You would think THS could get in contact with the previous sitter. Seems important enough to see if they have a shared experience.
Come on THS, why wouldn’t you do what’s necessary to protect solo women sitters? Not the first horror story we’ve heard on this forum.
I think that’s more a THS task tbh; it’s really on them to verify the behavior & if it’s a trend. I’m not really sure how it would benefit for you to speak to the other sitter, other than for your personal vindication.
I am sorry you experienced this. It’s rare, fortunately, and I’m glad you had the foresight to stand your ground & get out of there.
Edited to add re: retaliation: burying his behavior in soft language won’t prevent retaliation, & will make it more likely to happen again while leaving future sitters with the same lack of ‘evidence’ you feel you’re struggling with now. It enables the abuser to continue their pattern of behavior.
I would add the word ‘apparently’ as in ‘apparently intoxicated’.
I would substitute ‘flirtatious’ for ‘overfamiliarity’.
Learn to trust your gut instinct, in house-sitting and in life in general. If something feels ‘off’ there is usually a reason for it. ‘Blink’ by Malcolm Gladwell is a really interesting read that explores this idea.
Please make sure the review is a clear warning for future sitters so they will not be able to get more sitters.
I understand your reasons for not wanting to publicly call out the homeowner as being drunk and concern that your review or that part will be removed and see the flaw in this with the review system as they will take out wording that is “defamatory.”
However, I would not anticipate what will happen. You’ve already decided that THS will take out your review, and leave theirs, and it will be a nightmare and you’ll wind up leaving. But instead, you are already talking about leaving since you don’t feel safe. So logically, you wouldn’t lose anything by writing an honest review, and you’d still be able to wait and write a response to their review.
I would write it from the point of view of what you saw, heard, smelled, etc. So you could say for instance: “The homeowner was slurring his words. The homeowner smelled of alcohol. He raised his voice. He made some remarks like … I noted that the homeowner had several strong drinks.” Old writing rule: Don’t tell, show. Please no matter what write at the end: “I do not recommend this sit.” If they take out everything, I think they’ll leave that!
This incident shows the need for THS to have some kind of “gut check” system for both homeowners and sitters to report stuff that doesn’t sit right or is clearly wrong but feels dramatic, or lurid, or possibly defamatory so they don’t want to put it in reviews. I understand the difficulty of substantiating those kinds of accusations but for the safety of members and pets, they need to do a better job with this.
I might consider taking it two steps further and saying something like:
"The homeowner was not himself. " or something like that which is vague but hints at the problem and also explicitly warning other sitters: I do not recommend this sit.
Some people get drunk. Some drunks are bad drunks. Leave and stay away from bad drunks which you did and are. The only thing left to do is your review. You do not need to go into the gory details in your review. Write up the bits about “the petsit itself was great, their animals were super easy to look after and they have a lovely home” but do include something like “I would avoid overnight handovers having twice experienced John’s inappropriate behavior after alcohol consumption”. You’ll have done yourself and future sitters a service.
I’m not sure what you expect from THS. THS can’t do much about drunk members. The onus to do something is on your review. THS won’t do anything over a host disputing your experience as described in a review.
Your example to me reads he is a friendly person and was asking me personal things about my life that I was not comfortable with. As a host I would think you are a guarded person. This does not tell me there was inappropriate behavior. I see the OP agrees with what you wrote and if this is how she presented it to THS no wonder they did not take action.
Hi @SeniorSitter1 If you read a review that mentioned an earlier-than-planned return (resulting in a two-day exit handover), alongside ‘overfamiliarity’ that resulted in someone not only leaving the sit and paying for a hotel, but also cancelling a future sit with the same home owners, would you apply for that sit?
I think there are enough clues there for it to be a firm ‘no’ from me, and whilst it may not fully reflect what happened, the wording is benign enough that it’s unlikely to be removed from the home owner’s profile. It will therefore remain visible for future potential sitters to see, and is also unlikely to cause the retaliation that @ManifestingLemons is concerned about.
There’s been a good range of advice from different members. If I found myself in this situation, my next step would be to write a review based on that advice, and, if I were in any doubt as to what might be considered defamatory, run it by THS in advance of posting.
Just an update on this, thanks to @Jenny, this situation got escalated to the Senior Complaints Handler and is now being formally investigated (as per my approval). I’m not sure what will come out of it, but I’m just glad the issue is being taken seriously. Thank you everyone for all your advice and input.
Will you still be able to submit a review if their investigation goes beyond that 14 day window? IE if the investigation leads to the HO membership continuing but with a warning
I like this wording
Your clarity and persistence in following through on this disgusting, unacceptable and potentially dangerous situation is admirable and indicative of your integrity and responsibility.
I hope that THS does what it SHOULD and remove these people from the site.
There is no , "He said. She said, " conflict here as there is absolutely no benefit, advantage or payoff for you reporting or “lieing about” this behaviour; so THS would be displaying great weakness if they chose to excuse or otherwise minimise his actions.
I’m so sorry that you experienced this boorish and completely unacceptable behaviour and hope that your future sits bring only lovely hosts and sweet animals.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I would grab my things and leave.
I am happy keeping the hand off brief and do not linger afterwards. Most people are tired after traveling and I am very ready to be on my way. I have had HOs offer to have me arrive a day early, but declined, as they are getting ready to depart. Just keep it simple is my motto.
I hear you, but I think the homeowner was himself and needs to be called out as a drunk creepy misogynist who has trouble understanding boundaries. This is a HO who I would never want to sit for or encounter, so the bigger question for me is why has THS not taken steps to at least have conversations that support this sitter and question the homeowner. I feel that they are not even trying to do the right thing, but instead protecting an abusive and potentially dangerous homeowner at the expense of a sitter who is really trying to do the right thing.
This is not enough. This guy is creepy and dangerous. THS has a responsibility to protect this sitter and other potential sitters from this homeowner. This sitter is doing the right thing for all of us. This is way beyond a bad review. This is dangerous behavior from an older creepy dude. Yuck. THS need to do the right thing for once. Investigate and remove the inappropriate drunk dude who actively creeps on female sitters from the platform.
I really appreciate your response. There 100% is no benefit in me reporting them.. as I keep reiterating, I feel like it’s more of a risk because I’m truly afraid of some sort of retaliation given this owners attitude and behaviour (even when sober). I also felt sorry for the wife as she genuinely was a nice lady and I didn’t want to hurt her as I felt the reason for them using THS was more for her than him. But when I really reflected on everything, I realised she’s part of the problem and enabling his behaviour and their own marital issues is a separate thing.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the main reason why THS don’t want to do anything is because this couple travel frequently, almost every two weeks, and are therefore probably one of the best users/customers for THS. THS is the one who would be losing a good profit.
And just to confirm, all my other sits have been amazing and supportive. No forced overnight handovers (which by the way this couple only state once you’ve accepted the sit, they didn’t say anything about it over the initial video call and just send a text later saying “oh forgot to mention, we like to do a handover the night before”), just genuine people who want their pets to be looked after with the best care so that they can enjoy their holiday, as it should be!
Hopefully by now you will have been contacted and offered advice and support.