So I recently unconfirmed and declined a sitter due to a series of unpleasant messages they sent me about my request to have friends check in with them while we are gone. I offered to discuss this on FaceTime but instead they sent some angry and insulting messages. I blocked 2 numbers and the person continues to contact me from yet another number. TBH I am anxious because the person seems unhinged. I don’t feel safe and am not sure what to do. Has anybody experienced this with a sitter? The website seems pretty hands off with problems
I havent experienced it but I would definitely report it.
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You could try raising a member dispute (those are the words you need to use) but nothing will really happen except maybe the get a warning.
FYI, having to do regular check-ins with people is not something many sitters would be very receptive to. What kinds of check-ins are these, how frequently, and why?
If you didn’t mention this before confirming them and raised it later, I’d be pretty angry too. And if you waited long enough to mention it that they booked anything so are now out of pocket then I’d probably be raising a dispute about you. Just as a different perspective.
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So being angry about it is justification for sending angry, insulting, threatening messages, rather than discussing it? That’s an interesting perspective
Please quote where I said that. Because I didn’t.
I notice you didn’t actually address the questions I asked or provide more context, which raises even more questions in my head.
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Basically, no one can help you in this instance if not THS (or in extreme cases, law enforcement).
Document any messages you find threatening and send to THS, telling them you want to a pursue a membership dispute.
None of us knows when and how things went off the rails with your situation. And you don’t need to explain to us. Even had you done something suboptimally and made a sitter angry, there’s no excuse for anyone behaving as you described.
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So a pet sitter (not through this site) stayed for three weeks and despite my instructions to scoop the litter boxes twice a day, at the very least once, did not do it for a very long time. Possibly for the entire three weeks. This just happened, so I was eager to prevent a repeat of this situation with the upcoming sit. Also, I conceived of the check-ins as being helpful to the sitters, not just for us. I was thinking in terms of their well-being as well as ours. They could simply have refused to answer the door. I never suggested that friends would just walk in. We live in a neighborhood where it’s common for friends and neighbors to come by.
Is this a planned sit or a sit that is ongoing?
Planned sit
Ok, if I didn’t understand the third party policy, I get that criticism. I guess just putting my entire property, my two cars, and my beloved pets in the care of complete strangers is causing serious anxiety in light of past experiences. Maybe I just don’t belong on this site
Trusted Housesitters is an exchange. Sitters aren’t employees. Hosts aren’t employers. Sitters get free accomodations in exchange for petsitting. Nobody is going to agree to have inspections by strangers (to them) while the homeowners aren’t present. If you confirmed a sitter through THS and then told them this was a condition, and they told you it was not even up for discussion and you cancelled the sit after they had spent money on plane tickets or train tickets or turned down other sits to take yours, they would have a right to feel angry. They would not have a right to threaten you or harrass you. They would have a right to complain to THS.
This site runs on trust. You can vet sitters by reading their reviews, reading their profiles, and chatting with them by video to clear up any questions. You don’t have to accept any sitter, but once you confirm a sitter, you can’t change the rules.
If you want to make an arrangement with someone where a third party comes in to make sure they are doing “their job” this Trusted Housesitters won’t work for you.
Wrote this before I saw your last comment. You are correct. This site probably won’t meet your needs. If you think this through, I think you might realize there are all sorts of liability issues with having a third party come in. In addition to this being an invasion of the sitter’s privacy, and no sitter being willing to have this happen, here are some other things to consider:
- The third party could harm the sitter. Who would be liable?
- The third party would have access to the home and could harm the pets or damage or take something and blame the sitter.
- The third party could accuse the sitter of something.
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Telling the sitter you want to send friends round (to basically check up on them) will get their backs up.
Here’s an alternative. My best regular HOs sent a family member round during the first time I sat for them. The excuse they used was pretty lame (putting beers in the fridge!), so I knew I was being checked up on. BUT… I totally understood. I was a stranger in their house, looking after their loved ones. Of course they wanted reassurance that the person in their house was suitable. So I didnt mind. In fact they were able to help me locate something without me having to bother the HOs.
