Pet died while in HS care

Owner Questions, Advice & Chat
1

We learned yesterday that one of our bunnies died while under our Housesitter’s care. It happened over a week ago but she just admitted to it yesterday after my insistance, as I deeply felt something was amiss.
She just found her dead after coming home one evening. She left her there for a night to let her bunny mate grieve and then put her in the freezer.

I feel guilty for having gone on a rare holiday, I feel like I would have recognized any signs that something was up with her, but a housesitter didn’t see it.
I’ve asked for more details about exactly when it happened and what she ate the day of and prior, getting no response.

We have 3 weeks left to our trip and 3 other bunnies & 3 cats under her care. The trust is seriously broken. We don’t know what to do.

4 Likes
2

@StephTrep so sorry to hear about the death of one of your pets . Whilst this could happen at anytime, it seems very strange that the sitter did not inform you immediately and waited a week to do so .
Have they given an explanation for why they did this ?

1 Like
3

No explanation aside from she didn’t want to ruin our trip. It’s ruined anyways plus I was racked with worry for days while my text messages were going unanswered.

I went through a lot of rabbit healthcare scenarios with her before we left and asked her to let us know immediately if there was anything at all going on with the pets, day or night. It’s maddening that she didn’t say anything to us for a full week.

4

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you and can completely appreciate how distressing this must have been while you are away. Please alleviate your guilt at this difficult time by recognising you were not neglectful in any way by leaving your beloved animals in the care of a house sitter, and the outcome would likely have been the same had you been at home.

In saying that, as a sitter myself, I find it concerning that the sitter didn’t inform you immediately. I understand that she was probably very distressed and perhaps that would result in a delay when trying to work out how best to tell you without impacting your enjoyment of your vacation. However, leaving it a week strikes me as odd. I’m sure there must be a reason: perhaps the longer she left it, the more she worried about your response and was stuck in a ‘freeze’ state? I hope you are able to relax for the rest of your holiday and perhaps speak to your sitter to find an arrangement that will ensure your peace of mind and the comfort of your animals.

8 Likes
5

Sadly, it’s not uncommon for rabbits to die suddenly. Ir seems likely the sitter is being truthful when saying she didnt want to ruin your holiday when there was nothing you could do about it. I think it’s worth having ‘that conversation’ about what you’d like to happen in the case of a pet death during the sit. If the sitter was unsure of how to handle it, she should have referred to your emergency contact, IMHO.

Try to enjoy the rest of your holiday. :heart:

7 Likes
6

It can happen at anytime, and sometimes sadly there aren’t any signs, not even to an owner. A week is quite a long time to have waited to find out, and it sounds like you had to probe to find out. But please remember it wouldn’t have been easy for your sitter to deal with, maybe she was really upset, she would have been feeling useless and upset for you, and for the whole circumstances of having to deal with a death of an animal, and distraught at the thought of having to be the one that tells you what had happened.

Maybe she just didn’t know how to tell you, it is hugely difficult for a sitter to deal with (of any age), maybe she was trying to find the right words… and couldn’t find them.

I feel for you because I know you are the ones that have lost a beloved pet, but even now she will probably still be feeling a little traumatised by the whole situation that happened under her care, and thinking about telling you must have made her even more distressed, which is why she said nothing. It’s a horrible situation, but it’s highly likely that she just felt and continues to feel so awful about it that she doesn’t know what to say.

8 Likes
7

It seems the owner had a very similar conversation

I understand that the sitter may have been in shock but the instructions were cristal clear and letting the message unanswered is really not an adult way to deal with it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the pet care but I do see serious communication and reliability problems. In my opinion, the concept of self sufficiency is also totally misunderstood here.

If I were you @StephTrep , I would have a very honest conversation with her, asking to improve communication, I would ask if she feels capable of going on with the sit and is willing to inform you about positive and not so positive development. If, during that conversation you feel you can’t trust her, I would then cancel the sit and go for plan B.

