If one think it is strange not to be offered food - hasn’t one then assumed a meal would be given? And if it is considered “very rude” not to offer a meal - again - hasn’t one assumed that?
If one hasn’t expected/made that assumption, how is it very rude?
I have only been offered dinner twice. But it has been mentioned before arrival. I have arrived night before, and it was around 7 pm, no dinner mentioned, so I did get something at a restaurant before I showed up. I had to travel 150 miles to the sit, so that is what I did. It was my first sit for a review. Hence, why I did it. I do not expect a glass of wine. The sit I am on has a welcome package of snacks. First time, though now I think there was another, I just assumed it was their snacks and it didn’t touch it. What I am curious about, if there was so much food, did they say to eat the leftovers, when they left? Because usually HOs mention, eat the perishables. Since they will go bad.
We require our HS to arrive at least a full day before and always offer food, help with a grocery run, etc.
But I don’t think I’d assume a host would offer this. I always think it’s best to assume nothing. People are different and some just aren’t that hospitable.
I can usually tell if a host is going to be warm and empathetic when I’m vetting a sit. Regardless, I probably would have just mentioned that we will drop off bags then turn around and head out for groceries or have clarified and asked if they wanted to eat dinner together that first night to get to know each other.
Assume nothing and just ask explicitly. It makes for a lot less discomfort across the board with housesitting, I’ve found.
I think you’re missing the point of my post. It was the way they did it and how they approached the situation. You had to be there to feel the awkwardness as it’s hard to explain that feeling but you can expectations for anything like any human being does with interactions, and it’s not the end of the world, but it’s quite nice to see that majority of people agree it was a bit of a strange circumstance, especially that they had their meal in front of us and poured them selves a glass of wine and didnt really seem to make conversation whilst we all had our respective dinners. Thats what i think you’re missing or not understanding. It was the way they handled it that was a bit strange.
One can never assume for sure. And they have every right to do what they did and it’s not a knock on them as people or anything. It was just the feeling we got when they started eating their huge dinners and poured themselves a wine whilst we just ate our baked beans 
I guess it’s hard to know that feeling from just reading this post but I do understand what you mean.
I didn’t miss it and i can understand that it could be awkward. I think that the awkwardness wouldn’t emerged if one assumed that one should hit the stores and get some groceries to make dinner.
Personally I would probably offered dinner if I had required a sitter to show up a day before. But I wouldn’t assumed it as a sitter if it was not agreed before sit. If the host had offered I might well have declined and eaten out, that is another story.
I think the situation is a good example of how we run into things because we hadn’t talked about an issue pre-sit. for instance - if a host required the sitter to come the day before, and one asked the hosts thoughts on meals, then the host could say the would invite for a meal - and one could accept or decline (as many sitters would prefer not to eat with the host, but perhaps go out) and if the host said they assumed separate meals - one could accept or one could also think that the sit wasn’t a good match because the host wasn’t hospitable enough and withdraw application.
This strikes me as being more about plain courtesy than the sitter/HO relationship. I absolutely could not sit down and eat a large meal knowing there were people in the house who hadn’t eaten. Even if they had, I’d ask if they’d like to join me. Nor could I open a bottle of wine without offering them some.
Your HOs may be ideal from now on, but I find that initial behaviour downright bizarre. In your shoes I’d feel very awkward indeed - not to mention hungry. What a weird situation!
I understand what you mean and it’s valid. The way you’re explaining how it should go sounds very transactional to me and with all of our house sits we have had, it’s never felt like a transaction or anything like that. Was just a very different situation to our 24 house sits and from what I’ve read and told by others is that it’s a human interaction and that it shouldn’t feel like a job as we are looking after your pets and we are looking after your home , and you are giving us a place to stay. A very human interaction that we didn’t really get in this house sit is all.
I agree. I could not imagine having a glass of wine and a big dinner without even offering anything whilst the house sitters stand there. People can have their opinions, and my opinion is that was a bit strange
I agree with this completely, having been in a similar situation myself.
I arrived at a sit (one of my first) the night before and the HO made dinner for herself without offering anything to me. I proceeded to make my own and ate on my own too. This HO was generally inhospitable and even left the following day without letting me know or saying goodbye to the dog (considering it was a 3-month sit, I found that especially odd). The whole experience was quite cold and very odd considering she was a house sitter herself (leaving her dog to look after other people’s). She also didn’t bother leaving me a review, nor thanking me for the gift hamper I left, all of which were strange considering she must be aware of how she herself likes to be treated as a sitter.
