Hi, our sitter asked if she could have a male friend sleep over. She said it would be “quick” however it is more than 24 hours later and 7pm so appears he is staying another night which we did not agree to. I’m not sure what to do but this feels stressful as it’s only been 3 days and she is there for 6 weeks. It feels deceptive.
(title updated by Forum team to clarify the reason for posting)
How do you know he is staying another night might I ask because I know everyone else is going to ask you. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this at all. Boundaries need to be set and it is your home so your boundaries.
Probably best just to ask your sitter @CatD but as @ziggy says, how do you know he’s still there? Are there cameras inside (as they’re not allowed). Sorry you’re being hoodwinked. Hopefully he’s just leaving later today 
By what means do you know he is still there?
And does your THsitter know/informed that you would have a means to know this info?
I need to know that before I can reply.
I had booked a sitter for a week long sit. She asked permission for her granddaughter to stay over one night. I said ok.
Later in the run up to the sit she asked me if I had an air purifier. I have wall-to-wall carpeting, two cats, and the friend who was to accompany her had allergies to cats. Oh, and could I tell her about securing a pass for seniors to ride the public transportation without charge. She had not previously mentioned this new friend.
I got back to her to tell her I wasn’t aware of this “friend,” and I wasn’t happy with the idea. We had a phone conversation in which she got huffy. I told her if she was bringing people to the sit the other people needed to be on the Zoom interview.
In the end I canceled the sit.
It’s interesting cause for me so long as we know who’s there and have their info and have had a chance to meet them if it’s a longer stay, it’s totally fine.
For safety and security reasons though, we want an exact head count.
I’m also curious how you know the person is still there but it’s annoying that the sitter wouldn’t just update you to say their guest may stay a bit longer. I’d rather be given a conservative estimate than the other way around.
The burning question on everyone’s lips, how do you know all their movements if you are not physically there? Sounds suspiciously like you have internal cameras which make you as bad as them for with holding information.
Yes, your sitter is wrong. Asking for a friend to stay for one night and pushing her luck. But you are also wrong spying on your sitter.
We don’t have a camera inside. A neighbour told us there was a car in the driveway and our sitter doesn’t own a car.
Catherine
We had a neighbour tell us there was a car in the driveway. Our sitter doesn’t have a car
Neighbours can be a a blessing and a curse to us sitters. Helpful often. Nosy sometimes too. Maybe his car broke down? Maybe he’s gone but left her the car to use? Maybe all other possibilities. You need to address the issue directly with your sitter @CatD and find out the truth and reach a solution.
@CatD
Thanks for that clarification.
You could always be in touch with the THsitter and say something like "hello blah blah. I hope your friend enjoyed staying over night as we agreed.
If there’s anything you need or have questions, please be in touch. As I will be in touch as well."
And see what you get back.
@CatD maybe just ask if everything went ok with their visitor casually and take it from there? I’m assuming you’re in regular contact via WhatsApp or otherwise?
You can ask gently and then see what they say…something may be a miss with their car like @Cuttlefish has suggested or maybe they lent it or who knows what else. X
Would be very interested to hear the outcome of this situation @CatD ?
Did you contact the sitter directly other than hearing it from neighbour?
The car in the driveway could have a very innocent explanation. My partner and I recently did a sit. We both had a car but only used mine at the sit. However one day my partner bought his car around and left it parked in the driveway for several hours. Nosy neighbors may have wrongly assumed we had visitors.
Hi @Tobytravel thanks for joing in and welcome to the forum!
@CatD I like @ziggy would appreciate an update at some point! Tx.
Not sure how this situation happened to begin with. I’ve had sitter couples, and I’ve had sitters mention a person either mentioned as a sometime traveling companion in the profile or mentioned for the first time in a video chat. I’ve never had someone already sitting ask if they could have an overnight guest, and I’d frankly be taken aback by such a request.
This is one of those live and learn things. I think it’s worth discussing in the video chat and just stating a policy – “Due to liability and concerns about the pets, I don’t allow overnight guests unless we discuss it prior to any confirmation.”
If someone mentions a partner who might be there for part of the sit, BEFORE the confirmation, I would ask for that person’s bonafides – linkedin, a work website, something to show that person’s identity – even if the person is described as a spouse. (The one time I didn’t it was someone’s elderly mom, and the sitter brought her over for me to meet when she came to pick up the keys!) This would be in addition to maybe some previous reviews that mention the partner.
I think once you give someone permission to have a guest, it’s a very weird position to say “Just for one night.” That sounds parental. Either the sitter can have someone there or they can’t. But the sitter shouldn’t be bringing it up or putting you on the spot once the sit has started.
Hello:
Our sitter apologized and called us, and said he had arrived late and was helping her with looking for another place to stay after she’s done our sit. We felt very anxious about this at the time but it’s all OK.
Catherine
Hello, yes I did. She apologized for not telling me she had her friend staying another night.
Catherine
Glad to hear that you don’t have any internal/hidden cameras!
I’ve been doing sits on THS for a little over 6 months now and have had numerous HO mention prior sitters bringing over extra guests, without making them aware. Most were made aware by external doorbell cameras, neighbors, and even building concierge/receptionists.
Most HO are against having unknown guests in their home. I often sit with another, who is listed on my profile and will normally be available during a video call, prior to the sit. This way the HO has met everyone that will be in their home and caring for their pets.
A prior HO informed me that their Ring camera captured an unknown guest entering their home with the sitter and leaving several hours later. They didn’t mention it, as the guest had already left once they were made aware. A few days later three guests entered their home with the sitter and they immediately contacted the sitter regarding this. The sitter got upset and left with the guests and returned 24+ hours later. The HO had contacted a local friend to care for their home & pets, so when the sitter returned they were surprised to be asked to leave and return the keys. Sitter was reported to THS (“for treating the sit, as an Airbnb” said the HO) and banned.
If you know that the sitter is bringing extra guests to the sit, then have a conversation about this and if it persists, terminate the sit and report the sitter to THS.