I’m in my third year on THS. I’ve just renewed after a short break and I’ve experienced something new and surprisingly discourteous: I’ve applied for several sits and some of the home/pet owners will simply decline the application without replying. I feel that I spend the time writing a personalized message when I apply and the least people can do is reply, even with a short “Thanks, but we’re looking for A, not B.” Or whatever. I think that refusing to reply at all is quite rude. Can we all just be considerate of one another? To me, that is the overarching spirit of this whole culture and community.
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Hi Debra,
Welcome back to THS. I agree completely with your post.
It is disheartening and downright rude to decline without response or not to respond at all, especially when the sitter has put time and effort into writing an application tailor-made to that particular sit. Apparently a little consideration is too much to ask. I have experienced non-responses several times this year, even for sits for which no one else applied, to the extent I wonder if this issue is getting worse.
I would suggest trying to approach the whole process with a little detachment, if possible. My attitude now is ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be’. In addition, I don’t hang around if the HO hasn’t responded within a week (which is generous), and will withdraw my application.
I spoke to a HO at my last sit who was mortified that, having selected a sitter, it automatically sent a ‘decline’ e-mail to others who had applied. She kindly went back and sent each of the other applicants personalised messages thanking them for their applications. It suggested to me that perhaps other HOs are unaware that selecting a sitter means declining others. Still, there is no need for a lack of response.
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I have also found this to be a case a few times especially when I first started. It was very disheartening because I spent a lot of time personalizing my application to my specific qualifications for the sit and to their animals/area. I would have appreciated at least a thank you for applying for the sit and that they were considering applications or they were looking for specific qualifications that I didn’t have or just some comment just acknowledging my time and effort put in. Plus if their plans didn’t work out they would always be able to reach out to me again to see if I was still available. They cut off the possibility of making a contact for a future sit. I’ve even had the case where I’ve sent people messages through the site and then they just never responded even after it said that it’s been read. I’ve also asked for feedback on what could have made my profile stand out or made me a better candidate for future reference. Some have been open to answering but some just seem to disregard. I think I find this to be true with how sits that seem to be desirable and they probably don’t have any problems finding applicants so they don’t really care about the sitter or their needs because they know that their needs will be met one way or another.
Hi @DebraAT
I think it’s systematic with many HO’s now. Some new HO’s don’t realise that once they accept a sitter an automated declined message gets sent to the other 4/5 applicants. But yes it’s not hard to write a short message to the unsuccessful 4/5 other applicants.
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I choose to see it as part of my own vetting. I’m looking for a host that answers in a timely matter, as that is important to me during a sit (have had hosts that don’t answer during sit) and one could add - a host that is considerate to the mutuality of a sit. It is ok for me to be declined, and I prefer sooner rather than later if they don’t consider me right for the sit. For me a personal message in addition isn’t needed, but I understand where you are coming from.
I don’t want a sit where things like that is not present. Do you want a sit with a host you regard as rude and inconsiderate? (If yes - why). I don’t wait around. If they haven’t answered within 48 hours or so, I withdraw my application with a short message. «As I haven’t heard from you, I withdraw my application».
This mindset gives me power(instead of a victim of the whims of a stranger online). I choose who I want to sit for, and sometimes someone I have applied to fails to meet my criteria. 
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It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
I don’t need a polite personal message.
As long as I know that’s all that matters.
The THS automated message does the job.
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I totally agree with Garfield - I usually just wait 72 hours and then withdraw from the sit and I don’t even send a message as to why I’m withdrawing. I did have it happen once though where the homeowner responded they were sorry I withdrew and apologized for not responding in a timely manner as they had a family emergency. So one never knows what is going on in a person’s life. Most of the sits I’ve done though are with homeowners who responded within 24 hours and basically my kind of people! As others have said, it doesn’t take much to write a short note to thank a sitter for applying.
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Welcome back @DebraAT. You are very much not alone in experiencing this. In fact, it would probably be the most raised issue by sitters on this forum. Just use the spyglass and you will find many threads on this. With the huge growth in membership, many members have little idea how it all works and sadly, courtesy can lack on both sides. Just move on as there are many other owners who show respect and courtesy towards their applicants and they are the ones you want to sit for.
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I’ve experienced that as well and have noticed “application has been read” yet no response. I spend time and love constructing a positive message and it’s extremely rude not to reply. Lately, I’ve decided to withdraw a few when I haven’t heard back after 2 days, yet I always send a polite note stating why. I’ve even noticed this with so called experienced HO’s with several positive reviews. It definitely takes away from the spirit of what this community is about.