8 Likes
8

I did mention many times that if ANTHING AT ALL was amiss with the pets to contact me immediately, day or night. That’s what she should have done. I don’t know how I can have any more trust in someone who did!’n’t follow this most important rule.

1 Like
9

Yes, I agree it’s a ‘similar’ conversation, but it might be argued that things ‘going on with the pets’ might mean what they’re doing - regular updates - or any health or behavioural concerns which the pet parent might be able to advise on. A sudden death must have been unexpected, shocking and upsetting, and the sitter might not have had the wherewithal to deal with it in the appropriate manner.

I’m not condoning the lack of response to messages or the time delay in notifying the OP, but am simply trying to support the pet parent to take a step back and take a wider look at this very sad situation.

This very probably is not attributable to a lack of care, but communications appear to be lacking. One has to question whether that was intentional disregard or sitter immaturity and shock.

2 Likes
10

Fair comment by @Newpetlover .

11

Just to add, we have had many conversations about what pet parents would like us to do, and whether they’d like to know, in the event of sudden pet death during the sit. This is especially important when agreeing to care for very aged pets. Of course, much depends on the required frequency of updates - the sudden lack of photos and messages relating to a specific pet would of course lead to speculation and concern - but, very many have initially said they’d want to know straight away, followed by a pause and then, after thinking about it for a while, have said they actually wouldn’t want to know as it would spoil their holiday when clearly they could do nothing about the situation other than attempt to support the sitter. This, in our experience, is why it’s important for pet parents to nominate an emergency contact; often, a friend or family member - who knows the pet parents better than we do - is the best person determine next steps or to break bad news if a plan hasn’t already been discussed and agreed.

4 Likes
12

I’m so sorry for your sudden loss of your pet, and the added stress of not having been told earlier.

Although one has said one should be contacted we are just people. Also in other circumstances it is usual that in a situation of crisis we don’t know for sure how we will react and if we will be able to follow the protocol we have previously been told or learnt. This is true also in professional environments where people have the education and experience specifically to deal with certain situations. It is not enough. That is why so much time is spent on practice, emergency drills, re-certifying certain skills etc., and why one in some professions even is able to loose jobs and certificates if it is not done or one doesn’t pass.

This doesn’t help you one bit in general. But if one has this as a background, it can open for an understanding and a conversation that will help assess the situation and find the solutions that is needed. The emotional response to a situation - for instance “why wheren’t you careful parking in the garage! I’ve told you so many times to mind your angles!” will not solve the problem (car damaged), give an understanding of what happened (I was busy looking in the mirror to mind my angles, but the pace was a little to high and I didn’t check the other mirror fast enough). and it won’t open up for a conversation on how this can be avoided in the future (drive slower, look in that mirror by that pole). I’ve crashed my car myself, and even that which is so minor in the big picture - you might have learnt what to do, but when you stand there with the result, other driver, other people watching… you can’t prepare fully.

I can’t imagine how it is to get such a hard message while on holiday - or find a pet deceased as a sitter. It is true that rabbits and small pets can die “suddenly”. But as I’m sure you know (mention it for readers that might experience similar), small pets and rabbits can also go a long time with health issues, because their instincts are that they are prey and they must hide any sign of weakness. So the rabbit could even have been ill for quite a while.

But I’ve had to take life and death-decisions for my own pets, also where it was not clear cut and I had to choose between lenghty/costly procedures and letting my pet go. But I can imagine that I would have taken it a lot - a LOT - worse if it was looking after someone elses beloved pet than my own beloved pet. So there is a possibility that your sitter also is in quite a state, hasn’t had any drill, and handled an emergency badly. I do however have an outlook on life that everything has a reason, and people in general want to do good. If the result is not good, then it is nevertheless true although they fell short.

