Manners When Rejecting!

Yes, you have to brush it off - just thought I’d share with OP and highlight others agree.


“This is not a site for feelings.” … Not sure that’s entirely true, given you wouldn’t leave someone a good review if they were rude. The way we treat one another matters in every aspect of life.


@TravelMan I disagree that this is not a site for feelings. We are all human beings with feelings and this exchange is not a cold business transaction (or should not be!) It is a very personal exchange involving love, care, responsibility and mutual respect.
So when a sitter spends time & effort crafting an enthusuastic application only to receive a cold decline it doesn’t feel nice. Its disrespectful. Unfortunately many hosts don’t realise that when they confirm a sitter all the others immediately get an auto decline from THS. Some hosts pre-empt this with a personal decline msg in advance, some write one later (after we’ve already had a rant about them!) And some don’t bother at all- those are the ones I really dislike.

Since the host can only receive 5 applications at a time they must decline a few if they want more applications and therefore a quick note to each when declining would be appropriate.

We frequently receive invitations to sit- some with a personalised message showing genuine interest, others with a generic message to many and others attach no msg. We respond to each and every one- writing more-or less- depending on how personal the invite was. None of this takes much time and it is just polite & respectful. Sometimes hosts thank us for replying but most do not respond further. The good communicators with nice listings are ones we might favourite for later.

If we were hosts we would treat sitters with this same level of respect and courtesy.
So ultimately its just important to find others with matching values.


You don’t have to do that. The system is reasonably stable now. You can see if your application has been read.

Some sitters get annoyed by irresponsive HOs and cancel their application when days go by without a response. I don’t do that, I cancel only when I take another sit for overlapping days. Or sometimes the application disappears from my dashboard when it expires on the first day of the dates.


When we get those non-personalized invites to sit, I respond with, “Did you send this by mistake? There is no information attached.” That gets a proper response 99% of the time. :blush:


I’m quite positive a “blanket” email can be sent to all the applicants at once so wouldn’t take a lot of time to compose one email.

If I receive anything without a message I would mark it with a Lable for future reference. Unfortunately the Labels are being phased out

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HO says to me when offering me a sit that they didn’t need to reply to the others as they get an immediate notification when they offer the sit, so maybe this is it. Some people see it as part of the system of how THS is set up and don’t feel the need to give personal responses. It’s not what I would do but I don’t think it’s deliberately rude or dismissive.

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I won’t thread anyone particular into this response as some of the members seem to agree and some seem to disagree that this site is not for feelings. It is not my intention to seem reactive to one person in particular as I value everyone that took the time to write back.

But I stand by my thoughts that this site is not for feelings. Thick skin is an asset to have in life, this site is no exception. Essentially this is a sales platform. We have two parties, and the payment system is based on barter. It is transactional. Both parties need to make the transaction work and to make this site remain in business.

While I do agree that a simple response is helpful, respectful, can be quick…not everyone is great at communicating and that is not unique to THS!

99% of the HO that offend sitters by NOT responding are not meaning to offend. Life is more simple if you just move on. You have no idea what someone is going through at the other side of the screen so just do yourself a favor, give the HO the benefit of the doubt and find the next one. Sitters seem to have the upper edge if the statistics indicate this site has more HO than sitters. Turn that to your advantage, don’t spend your time being hurt.

Now, if a HO takes the time to be disrespectful to you, mention something distasteful about your profile (such as your looks, as one example), you have a right to be offended. But even then, I would argue to just move on anyway. I am single man…if I got offended by every woman that told me no, didn’t respond or made a distasteful comment, I wouldn’t leave my house!!! I have slept in my own bed less than 50% of the time so far this year so clearly, I don’t let that get me down. This site is essentially the same frame of mind I have with dating. And life for that matter.

To those that feel they are deserved a response when being rejected, that is simply not true. But, to your point I would rather get even a simple, “No Thanks” versus a non-response. That way I can at least delete the message thread in my inbox. But just take a non-response as a rejection after whatever time you deem necessary. One person in this thread said they just keep the option open until they book a sit. Adopt that policy.

