A few weeks ago I had a chat with the HO for a sit I had applied for.
She started by telling me about all the problems she had with one of her previous sitters.
It definitely put me off. I cut the conversation short and declined the invite
So my advice would be take each sitter as you find them.
Sounds like going on a date and they keep talking about their ex. Goodbye and have a nice life!
Your concern is understandable, but you canât punish people for what others did. Iâve had bad home owners, it wouldnât be fair for me to punish you as a result of my experience with them.
As the others have said, if youâre truly uncomfortable, then say no. But if you like the look of these sitters otherwise, Iâd discuss your concerns and past experience and talk about how there might be a compromise if youâre willing. But if youâre not, youâll probably find someone who wonât be interested in a visitor.
FWIW, if I were those sitters who had asked and you explained to me the situation, Iâd immediately withdraw my request and let you know that I understand why you would be wary of guests and that itâs not a problem and off the table for me.
First of all, good thing your sit is still a while off so you have time to decide.
We have allowed Sitters to have family/friends over to have a meal, spend an afternoon. We had a large house and big garden. We THINK they also had someone spend the night because more than one bedroom had been used (we had 6) BUT they (unasked) made the comment that they decided they prefered a different bedroom.
Now, as sitters, IF we are somewhere we know people we WILL ask if itâs OK to have friends/family over for a drink or a meal. And we emphasize that we respect however they feel about it, just want to ask beforehand.
Some HO for whom we have done multiple sits and know us well have been very kind & allowed us to also have an overnight guest.
Weâve used that priviledge once for an adult child, twice for friends.
ALL three times we both explained our relationship with the people (adult child or friends weâd known for decades), what dates we were thinking of AND we sent the HO the LinkedIn profiles of the people who might be staying in their home, again reiterating that if they were not comfortable it was understandable.
We believe the HO has a right to KNOW and SHOULD know exactly who they may have in their home.
All that said, TBH as a HO I would not feel comfortable doing that with a Sitter I had never used before.
Three (four? five?) unknown, unvetted people on a first sit seems a bit much. I wouldnât be as leery if it were a couple visiting or two parents visiting but this seems pretty open ended.
BUT it may be you have the type of home where itâs less invasive: for example have seen some sits where the Sitters are using a Gite or secondary building on the property.
It seems to me that since you are asking, youâre NOT comfortable with it this time or with these Sitters.
Go with your instincts.
FWIW, Iâve never invited any guests to stay overnight, even when hosts have offered that unsolicited before. But I did once switch guest rooms, because the hosts asked me to leave a door ajar so the dogs could wander out to their backyard to pee if they liked during daytime. Mosquitoes got in, including into my original guest room, and I get huge welts if bitten. I switched rooms because of that. It was annoying, because then I had to clean and reset two beds, but oh well.
I agree with Gabba - 50 days is a VERY long time to be in one place without being allowed to have guests. That said, they should offer up information about those they might invite to make the HO at ease. Parent(s) coming to that area anyway but who could extend the trip a couple days to spend with the Sitters is very different than, for example, several 20-something college kids who may not be respectful of the home. (Weâve heard storiesâŚ)
Hi Iâm a sitter and home owner. I own a very expensive waterfront home. I would always let a sitter bring family. I figure the more love on my pet the better. I want sitter to be a welcome guest. I leave fresh food/ treats/wine. If itâs longer than a week I completely clean out and wash my fridge leaving only unopened staples.
My pet is extremely valuable to me. If I have someone I trust with my pet I want them to feel valued and respected I even leave them my car to use if needed. I do thorough research into who is sitting and the type of person I get is not looking to party but if they want company Iâm happy to facilitate. 50 days is a long sit. I would not sit for you for that long if I couldnât have friends or family visit. But of course itâs your choice. You should have rules you are comfortable with. These sitters may choose not to sit for you and thatâs their choice. This has to be a situation where all parties feel respected. People have different comfort levels. Iâm sure you can find sitters that will agree to no guests. Personally I always ask up front if I can bring one of my grown up daughters or a friend before we agree. If they arnt comfortable itâs a hard pass for me.
Thank you for communicating so eloquently, @Gabba. I am grateful because I feel you really captured essence of this mutual exchange so beautiful and itâs the reason we continue to want to be a part of this community. We are grateful to continue to meet folks like yourself in this community.
If youâre not comfortable with it, say no. You donât have to accept unvetted people you know nothing about. By contrast, I sit solo, and have a repeat sit coming up in late January, and the HOs have offered for me to have a friend with me if I want. I donât, but it was nice of them, and they are clearly comfortable with the idea.
I agree. There are varied responses here and it is up to the OP to determine what feels best for them.
Others have said 50 days is a long time not to have guests. I disagree. I think it is the nature of house sitting that you abide by the HOâs preferences and determine if they fit your own. Sometimes, the HO will not want guests in their home, regardless of the length of the sit. It is their property and their decision, and I donât believe there should be an expectation that people theyâve never met before enter or stay in their home when theyâre not there.
