet.
Here’s hoping things settle down soon. I miss the camaraderie from my fellow pet-lovers, and god knows we could all do with a little more kindness these days.
I’ll personally try harder, too.
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I don’t know how it’s unfriendly, these days there are people on the internet sugarcoat things and there are people try to be internet police educating others to say universally acceptable statements like a saint. It’s ok to say someone who’s not pretty pretty(beautiful lie), but it’s not ok to say they’re not pretty(harsh truth, and not friendly). I’m sick and tired of thesehypocrisy
I’ve not generally found that being polite necessitates sainthood; it’s simple common courtesy. Most people don’t find it so difficult to achieve.
I’d also point out that your examples are opinions, despite you framing them as facts. No hypocrisy there; just rudeness and antisocial behaviour. As I suggested, they’re things we could do with a little less of these days.
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My profile says that I welcome couples and people of all genders, but 90% of my sitters have been single women. That is because 90% of my applicants are single women. My last sit got 9 applicants. One man and 8 solo women.
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I’m an owner & sitter so I can see your issue from both sides. The sitter me is always curious if I’m not selected but that’s a normal human response. I know the quality sitter experience I provide and am comfortable with that and just shrug & move on. Their loss, not mine. The owner in me would not like to be asked by a sitter why I decided on a certain sitter over them. There are a million reasons but ultimately my choice that I don’t have to explain. Don’t waste your energy on this, instead put your energy into the next application.
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This is precisely what I referred to on the other related thread about politeness, expectations and selfishness as it applies to general human nature.
If you’ll do something for me, I’ll do something for you. It’s not about being nice, or being polite, it’s about two people with a common goal, and they need each other to achieve it.
In this instance, a sitter wants to genuinely know why they were rejected. This host quoted above has nothing to gain by explaining, and even though it costs them nothing, they won’t provide the requested information which may put someone else at ease and maybe teach them something useful, yet this same host will make a big deal about thanking the sitter who they have confirmed with when the sit is over because it’s the nice, polite thing to do.
Hypocrisy is part of human nature too.
They’ve built a successful relationship with the successful sitter. They may want to encourage that sitter back. So thank’em!
With early interactions I don’t feel the Home Owner has made much of a connection so it doesn’t bother me so much if they aren’t responding as much as I would like. Some don’t read reviews - it’s clear from a question they ask!
When I applied a second time to the same sit ( because it was readvertised as available) I got a flat rebuttal. I’m very happy to walk away from that.. that’s a red flag to me. If you can’t mention in thd blurb sitter needs a vehicle or the dogs are strong and a bit of a handful so I’m after a couple .. give us a clue.
The Home Owners I most dislike are entitled time wasters with minimum feedback. It’s ok we aren’t a great fit I’m over the idea now, don’t worry about me!
Sitters often put themselves out in what they juggle too to achieve a fit in logistics and fulfilling Home Owner’s requirements. Those who are Home Owners and sitters tend to be the most understanding about this for obvious reasons. It’s a jigsaw. One size doesn’t fit all.
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I don’t think its wrong to ask why, per se. But you may not get a satisfactory answer. Before asking its worth considering that if there were 5 applicants you had only a 20% chance of being chosen anyway. And if you are a new sitter competing against more experienced sitters the odds are even lower. Then you factor in what type of sitter they are looking for- male/female/couple/Single, older or younger, maybe they consider nationality or where you would be travelling from, maybe they see something in a particular sitters profile or application letter that resonates with them..etc etc. There are any number of reasons that you will not get the sit. Don’t take it personally. We have done over 130 sits and still get declined for some. We are not everyones cup of tea however experienced we are! Ultimately the goal is to find the right match and you may not quite fit the bill…this time! Just keep on applying elsewhere.
Another thing to note is that once a host confirms a sitter all the other applicants will get an auto decline from THS. Not all hosts are aware of this. But if they are aware, and if they are polite, they will send the other applicants a little personal note. The note may only say something like “thanks for applying but we have chosen someone else” Chances are they will not explain further. The HO may have actually liked your profile but someone else just ticked more boxes. So perhaps you’d find it more helpful to just accept you were just ‘not chosen’ this time rather than feeling personally ‘rejected’. The host can, after all, only choose one applicant so by definition all the others are rejected/not chosen. If a host does not have the courtesy to send a polite note I personally would not apply again anyway.
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I think hosts will have preferences, but they also don’t want to discourage anyone who is “ok” from applying. Because they might one day have shortage of preferred sitters.
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It will cost effort. It is irritating to have the question lingering, to have to consider the options:
- not answering, and it lingers without end
- answering politely or diplomatically, maybe with a white lie
- answering with directness or rudely with irritation
- teaching them something useful on how to write
- responding without any new information (“we chose someone else”)
Any of these options risks leading to further exchanges. Unfortunately, the new message system still does not seem to have the option of blocking someone. That is what I could do on Couchsurfing when a surfer kept asking.
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Ooh, blocking would be great. I don’t even want to block people - I want the hosts who will anyway never choose me to block me so that I don’t apply for their sits for no use!
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Replying is always optional.
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I think it is natural to want to know why, but like others have said, asking may not provide any helpful information. While it is possible there may be things specific to the sitter that led to a decline, often times I don’ think it is an outright rejection of a particular person. Lack of experience may be one specific but again, that really isn’t about the person themselves.
Hosts can only choose one person and whoever it is is the better fit for them personally, but not necessarily a ‘better’ person overall than those who didn’t get chosen.
Over the last several months, we have had a few declines where we were given a reason and it had absolutely nothing to do with us.
- Previous sitter expressed interest in doing the sit so they decided to just go with them…totally understandable. The host sent a very nice message about it and actually invited us to do another sit but we weren’t available.
- Chosen applicant wanted to visit the area because it was the favorite vacation spot of her recently deceased father….host said it ‘pulled on her heartstrings’ and chose her. I get it.
- Wanted a solo female sitter …thought she had updated her listing to reflect this preference but realized she had not.
In all these instances, hosts could have simply declined without offering any explanation and we would never know. And without said information, it would have been all too easy to assume it was personal in some way, that there was something they didn’t like about us.
And of course there could be instances where a host may decline a sitter because there is something about them that rubs them the wrong way, they have some sort of specific reservation about choosing them,etc… You have a big mix of people here on both sides of the exchange and not everyone will feel resonant with each other. The good thing is there are lots of sits here and no need to dwell too much on the ones that don’t pan out.
I know it can sting a bit and without knowing, the mind will automatically go to that place of assuming it was personal in some way. Reminding yourself that you actually have no idea why can be helpful to rein in the assumptions.
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Some people may have trouble with honesty, I sure don’t.
HUH !?!