I feel absolutely awful. I made a decision on a sitter and confirmed with her. I had intended to write to a couple of others I was considering to let them know, but before I could do that, I received a sort of ‘not so nice’ response from someone. It was then that I realized once you confirm a sitter, apparently any others you are considering are automatically declined. Lesson learned. I want to write to the others and apologize, and explain that I didn’t know how the system worked and how awful I feel, which is true. My gut feeling is to do that, even if they are angry, or, what I’m asking is - would any of you suggest I just move on because they probably won’t ever respond to future posts anyway. I feel so bad. Any insight is appreciated - what would you do? Thanks. I prefer to do the “right” thing and just apologize. Just looking for feedback please.
Keysfun
A message from you would be nice, but as a sitter, it would be nice to get a note letting me know someone else was selected, but lots of folks apply, we apply to lots of sits. When I withdraw an application, if I’ve had communication - written or chat, I will send a note. But if I’ve not heard from the HO, then it isn’t that important.
So, don’t feel too badly!
tom
Hi @keysfun You are already showing you are a caring homeowner. Other homeowners have certainly done the same thing by mistake, so you’re not alone. I would write the notes. All THS members have a learning curve, and so most of us should be able to relate. I certainly would appreciate such a note.
As an experienced sitter but first time owner, this is good to know. I had no idea. @Vanessa_A can this be added to the thread with my new owner learnings?
I really appreciate when I take the time to personalize my application and a home owner sends a personal message when we are not the successful applicants.
Well, @keysfun I just received a “declined” answer and noticed the HO still has his ad on (with less than 3 applications ). I guess I really wasn’t the profile he was looking for. But it’s Ok. Many other choices. So do not worry too much. We always end up by finding our perfect match.
About 2 months ago, I believe, THS changed the ‘auto-message’ sent to those declined. We still get a pretty cold and impersonal brush off, but it is marginally softer then ‘Sorry, you were unsuccessful’ which many, many sitters rightly complained about.
I sincerely doubt that we will do so, quite as easily, with the ‘five applications and pause’ thing coming in.
Good idea @Crookie - if you are OK I will edit your post and add this as an extra point, courtesy of Keysfun. Thanks for highlighting 
Thank you everyone. Your comments certainly have helped and I’m glad to know that I am not the only one who was unaware that when you confirm a sitter, the automatic decline occurs for the others. It is overwhelming because I had so many responses and it took several days just to filter out sitters that fit my situation. I agree with Pawtastic that a pop up before confirming would be extremely helpful. I am new to this community and appreciate your advice always.
Frankly, I think that was poor form on the applicant’s part. It is just that — an application — there should be no expectation of acceptance. I’ve gotten the auto replies that I wasn’t successful. I never would have DREAMED of complaining about that to a homeowner.
@ArjunaTHS and @Ben-ProductManager, Yes, a pop-up cueing the HO or sitter to send a message BEFORE (not after) the accept or decline is sent would be a BIG improvement. Since I know it works that way, I always make sure I send a message to a HO who has invited me before I hit the decline button. I agree w/@Edith that it is poor form for an applicant who was not accepted to send a not-so-nice response to the HO. If you are so inclined, it would be a nice touch to send a short note to the sitters who received the decline message.
I applied for a sit a few weeks ago and sent a very nice, personalized application that was read promptly. I had proposed a few changes since the listing had said they were flexible but heard nothing. Then a little while later I saw that the dates were no longer available, and a few days after that received a decline. To be honest, I felt a little miffed that I had not even been sent an acknowledgment but then forgot about it. Then a week or so later, I received a polite note from the HO, which seemed a little too late.
Thats fine @Vanessa_A
A quick update, I did write to the 2 people and apologized profusely. The one who had sent a sarcastic note did not acknowledge my apology. The other person was so very nice and we are going to be in touch in the future for a connection. It’s what I learned long ago, it takes a big person to apologize, but a bigger person to forgive! I’m feeling good that I apologized, it’s all I could do under the circumstances. Moving on to learning more on this site!
It is very kind of you to want to personally message the other applicants. If you have the time, I would do so. I have had homeowners decline me with a nice message and encourage me to apply again in the future because they really liked my profile, but there were others in line before me. I feel like that communication helps to build trusted relationships. Good luck!
You are not alone. Unfortunately, “declined” is not the only ill-chosen word for the context on the platform. Other members, incl myself, tried to voice this issue. Sadly, there was no response from the management, let alone edits, total silence which makes me think such terminology is used purposely. Why? My guess is as good as yours. Politics?
I think it’s nice to respond immediately to all sitters and say you’re reading all the applications and will get back to them within a day or two, and stick to that. A good idea to pause your ad to prevent lots more sitters applying and getting inundated, although that may not happen at the moment. I must admit, I do sometimes write to the owner if I’ve not received a response to my lengthy and well thought out/personalised reply. We can see when our application has been read and it’s quite galling to not even get a message to thank us for the application. I’ve had a few that have gone on for weeks with no reply and then got a ‘declined’ message.
Anyway, now you know how the system works and it’s nice that you’ve put up this post.
Considerate HO😁
Thanks to all of you who commented. I have been a HO for about a year now and your posts have been very helpful!
I write a note to everyone who applies to sit, but sometimes"things happen." Recently I was in contact with a nice sitter and we set up a future time to chat about an upcoming sit. But before our “chat date” I got a message from this sitter telling me she got a notice that someone else had been confirmed for the same sit! I have no idea how that happened, and thank goodness she quickly told me about it.
I assured her it was a mistake and immediately confirmed her, even though we hadn’t had our chat yet. Guess I pressed the wrong key, or something! We resolved the issue, but I still don’t know how it happened in the first place.
So I just want to say that things happen and well-meaning people can make mistakes!
Thank you for sharing these wonderful sentiments.
We are all human and we forget that we all make mistakes or perhaps better, we are all participating in the great experiment of life and we learn from each other by sharing these experiences.