We have a sitter who will be staying here for over a month this summer. I was curious about any new reviews she might have and noticed the latest one referencing that her mother stayed as well. There is nothing in her profile about a +1 and she said nothing about it in our interview. I don’t really want friends/family members staying here, especially an elderly mother that might get knocked down by our energetic dogs. I’m not sure how to approach this, as I don’t want to accuse her of anything and have her backout, leaving us in a hole.
Hmmm, have you had a gut feeling that she wasn’t the right sitter and that caused you to check later reviews?
For a long sit, your sitter might have got the okay from the previous home owner for her mother to stay as well. I’m going on a long sit in June and have been thinking about asking the HO if I could have guests. By way of context, this is a regular repeat sit for me.
How do you know the sitter’s mother is vulnerable if knocked over? I know some very unfrail 80 year olds and some sensible daughters that would know how to keep their mothers out of harm’s way. If your dogs are that energetic, your sitter might be at risk too.
I’m not sure of the best way to broach this to the sitter but imho you either need to let her know of you concern or put it out of your mind and remember that she is a trusted sitter. Only your gut can tell you which is the right course of action.
4 Likes
@Tedujam
Firstly , this is exactly what reviews are for .
You can just ask her outright . In a friendly tone say that you have noticed the latest review which mentioned her mother joined her on the sit . Ask if she planning on bringing any third parties during her sit at your home ? You can state that you do not want any third parties staying overnight / visiting your home during the sit ( no need to mention elderly or any other reason )
For context , there are many sitters who sit solo most of the year and then occasionally have a parent / adult child / friend accompanying them for part of a sit .
However, this is all stated when making an application and agreed with the host . So there may be nothing to worry about ( unless the review stated that the mother stayed without permission of the host )
We have also done long sits where the hosts have said that we are welcome to have friends / family stay for part of the sit and offered the additional bedrooms for this purpose.
We have never asked or taken them up on the offer but it has been offered to us on several long sits . The hosts said we don’t expect you to live in a bubble for one month without visitors .
I’m not suggesting that you must offer this, but it could be that the previous hosts did offer and that is why the sitter’s mother stayed ( for some or part of the sit ) .
Especially when it’s a long sit and the sitter is expected to be at home with the pets most of the time , it can be practical to allow the sitter to have visitors.
You won’t know unless you ask , so best to ask asap to put your mind at rest .
10 Likes
You’ve left out one important detail, you don’t mention whether the mother was mentioned in a negative light in that review, ie did the owners know about in advance about the mother staying or not? If they knew, then she must have got their permission first, and it’s likely to have been a one-off scenario.
The tone of their review will tell you everything you need to know, but just ask her, she won’t mind, just word it nicely so that she also knows you prefer no guests.
On one of the lovely sits we’re doing shortly, I asked a long time ago if our family could visit, because the HO’s needed to elongate the length of the sit to 6 wks, and they’ve now said we can even have them staying overnight, it’s a lovely and beautiful thing for them to offer, whether we take them up on that or not.
In our scenario their dates changed quite a few times, but we didn’t mind because it was all organised last year, in advance for this year, and we were happy to adapt when their dates were elongated too. It’s purely down to the connection we have with each other, so something like that may well have been the scenario in your sitters case too.
You wont know unless you ask, so pop her a message to put your mind at ease. If she’s a good sitter, she won’t mind you asking at all.
4 Likes
Hi @Tedujam, was her review by the owner in any way negative because of her mother being present on that sit? It may have been discussed and agreed to by the owner. Just ask her, saying you noticed her mother had accompanied her on that particular sit and you just wanted to clarify that she was doing your sit solo. It’s all about communication.
9 Likes
Hi @Tedujam.
Welcome to the forum!
As others have said, the only way to put your mind at rest is to talk to the sitter and clarify the situation. The sooner, the better. That way, you would have time to repost your listing in the unlikely case that the sitter was only willing to do the sit with her mother.
Good luck!
2 Likes
Communicating is key.
I will occasionally bring (adult) kids. The last time the host said it would be an advantage, as it was one more set of hands to take care of the pets. On a sit in the autumn we agreed that I bring them both, only because the host was friendly - probably no need because of the pet. I always ask in my application, as I usually apply for shortish sits up to two weeks. For a long sit I think it is nice to accommodate for it, but not «required». As Silversitters is talking about - sitters have lives, friends, families - it would be natural that they would meet them. If not allowed on sit they can ofc meet them at a café or something. So don’t do anything you are not comfortable with. Sitters shouldn’t bring others into a home without consent. But it could have been agreed that the mum was there - depending on context and tone of review.
3 Likes
@Tedujam
It is most likely the mother only joins your sitter occasionally with the permission of home hosts on a need to know basis.
My mother in law joins us an sits once or twice a year, we always ask the host who this will affect but there is no need to add her to our profile as the times she joins us are very few
3 Likes
I agree that you should bring it up, and the sooner the better. Sitters should not assume that they can bring family and friends. If the sitter would like to ask permission to bring other people, this should all be discussed before the sit is accepted/confirmed.
In the future, you could make it clear in your Welcome Guide: “No guests allowed in our home without written permission.” Send the Welcome Guide immediately after confirming the sitter, and then the sitter will know your rules more clearly.
Some of my reviews mention a friend who sometimes comes with me. If that’s the plan I always put it in my application message. This is probably what has happened with her mum, as anyone who is a good sitter would not bring a guest without permission from the pet owner.
If you feel strongly about additional guests it may be an idea to add this to your listing.
3 Likes
@Tedujam, +1 to wise words from @Silversitters and @Garfield.
Communication is key. Reach out and ask open, direct question. Surprises - for either party - are rarely a good thing.
Relevant here is that housesitting requires a fair trade. That a housesitter has a brief guest on a month housesit is reasonable from our experience - but not a stranger or long-term guest or ….
Clarity the facts. Then determine next steps as you think best.
1 Like
The mother joining her on a previous sit doesn’t me she is joining her again. If the mother wasn’t mentioned in the application or the virtual chat I don’t see why you would think she would be joining on this sit. Did you get the impression that the sitter was dishonest and might just show up with a family member without your knowledge? Maybe it’s not a good fit if you feel distrustful of the sitter.
My 21-year-old daughter sits with me during university breaks, so I have many reviews that mention her (she’s done 20 sits with me). If she is going to be with me I make that very clear in the initial communication and provide information about her. But for most sits it’s just me.
6 Likes
Just ask. Have the conversation. It is entirely possible she won’t be travelling with her mother if her mother isn’t on the profile. If it turns out she is travelling with her mom, then cancel the sit. If you don’t think she is being honest with you, cancel the sit. ’
I am travelling now. I have a great sitter staying at my house. Believe me, I am so grateful for this as one of my cats has had recent med changes and I know this woman can handle things. Shortly before the sit I noticed she had added another person (not mentioned in any reviews but over 65 to her profile), it was indeed her mom, who she will not be travelling with until June so no problem for me!
The first time I had a trusted housesitter, the sitter brought her mom. She mentioned it in her app, and I even met her mom because we did an early handover as they didn’t live too far, but she wanted to me in a more central location with her mom. It worked out great, but I don’t have an energetic dog! Just 3 very needy cats who appreciated a second person to love on.
2 Likes
I don’t think you need to feel nervous about asking, but it’s important to remember that all hosts and sitters should have backup plans in place regardless. If you prefer not to have visitors in your home, make sure to clearly state that in your listing—and also bring it up again during the video chat.
Many people who run into issues assume, “It’s just common sense to…” but what’s obvious to one person might not even occur to another. That’s why being clear and specific is always the best approach.
1 Like