Evidently, it takes all sorts, and house sitting is definitely an eye opener in this regard! I have been taken out for a lovely meal by home owners in the past and my most recent sit, they invited me to a family dinner the night before (oddly, I ended up making most of it while they were busy packing). As @kimshady suggested, I have found the initial behaviour of the HO to be indicative of their general perception of sitters and whether they consider them a guest/ an equal, or the ‘help’.
That’s exactly it! And wow your experience sounds much stranger than ours. I guess everyone’s different and I hold onto the point that out of 24 house sits, this has been the only one when we felt a bit odd and that we were indeed the “help”. Very good way of putting it
Welcome to the Forum!
Your sit got off to an unhospitable start. Why would the HOs ask you to arrive at 4:30 p.m. / 5 p.m.—only for you to sit around for 90 minutes while one worked and the other was at work? Your having to resort to eating baked beans on toast is sad while they enjoyed a roast dinner with wine. Eating in front of you (without offering you any) is lacking in manners and common courtesy.
I am not a dinner person, but I am a breakfast and lunch person. I had a sit whereby the HO wanted me to be at her home at 5:30 a.m. It was a 2-hour drive and when I arrived to her home, she had made herself a bagel, bacon, eggs. She did not offer me any --while my stomach was growling.
But on another sit when I had an early morning arrival, the hosts had made breakfast for me—which was greatly appreciated.
While I do not expect to have meals prepared for me, I do find that it is basic manners to at least offer sitters at least a drink of water, particularly after driving for several hours.
Ultimately, it left me with a bad impression and that impression was confirmed in subsequent dealings with the HO.
To not consider you might be hungry and to eat in front of you, especially when you had accommodated them by arriving early…just plain rude and lacking in warmth and humanity. I hope you receive a banquet at your next sit!
For the vast majority of our sits (we sit for dogs) we have been asked to come the evening prior to meet the dogs and possibly go for a walk together. In every one of those visits we have never needed to ask about meal plans as every host has extended an invite to dine with them and enquired of any food allergies or dislikes. And many a glass of wine has been drunk while sharing life stories! If we have stayed an extra night due to late returns we have then reciprocated by making a meal for everyone.
We like to sit as much for these human interactions as the pet ones and we have made many great friends over the last few years.
I simply can’t imagine sitting at the same table as HOs eating beans on toast #awkward. We would probably have excused ourselves and gone to the pub.
@TheTinnedTomatoes I do hope you rate them appropriately for hospitality in your review as I would certainly wish to know that this was a sit we would not be a good fit for.
In about 40 or 50 sits arriving the afternoon before all but 1 of the HOs have either made dinner or or taken me out. One sit, the HO picked me up from the airport bus (about a 90 minute trip), told me that she had a big meal that afternoon, and asked if I wanted to stop somewhere to pick up my dinner. She did say that there were eggs and vegetables in the house if I wanted to cook dinner. Not the usual situation, but not a big deal for me. Especially since she paid me back $50+ for the airport bus (I didn’t ask for that). And left me a basket of treats.
The sit was 5-star all the way, had use of the car, a very comfortable mattress and sheets, told I could use pantry groceries, and the animals were delightful.
I bet they had leftovers too. Thats where the Hospitality star pick is. Dock for Hospitality.
Completely ! We have always given 5 stars for every sit, as we hadn’t had any bad experiences but this has been our first strange encounter and was wondering if we should give 4 for hospitality and if they do ask us why, we are happy to say. Not a dig at them or anything, just maybe they are new to it that’s just how they are which is fine, but the thing i love about THS is that both the sitter and homeowner can review accordingly to their own judgments and opinions
Exactly! Completely agree
I’ve never asked about whether the hosts will be sharing a meal with me. When I ask what time they’d ideally like for me to arrive, they automatically volunteer that we’ll be eating together if there’s an overlap. And that’s if they’ve not already voluntarily brought it up.
I’m happy to share a meal, but also am fine fending for myself. If I weren’t, that would be something I’d ask about ahead of time. Of course, that begs the question, is someone actually being hospitable if they offer a meal because they were asked vs. offering it voluntarily.
Everyone is different. As a HO, I would never dream of asking the sitter to come the day before and not offer them food and/or drink. When we do our video call, we always let the sitter know we want to take them out to dinner so they know what to expect when arriving at our home. We want to get to know our sitters as we are very interested learning about their lives. We like meeting new people. They are after all taking care of our dog and our home. It’s the very least we can do to make them comfortable and enjoy their stay.