I'm a bit scared :(

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Hi community, I’d really appreciate your advice. I’m currently house-sitting for a lady who has two cats. She mentioned that her neighbor usually takes care of the cats but decided to use someone from the app this time since she’s going away for a longer period.

Every time I see the neighbor, she has a distant look, her hair is unkempt, and she is always in her pajamas, which made me unsure if I could fully trust her. Yesterday, while I was inside the apartment (which doesn’t have curtains on the first floor), I noticed her peeking into the apartment. When she saw that I caught her, she quickly ran back to her place. I went outside to ask if she needed anything, but she had already gone inside her apartment.

Later that day, I accidentally burned some food, and the fire alarm went off. I used the emergency contact number the owner provided, which turned out to be the neighbor’s. She came over to help me turn off the alarm and even entered the apartment to assist. She suggested going to the second floor to check if the smoke had spread, but in the end, she didn’t go upstairs.

After thanking her, I asked her about the earlier incident when she was peeking into the house. She explained that she was scared of strangers in the apartment complex and claimed she was checking to see if the mailman was inside, which didn’t make much sense to me. I’ve been alone in the house most of the time, except for occasional visits from my sister (which I had cleared with the owner).

When I reported the incident to the owner, her response made me think she was already aware of the neighbor’s behavior. She simply said, “It’s ok to have your sister there some of the time.” But I was by myself when the incident happened.

For context, I’m an anxious person and am house-sitting in a new city, so this situation has left me feeling uneasy. I even had nightmares last night about someone breaking in :smiling_face_with_tear:. I’d feel much safer if the owner had let me know that the neighbor might be checking on me, but the fact that she lied about why she was peeking and ran away makes it all feel unsettling.

Is this kind of situation normal when house-sitting? Are there any policies or boundaries I should be aware of in cases like this? Thank you so much for reading and for any advice you can share!

2

Firstly, I would assure you that you are not being paranoid or excessively sensitive. This sounds a bit of creepy. But to assure you, it also seems relatively harmless. I have had a house owner have a neighbor knock on the door to check that things are ok. Perhaps the neighbor is just a bit socially inept and feels over involved in the security of your homeowner.

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3

Every neighbourhood has a character and the character for this one happens to live next door to you.
She is acting as an over anxious socially exempt person would, interested but not sure how to approach a stranger. It must have been scary to look up to see someone peeking in the window and her excuse sounded like something that was made up on the spur of the moment. Maybe try to engage her in polite conversation if you see her out and about to reassure her. She may find you, as a stranger, scary as well.

PS. I’m known to wander about my home and garden in my pyjamas as well. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered getting dressed if it’s an at home day.

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4

Sounds just like a nosy neighbor who maybe thinks they’re “helping” your host. There aren’t policies against such.

Given that you’re so stressed about her behavior, maybe let her and your host know that her peeping gave you nightmares. They probably think her behavior is harmless, but she might change course if she knows she triggers you.

Nosy or over protective neighbors happen occasionally and I just take them in stride. Like on one sit, a neighbor ran over and told me that the hosts would want their outdoor sofa covered from rain just as it started sprinkling. They’d just left and had forgotten to tell me that, but apparently he was watching on their behalf, looking into the backyard from his upstairs, over the fence. I figured he was well intentioned and just thanked him and covered the sofa. No biggie.

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5

Although I can see why it could be unsettling, not having a blow-out and using loungewear around your home is quite normal many places. Especially homebodies will more often use what is comfortable.

She might not have much of a social life and maybe feel some responsibility for her neighbor and would like to be helpful. As you mention she is the emergency contact of your host and has the trust of someone who knows her.

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6

Hi @karina.es

Sorry to hear you’re feeling unsettled by the experience - even when things run smoothly on a sit the first couple of days can feel a bit overwhelming until you get into the swing of things.

For what it’s worth, your new neighbour sounds as uncertain about you as you are about her. Maybe just try to have a bit of a chat with her when you see her next - you’ve got the cat care as a good starting point for a conversation - and hopefully you’ll both benefit from doing so.

It’s also reassuring in a way that she seems to be looking out for you, or the cats. I expect that I would do the same, consciously or otherwise, if a neighbour were away and I knew that there was someone else taking care of their pets. Presumably she’s known, and trusted, by the home owner for her to be listed as the emergency contact, so you can be reassured by that too.

Good luck, and let us know how things go!

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7

Why are you assuming anyone lied?

Sounds like this is an unusual but harmless and trusted neighbor with quirks. And maybe this is an opportunity to ask yourself why someone who doesn’t doll up to go outside in their own home area makes you think they are untrustworthy.

I hope the rest of the sit goes smoothly.

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8

I don’t think know that the homeowner is lying to you. It sounds more like the neighbor may have been told to keep an eye on things or just thinks that is her job, and is also an emergency contact because she is a neighbor and has sometimes done drop ins when the homeowner’s away. The homeowner may not be able to control the neighbor’s looking into your apartment, and from the neighbor’s point of view, she may just have been passing by and thought she saw something and “keeping an eye on things” is something she thinks of as her job so she was looking. That’s not necessariy something the homeowner is in control of or asked her to do.

You can have a discussion with the homeowner where you simply ask, “I see ______ is your emergency contact. She was helpful when the smoke alarm went off. But I felt a little weird when I saw her looking in, could you tell me how you see her role in this?” This might alleviate some of your anxiety about what is happening.

But also stuff like what to do when a smoke alarm goes off, shoud be something you can discuss with the homeowner and shouldn’t need to contact an emergency contact about. (I say this as someone who has been on sits, been cooking, and had the smoke alarm go off.) Some smoke alarms are sensitive. They usually stop beeping when the smoke has diminished or if you press the reset button in the center which you can usually reach with a broom handle. The homeowner may have some good advice about how to avoid the alarm going off eg exhaust fan on, low flame if frying, window open (within screen) etc.

There is a no third parties rule, so the neighbor should not be coming in to check on you or visiting the cat, etc. But it doesn’t sound like that rule is being violated.

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9

All neighbours are different, some owners can totally explain how relaxed they are about having a kind stranger looking after their pets to their negihbours, but some neighbours just don’t ‘get it’ and are cautious and skeptical.

As for the PJ’s and unkempt hair… if ever there was a time of year when that was totally normal, it’s Christmas and New Year time. So I wouldn’t think that was abnormal at all over the holiday period.

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Hi @karina.es, welcome to the forum.

As others have said, I would not worry about the neighbour, I see no reason to be scared. I understand you feel uncomfortable and her attitude doesn’t seem very socially tactful but nothing to be afraid of.

If you are going to be there for a longish time, perhaps you could try to either “make friends” with her so that you both are more relaxed with each other or let her know (directly or through the owner) that you value your privacy and don’t need her supervision.

Try to relax and enjoy the rest of your sit.

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It sounds like the fire alarm incident was a timely icebreaker. Not to give her an out, but what I thought first when I read your post was that the neighbor’s behavior may be dementia related.

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12

This made me giggle because I live across from a very popular Air B’n’B that on average has more than 52 guests a year. That smoke alarm sings occasionally and is so loud I can hear it across the street in my cottage.
I laugh when I hear it because I think, “Your food is giving you a round of applause :rofl: now quick, where’s the broom live?” :joy:

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