At what point does courtesy require a follow-up message?

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Recently, we applied for a sit and received an enthusiastic response from the homeowner. They said we seemed like what they were looking for and asked about arranging a video call that same day. We responded promptly and made ourselves available.

The homeowner saw our reply fairly quickly, but we didn’t hear anything further during the day. Later that evening, they got back to us, explaining that they had become busy. They apologized and said they would get back to us the following day with some proposed times for a call. We completely understood, people get busy. Since they apologized and indicated they still wanted to move forward, we told them we could be flexible and work around their schedule.

The next day, we kept our schedule fairly open, expecting to hear from them. However, the day came and went without any update. Then, the following day, we received an automatic notification that our application had been declined because another sitter had been selected.

To be clear, I have no issue with being declined. We’ve completed hundreds of sits and have our fair share of declines and fully understand that homeowners need to choose the person they feel is the best fit. We’re also perfectly fine when owners let us know they want to speak with other applicants before making a decision.

What surprised me was the lack of communication after what initially seemed like a good start, along with the unfulfilled promise to follow up about a video call. Perhaps we’ve simply been fortunate in our previous experiences, but most homeowners we’ve dealt with have let us know if they were no longer available to talk, needed to reschedule, or had decided to move in a different direction as I believe any reasonable person would consider this basic decency.

This is actually the first time we’ve gone from discussing a video call, and being asked to remain available for one, to receiving an automatic decline without any further message. At that point, I even wondered and asked the owner whether we had inadvertently said or done something wrong, but there was never any follow-up communication.

I also understand why homeowners may not respond individually to every application when they receive a large number of them. However, once a conversation has started and someone has been asked to keep time available for a potential call, I personally feel there is a different level of commitment and courtesy involved. A simple message saying they had other plans would have taken only a few seconds and would have avoided leaving us hanging.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but to me this comes down to basic communication and respect for each other’s time, especially on a platform built around trust and mutual consideration rather than a purely transactional relationship. I try to hold myself to the same standard when sitting, and I always try to put myself in the homeowner’s shoes and communicate accordingly.

Does this happen often to others? Do you consider it normal, or do you also find it somewhat discourteous? I’d be interested to hear perspectives from both sitters and homeowners.

2

It’s has never happened to me, yet.

I’ve been in sales management my entire career and know that people just don’t like to say no. In fact, I have led training classes to suss out those who are serious buyers and those who aren’t. And why or why not

It just seems to be human nature, but also discourteous. I agree I prefer brutal honesty and a follow up every time!

Taking from my own sales training, at the end of the video call, I now ask the question “Is there any reason you wouldn’t chose me as a sitter?”

Or “Do you have any hesitations choosing me as a sitter?”

That way you can address any objections that might be in their mind.

In your case it could’ve been “Well…I’m hoping our past sitter Betty Sue will be able to take the sit.” Or whatever.

Face it—when we apply for a sit, we are really selling ourselves as the best choice. Same as a job interview ! :grin:

3

Happened to me once. I felt exactly the same as you. Good manners seem to be going out of fashion, it just takes a few minutes to send a short note.

4

I’m sorry that this one hasn’t worked out for you - I know how disappointing it can be not to be chosen for a sit that you’d really like, especially when it sounds as though you spent the best part of two days waiting to speak with the home owners at the drop of a hat, and at their convenience. It’s a double blow to receive an automatic decline with no follow-up message, when you’d previously been engaged in conversation with them.

I’m self -employed and do the same myself if someone has mentioned that they want to speak with me about some work. Hours that could have been far better spent end up dwindled hanging out by the computer, just in case they decide to email.

Perhaps the lesson for both of us is to develop more respect for our own time, alongside other peoples’? Don’t be afraid to take a more active approach in setting the agenda. Something like ‘we’re around for a call most evenings’ narrows the time-frame, but still leaves a pretty big window of opportunity.

5

I completely agree with you.
I think they were just making time and wanted to keep you available. When they suddenly “became busy” they probably had a more appealing alternative that they wanted to secure before declining you. I don’t think that’s a good way to deal with that situation, it’s certainly disrespect and dishonest. Sometimes people tell “white lies” in order not to upset an applicant but this was just the opposite.

6

I totally agree with you. That’s actually why we were actively proposing times that worked better while still trying to remain flexible and accommodate their schedule, since they had mentioned they were busy as we felt that the decent and human thing to do.

We’ll probably be a bit more careful in the future and set clearer boundaries, as you suggest. At the same time, I think it’s a pity that experiences like this make people feel they need to be more guarded. Up until now, our approach has worked very well because most homeowners have been considerate and communicated clearly, even when plans changed or they decided to go with someone else.

I suppose that’s the downside of relying on goodwill and courtesy, you only really notice it when it’s missing.