While I wouldn’t normally wouldn’t want people turning up out of the blue, I was ok with just that once to put the HO’s mind at ease. And I have sat for them many times since.
You haven’t said what your sitter is saying, but they should be able to take a hint. Better you find out what they are like now.
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Whatever your previous experience, most sitters won’t appreciate being checked up on. That could anger some, especially if it was sprung on them so late that they incur costs for cancellation, etc.
That wouldn’t make it OK to threaten you (if that’s actually the case). If so, again, you can report them if you have documentation.
If you’re feeling so burned that you can’t trust another sitter without checks, then put that in your listing and maybe someone will be willing to work with you. No matter what, a sitter is entitled to that transparency upfront — don’t waste anyone’s time if you can’t do that. You might make alternative care arrangements if so. THS is just one of various ways to get care for pets.
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@Maggie. I think there’s another issue here. It’s not that they won’t appreciate it or as @BillyBonnieBenji states it will “get their backs up.” The issue is it’s a clear violation of third party rules and most sitters are going to nope that. So if Martbright didn’t communicate this very unusual request till sometime after confirming the sitter, and the sitter made plans, and then Martbright unconfirmed and cancelled the sitter, I can imagine the sitter being angry. Not excusing threats and harrassment – just feelings.
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Yes, agreed. Depends on how things were framed and expected. Like if they expected to come in, a sitter wouldn’t have to agree to that.
I don’t think in this case we need to dig into the particulars, because the OP should contact THS if they feel threatened. If so, THS will delve into particulars.
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I appreciate the feedback and I understand the concerns from sitters. I definitely should have familiarized myself with all the policies first thing. I am not used to putting my pets/home in the care of someone for whom I have zero context. In any case I was willing to discuss with the sitters and hear them out. Instead, they chose to insult and harass. That is not ok, and I am just grateful those red flags appeared before they had the keys to my property and access to my family of pets. Thank you all for your comments.
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I can understand your concerns, but that’s why it’s so important to read sitter profiles and reviews then have a video chat to ascertain whether those concerns can be allayed.
Once a sit has been confirmed, sitters assume an element of trust, so if you did subsequently introduce the fact that your friends would be calling round to check up on things, that would be absolutely unacceptable to most sitters (especially since it also violates the third party T&Cs).
That’s surely relating to your own friends and neighbours - people you know - and when they ‘come by’ it’s to visit you, not to check up on you, so that’s a completely different concept.
We don’t know the full extent of financial commitment incurred by the sitter before you changed the goalposts of this sit, or how close the sit dates are, but I can imagine the sitter is feeling rather upset right now, just as you are (though that’s not to excuse or explain rudeness or threats).
If you genuinely cannot bring yourself to trust the THS sitter you’ve selected to properly care for your pets and home, then sadly that does does seem to be the case, here. Mutual trust and respect and positive, punctual communications are imperative to successful and happy sits for all (and by ‘all’, I mean sitters, hosts and pets).
The best hosts welcome sitters as guests to their home. Would you arrange to check up on your guests? Better to leave contact details for any of your friends who live locally and who might be a good point of contact if help, support or advice is needed by your sitter.
We are currently on a sit where the host’s daughter and her partner live nearby and we know we can easily contact them if necessary. They called round the other evening - at our request - to help with the problematic TV connection and to take opened jars of foodstuffs from the fridge which would otherwise spoil. We enjoyed their company and I’ve invited them to join us for dinner one evening.
You’ve had one bad experience @Martbright, it’s now up to you whether you let that entirely colour your judgement, going forwards.
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While the sitter has no right to become abusive or threatening, I wouldn’t have bothered discussing it with you, had it been me. I’d have cancelled the sit for being a bait and switch and violating the terms. I would no longer trust that you were a HO I could safely sit for and so there would be no need to spend time discussing it.
Report the sitter along with screenshots and then spend some time evaluating whether this is the best platform for you.
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There is only ‘zero context’ if you choose a sitter without a considerable number of excellent reviews, if you don’t read their profile and if you don’t invest time in a video chat, which allows for both parties to ask questions and get a feeling for best-fit.
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Review the code of ethics, generate a legitimate complaint, and submit it.