For the record, I do take the time to reject HO that message me and I do let them know why. I am not sure the why matters most of the time, we are hard wired to be friendly and the fact I took the time to respond to a HO is a sign of respect. Some are very thankful for the response which I appreciate, MOST don’t respond back and only ONE was offended.

To that man that was offended, to his credit, I told him I am not sleeping on a couch for 2 weeks and that if he wanted a sitter, he needed to provide at least the most basic accommodations possible and take pictures of a clean home, not with a sink full of dirty dishes and a trash can in the bathroom overflowing. He didn’t like my constructive advice, took it personally and went off. I just deleted it…

Sometimes, you are also being spared a bad experience by HO not responding to you. Just take that approach!

I have had wonderful experiences on this site and I even have made friends that I have seen multiple times without dog sitting! One HO became a travel friend, two became mountain bike friends and another is a great man to have a glass of wine with. I spend my time being thankful for the good, not hurt by the mediocre.

I won’t be making additional comments on this subject, but to wrap this up on my end, this isn’t a site to get your feelings hurt over due to non-responses or curt responses. If you get one of those, just move on!!! NO is the second best answer you can get as the HO saved you time! This site has a lot of great people on it, just find one of those great people and forget about the non-great people. Simple as that!

Be healthy and stay safe!!!


NOOOOOO that is the only way I can keep this nightmare of an inbox straight!!!


Eh, I’d argue that the “currency” of such a system is kindness, generosity, and mutual respect. Such things are in short supply these days, and it seems worthwhile to try and put more of them out into the world.


That’s funny you say that as I can only recall one rejection from a couple in London that hit me as odd. They were screenwriters and had a lovely mid-century modern decorated apartment.

In my application, of course I spoke of their cat first and my love of caring for them, but I also told them that I love Mid-Century Modern design and that I own a 1951 Mid-Century home.

In their rejection they said that they had found a sitter that better fit their needs. I’ve wondered ever since, what that meant as I had addressed everything they said they wanted in a sitter. :crazy_face:

As a HO too, I always acknowledge applicants, let them know my process, and write as soon as I’ve made a decision. It’s the polite thing to do.


And still you were displeased!

What? I think you wanted to respond to someone else. I’m not displeased with TH either as a petsitter or a HO.

You write that you have “wondered ever since” over a decline message. You seem to feel that the HOs took the wrong decision.

So they maybe should not have bothered. Let the system message be sufficient.

It’s not like I lost any sleep over it; I just noticed it as unusual for what I posted, and someone had just commented on the thread that British people are less comfortable responding. That was where the sit was located so it reminded me.

It was a good reminder to me to make sure that I do give people a kind, sincere response when they take the time to apply for a sit at my home.

Take Care,


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@ShulasMom Did you check up on the sitter they confirmed once the sit was over??

You are correct to vent. As a pet owner, I am very communicative with all my applicants and inform them why I am choosing to decline their interest. It is not personal…it has to do with animals getting along better with females vs males- why make life difficult for either of them right? Also if someone has real experience dealing with my kind of pet, I would certainly choose that sitter. Again, not personal.

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@TravelMan as a long term sitter, I couldn’t agree more with what you have written. Being full-time for such a long time now, I have learnt that you HAVE to toughen up, handle rejection occasionally, handle losing a star here and there, handle bad manners, handle ALL the ups and downs. Nobody is going to be around to pick up the pieces when things go haywire, we have to be resilient in the face of adversity at times. Being rejected without a message attached is not nice, I don’t like it, but it doesn’t ruin my day or end my life, it’s just another not so great few minutes in my life. Sometimes things turn out and sometimes they don’t, deal with the hand that has been dealt you. Accept what happens, have a quiet grrrrrr, pooey pooey bum bum moment and forget it, life’s too darn short to dwell on this kind of shite.


I get these responses too. With more people arriving on the platform people are seeing it as a low cost service they pay for like Uber. Not necessarily in the spirit of an equal exchange. I don’t honestly know how THS can address this.

I had one homeowner leave their laundry for me to finish.