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It has happened to me the last 3 sits I’ve applied for and one of them I waited 2 weeks to hear back from. It’s just not very considerate and I like some of you view it as “it wasn’t meant to be”. I do get the feeling from some homeowners that they are doing me a favor, but I thought we were all in this as a team? Helping eachother? I am going to follow the lead of some of you and if I don’t hear anthing in 72 hours (especially after you’ve already read my application), I will withdraw.
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You’re fortunate. I imagine that most people would hope for an acknowledgement of some kind in response to a kind and well-considered application. I maintain that a lack of response is rude.
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I agree with @strawberryjen and feel that an auto decline without a message is discourteous. I simply make a mental note not to apply for any other sits listed by that particular host and consider we’ve dodged a bullet.
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I understand that you and other consider it rude but that’s just your feelings not a fact because not everyone considers it rude.
A bit like a joke some people find funny others find it rude or offensive.
We get to decide how to respond to something and I choose to respond to the positive. I’ve had a response, THS automated message, I know I’ve been declined for the sit. The HO has made a decision, all good.
Also how many times do we read on here people asking for advice on how to communicate with the HO or sitter. Its a really common thing on here. People clearly do not always have the communication skills/confidence to do so. If the HO is in that situation and takes the easy option of the automated message should we not accept that with a bit of grace and compassion rather than simply labelling someone rude ?
A bit of kindness cost nothing.
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I don’t recall stating it was a fact. If we had to state that every time we posted something on here, it would become laborious. We are representing our own opinion, no one else’s. I would have thought that went without saying.
You are, for some reason, implying that I am being rude/ unkind by suggesting applying for a sit and not getting a response is rude. I am responding to the original poster, trying to have compassion for their experience and agreeing that being declined without a reply/ not receiving a response is indeed not ideal. I’m not sure why I am on the receiving end of these unnecessary responses. I agree, a bit of kindness costs nothing.
We’ve just posted our first sit and accepted a sitter. Once we had confirmed the sit a box popped up saying would we like to leave a message to go with the other applicants declined notification. I did this, thanking them for applying and saying I hoped they would consider us in the future but when I look at my inbox, they all just have a declined note and I can’t see my message. Does that mean it wasn’t sent??? I’d hate for the other applicants to think I was rude. I was so grateful for their interest and would love for them to apply again in the future. They all sounded lovely.
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I was simply responding to your reply to me that I was fortunate and expanding on my viewpoint.
As I wrote earlier we get to choose our own responses. You have chose to believe that I have implied something about you. I haven’t. I’ve made a general comment about how i feel labelling someone as rude is in my opinion not necessary when we have no idea of their thought process. @strawberryjen
Fair enough. It would certainly be nice to be able to choose our own responses and always opt for the positive!
However, I think it is likely the common perspective (as is evidenced by this thread alone), that it is discourteous not to respond to someone when they have taken the time and effort to submit a well-considered application for a sit and are offering to look after their home and pets. To receive radio silence in response can be disheartening. I also believe it is a fair enough assumption to make that the person is simply rude in the absence of any information to the contrary. When a sit is automatically declined, I understand the HO may not be aware that this is the process when they accept someone else (as I mentioned in my first post). However, not to receive a brief response in acknowledgement of an application…I’m not sure I can always pin that down to a lack of appropriate communication skills, especially when they have posted an ad on this site and are therefore surely expecting people to apply.
Have a read through the thread
‘How To Pick’ which later turns into a discussion on How To Decline
It’s on the HO thread, its not the first that I’ve read asking for communication advice for various different reasons like
How do I tell HO i’ve broke something / need to leave early / the dogs died.
Some people need help and support to find the right words and that’s what the automated message is. Sure some people just can’t be bothered and some just don’t think for one minute that’s its rude because that’s how the system has been designed.
That’s why I’m saying you get to choose how to respond. You can just decide its just rude or you can decide to accept that you actually have no idea on why the person has choosen the automated reply.
In the end you are left with the negative feeling if you choose the rude option everytime. @strawberryjen
There is a difference though. The people on that thread genuinely want to communicate and are trying to find the most appropriate way to do so.
I have applied to 5-6 sits this year alone where my application was met with radio silence. I was the only applicant for several of these, eventually withdrawing after a week or so if the application was read and not responded to. I’m not suggesting all these people are rude and understand that everyone’s situation is different and there are extenuating circumstances that we are completely unaware of if we’re not informed. However, it can become cumbersome to apply for sit after sit and receive no response. This is just an element of house sitting we, as sitters, have to get used to and try not to take personally. And yes, as you say, ideally view it in a more positive light that we don’t know the reasoning behind the lack of response and recognise that ultimately, this sit wasn’t the one for us.
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Thankyou for the discussion it really helps to see other people’s point of view and be able to discuss them in a forum like this.
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