Lots of words in short; I think it will serve your interests to maybe hear a little about her thought-process. It could be fruitful to have an open entrance to the topic, saying that one realise this must have been quite a shock for her also and a difficult situation as a sitter. And maybe let HER suggest what the two of you can do moving forward and how she will be best assisted to be able to sit for the rest of the period (or if she would like to cancel). I think it will serve your interest best because I think it will be the same result, but you will by your actions of reaching out lay the foundation for her to not be afraid, and that in turn will give you more peace of mind. That is my experience also from my work that we often get better results if we let the other party suggest solution (-s). They will feel more empowered and will be better able to execute.

2 Likes
13

  1. As mentioned, discuss frankly with your sitter your concerns and whether they’re comfortable going forward with the sit and communicating forthrightly and promptly. Talk to your vet or the THS vet hotline for any additional info you might need.

  2. If you’re not comfortable even with such conversations, then consider how your emergency contacts can help. Or have the sitter check your pets into care if you have no backups. If you can’t afford care in that case, seems like you’d have to cut short your trip.

14

I imagine what might have happened, especially as you mention “if anything at all was amiss, contact immediately day or night”:

  • it’s the beginning of a sit; your beloved rabbit suddenly dies
  • the pet sitter is worried that if she tells you now, you might return home immediately and the pet sitter doesn’t have an alternative place to stay, can’t change their flight/train ticket to return home earlier etc. Thus the petsitter would be left hanging
  • therefore the petsitter wants to ‘buy some time’ till they’ve figured out an alternative accomodation solution/plan B before telling you about what happened

After all, this is a free exchange and the petsitter might not be able to afford last minute alternative accomodation in case you were to return home immediately, and thus may have felt uncomfortable with the prospect of losing their petsit (while already at location) without backup plans

1 Like
15

@StephTrep I’m so sorry this happened. You must be so distraught, especially with time left on your sit.

Please do leave an honest review. Someone who does not inform an owner of a pet death immediately - even absent the very clear instructions you left - is not someone I would want looking after my pet or my home. Doesn’t matter if it’s because they were so upset they couldn’t cope (for a WEEK??), or were too afraid of their own financial situation to be honest (wth) - it shows a serious lack of critical thinking skills.

6 Likes
16

I’m sorry this happened. It’s always difficult for everyone when something happens to a pet while the owner is away. In my years of sitting I’ve had 1 cat die (cancer, diagnosed while I was there), 1 cat get seriously injured (accident prone and common injury), and one rooster attack a bunch of ducks and murder a chicken. There were all traumatizing for everyone involved. Unfortunately it’s something that’s generally out of anyone’s control, outside of blatant neglect. While I felt a lot of guilt for all of the above, I also recognized there was nothing I could have done.

That all said, what I DID do was notify the HOs immediately. I recognized that it would impact their trip but I can’t imagine not letting them know. I’m sorry your sitter didn’t do the same. While I can somewhat understand her reasoning, I don’t agree with it. Unfortunately rabbits can be tricky and are hard to tell if something is wrong - if they even show signs at all.

I’d recommend that you ask her to do a video call with you so you can see the pets and reassure yourself that they’re all doing well and things are back on track. I’d also give her instructions about what you want done with the bunny that passed.

Going forward, definitely have a conversation about worst case scenarios. I always do now and while some HOs are a bit taken aback, after discussing it they’re generally glad the topic was covered so everyone is on the same page.

Again, I’m sorry this happened and I hope it doesn’t spoil things for you too much.

6 Likes
19

Hi @StephTrep

On behalf of the Forum team, I wanted to give our sincere condolences. This is a tough situation that you’re dealing with.

I can see that a Team Leader is now dealing with your case, and I’m sure they’ll be able to support you through this, please do keep in contact with them until you’re comfortable that everything’s been dealt with.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to pop on and give OP such compassionate support and advice. You’re very much appreciated.

As a Team Leader is now supporting the OP, it’s time to close this discussion, and I’ll keep an eye on how things are going.

Jenny :heart:

2 Likes