As for the sit itself, we bounced back pretty quickly, so no worries there. My post wasn’t really about losing the sit, it was more about discussing communication, courtesy, and etiquette within the community, and hearing how other sitters and homeowners view situations like this.

7

I’m old fashioned too - hopefully in a good way! Courtesy costs nothing except perhaps a few seconds of someone’s time.

8

Happened to me recently. Made application. HO came back and said we sounded perfect for the sit and could we arrange a call. I went straight back to say we were available that evening or the weekend. Heard nothing. Then a week later got automated THS email saying dates had been deleted. Fair enough, plans change but a simple courtesy email to me from the HO would have been appreciated. Needless to say, they’re no longer on my favourites list. :rofl:

9

I had a sit application recently. We got an enthusiastic response from the homeowner that they were camping but they’d love to do a video call when they returned Wednesday or Thursday. Wednesday and Thursday went and we didn’t hear from them. They got back to us on Friday and we made a plan for a call on Sunday. No one showed on Sunday so we sent them a message. (I think they forgot about us). We ended having the call. At the end, they said they’d let us know the next morning as they were talking to someone else. A few hours later we got a decline with a note that they chose someone who lived near by.

It was frustrating and irritating because we felt strung along. A few days later they messaged us because their chosen sitter had cancelled due to a family emergency. By that time we had another sit. After being strung along, it was satisfying to tell them no and by that time we didn’t want to sit for them anyway.

Communication and keeping appointments is essential. We try to be as flexible and accommodating as we can for homeowners. But there are limits.

10

This was definitely rude and I see your reason for being upset. The biggest annoyance is the lack of specific reply to you as to why after the interest in you. As a HO the why to me seems clear, they found someone they really clicked with and went with them before giving you that chance.

If your approach has been working, don’t change it because one HO didn’t have common courtesy. If it continues to occur with then changing up your approach may be needed.

11

As a combined member, I will tell you that’s very rare that any sitter has ever written me to tell me that they got another sit or are no longer interested in mine. Very few have actually bothered to decline, but some have simply not gotten back to me at all. This works two ways.

If a home is getting a lot of applicants (and getting past the five application rule is easy) there really isn’t a way to arrange the inbox so sometimes finding someone’s email and getting back to them may get missed. The system itself alerts homeowners when they confirm someone that there is no need to write to others as they’ll get a message from THS that they didn’t get the sit, and that may just seem easier for some homeowners.

I’d give them some grace. It’s not personal. It might not be indicative of their manners or communication skills.

12

As a HO, this isn’t right. However, we’ve had sitters do this same thing to us. We don’t take it personally. It’s just some people communicate better than others. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

13

Our experience last winter was even worse.

We applied, had a video chat, it went great, they literally said (and I quote) “we’d love to host you”. We agreed, hung up and waited for the confirmation…and waited - one day, two days, then the auto message “sorry you weren’t chosen this time.” Like what?? No communication, not note, nothing.

I was very put-out. What had we done wrong? What happened since our video call? Why didn’t they communicate that they had other applicants to talk to before confirming us (and why say “we’d love to host you” in the first place)?

I stewed on this for days…hard not to take that personally.

Then, you know what happened? Another sit popped up for the same dates (last minute cancelation of a sitter) and it was FAR FAR BETTER than the one that didn’t wind up booking us!!

In the end, it was a blessing in disguise that they did not select us but I still felt it was so weird and discourteous.

Oddly enough, those same people reached out to us months later asking if we were interested in sitting for them at another date.

Um, no thanks.

14

Above cases are just proof that 5 applicants are more than enough.

15

I completely agree that it’s not personal but I do believe it’s indicative of poor manners and communication skills.

As you said, it goes both ways. As a sitter, I never withdraw an application without a personal message, which I write before pressing “cancel”. I always apologize. Even if THS says not to worry as they will send an automated message. I am an adult with my own values and beliefs and make my own decisions regardless of THS prompts.

16

We had similar from an HO in the UK. Enthusiastic response within 24 hours taking up our suggestion of a video call but she was going away and would respond “in a couple of days”. We followed up after 5 days to ask if she was free - nothing. We withdrew application after 10 days when we knew she was back home saying sorry but we now had other plans for those dates -still no response. Complete time waster and just rude!

17

That unequivocally sucks, and yeah it’s common. Not necessarily the specifics but keeping everybody on the line until they select one. We’ve been disappointed by that in the past, chin up and onto the next! Sorry that happened to you, people can be really rude.

18

Aren’t these common behaviours of THS hosts(not all), aren’t these experiences typical on THS

19

Did you go back and read the reviews/profile of the sitters who they did chose?

20

Amen! :raising_hands:t2: Happened to us: declined for a reason of no 3-wk sit experience on THS and got 4-wk sit soon after that. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: With healthier (!) pets which is not a small issue for a long sit!