I did a 6-month sit and didnât have guests in the home during that time. I met friends outdoors, in cafes, I saw them in their own homes, we went on day tripsâŚthere are many options available, including hotels and Airbnbs if they are travelling from further afield. But when on the sit, it is the sitter who has been selected and with whom the HO has contact, not their friends or family, so I think it is entirely reasonable for the HO to say no to strangers staying in their home while they are absent.
Itâs absolutely the hostâs discretion whether to allow sitters guests. Of course, that might deter some sitters from such sits. Hosts who have a challenging time getting sitters might want to take that into consideration.
Personally, I donât do long sits, so it doesnât matter when choosing sits. I meet friends at other locations, even in instances when hosts have volunteered that I could have guests.
The only time I asked for a guest to come over (for lunch) was when a friend was unexpectedly in the region and we overlapped. That was when they grounded some planes because of mechanical failures that led to inspections across fleets. In that case, I wouldâve also met her away from the sit home, but that year-old dog had major separation anxiety. I figured it would be more relaxing for me and less stressful for her than crating her so my friend and I could lunch. And unfortunately it was winter or we couldâve had lunch at an outdoor restaurant. (U.S. restaurants donât usually allow dogs indoors, because of restaurant hygiene regulations.)
Peoples lives are not linear and Iâm not sure itâs fair to suggest sitters will always know at the time of application, particularly if a sit is quite far into the future, whether someone might want to visit during a long sit. Of course if itâs a deal breaker and wasnât mentioned in the application, thatâs different. But you never know till you ask what a HO is comfortable with, so I donât know the harm in them asking?
Depending on when the request is made, some hosts feel theyâre being put on the spot, because if someone is already sitting and they ask then, the hosts donât know how the sitter will react if refused.
Of course, each individual is different. Iâve had hosts who said in their welcome guide that visitors were welcomed. Other hosts have voluntarily offered to me during our video chat that it would be OK to invite a friend to stay. One of them even asked if Iâd repeat sit at Christmas and said I could bring my husband and father-in-law.
I am a single sitter and visit my daughter in CA for long periods. I have asked, and been allowed to have my daughter stay with me, while I move her out of her dorm apt before she goes into the summer sublet or after a summer on a research island and before she goes back into her dorm apt for the fall semester. I ask and tell them the dates when she would be staying with me. Luckily she did for the latter since the 2 dogs were a handful and she was a great help walking the dogs. But I was clear on the duration and dates she would stay. And the HOs knew I was applying for the sit to be near my daughter to help her between moves.
HO here. I have only had a similar request once, when a sitter during the sit asked if her mom could stay a couple nights at home. I did not feel comfortable with the request as I felt I was out on the spot⌠I ended up saying yes and then immediately updated my profile where I do accept day visits but no overnight stays (unless disclosed in advance). Since then, no more requests like this. I would say that if you donât feel like it and you still have time, just tell them no⌠if it risks the sit and you have no time, evaluate pros and cons⌠and update your listing for the future 
Also, depending on how the request is made - a sitter could add something like âdonât worry if youâd rather not, I thought Iâd see whĂ t you feel about itâ.
This is the approach that i take in our pre-confirnatikn chat.
AndverâŚthank you. Where do you include this type of information on the profile or is it just text?
Like many others have said, it is totally up to you. Itâs your home and you are entitled to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.
In the 10 years I have been sitting, I have only had overnight guests three times. The first two times the host said upfront it was okay if people came without us even asking, and we werenât planning on asking since we didnât anticipate anyone coming.
In the third instance, one of my closest friends told me she would be vacationing with some family members about an hour from where we would be sitting and she could extend her trip by a few days and come down by me if it was okay with the host (the sit had not started yet).
So I asked her, stressing that if it wasnât okay, it wasnât a big deal, and not to worry about saying no. She was totally fine with it.
The chances of any of our family and friends coming to visit us while we are sitting is almost zero for the most part, so we donât bother asking about guests ahead of time. When we are sitting near friends and family, we almost always go visit them elsewhere.
There have been a few times they have come to us, and hosts have always mentioned ahead of time that they can come, probably since they knew that is why we were there in the first place.
I am sharing that one experience to illustrate that sitters asking after the fact isnât necessarily some intentional act done with the hopes the host will feel pressure to say yes even if they donât want to.
Maybe sometimes that is exactly what it is. But giving people the benefit of the doubt and not automatically assuming bad intentions is always a good idea. And a host is always free to say it isnât okay no matter when they are asked. And sitters should respect if the person says no and not take it personally in any way.
Yes, tone and whether someone seems entitled always matter, but a host can easily say ânoâ before a sit is agreed on â thereâs no pressure then.
I mentioned when in response to this comment right above mine:
The when matters close to a sit, after a sitter has accepted (or during the sit), because the host can feel pressured or extorted then. This nuance stands out in various cases when iffy or unethical sitters make requests. Like some have tried to extort hosts for sitting payment or transport costs. So they could say such in the nicest tone humanly possible, but the key thing is, the timing puts the host on the spot. Some unethical sitters use such to their advantage.
Just text. I ensure to provid futher details in the welcome guide and reinforce the msg during our videocall. So we are all clear good luck