In one of my first sits, the HO offered to buy some food for me and said she could cook or get takeaway for dinner the evening I arrived. She asked about my preferences. I said I was easy and would share whatever they decided and said there was no need to buy any food for me. I also asked if they liked Spanish ham as I would like to take them somethings from Spain. They did.
They were very nice and the husband went to pick me up at the airport (50 minutes away) on the way home, he asked if I had had dinner, he said they had already had theirs just in case I had had mine. So he offered a sandwich or a soup or both. I said a sandwich was perfectly fine and he phoned his wife. So I ate my sandwich on my own but they were nice enough to join me with a cup of tea. The situation felt a bit awkward but we had a very nice chat, they both were friendly and, on the second sit, which had already been booked, they really made up for that. They prepared a three course meal with nice wine and didn’t let me do anything at all, they said I was their guest.
I really don’t know what happened that first time but I took it as it came and didn’t give it much thought as all the other signs were positive.
I find that awkwardness can occur when the person being offered something and asked about their preferences gives a vague answer and basically says “oh anything is fine.” That leaves the host having to guess what the sitter would like and then possibly getting it wrong. The second time, your hosts knew more about you and felt they could go ahead and prepare a 3-course meal. When I’m the receiver/guest, I try to be specific about one thing, like “I can’t handle a big meal, especially with meat, after 8pm because then I sleep badly.” As a host I really appreciate that kind of guidance.
They might’ve made the offer and forgot about it or run out of time when the sit rolled around.
Of course, if you offer something, you should come through or at least let the other person know with enough time to make other plans, if needed. Like we all need to eat.
If I had offered someone dinner, I’d do better than a feeble sandwich even if I ran out of time. Like you can always order in a meal or take them out.
Personally, as a sitter, I’d rather order in my own dinner or go out solo if my hosts’ offer falls through.
BTW, rather than asking what sitters would like, when they might find it presumptuous to tell hosts what to make for dinner, my hosts have typically said, how about we have X? Or we’re making X. Is that something you’re allergic to or dislike?
That’s all I can say because that’s the plain truth. I eat absolutely everything and anything. I can also handle a big meal and/or a sandwich.
I didn’t want to refuse their sandwich. He phoned to have it prepared in advance. I had been flying most of the day and was not in the mood to go out and explore. I also didn’t feel offended, just puzzled.
I’m sorry for this experience I don’t actually expect to be fed and honestly prefer my private time when I arrive on a sit. If I were in your situation, I would have preferred to have been shown around then gone out and caught dinner before the other pet parent arrived home. I’m more comfortable at the other end, as I’ve become acclimated with the home, pets and pp due to communication throughout the sit, but that’s me.
With that said, even if they felt they didn’t have enough food to serve you, they certainly should have offered a seat and wine. Perhaps they just felt awkward because they realized after the fact that they should have prepared food (even if you felt it was enough, they did not).
Nothing wrong or nothing right?
You eat dinner before 4:30? Yes, dinner would be expected or at least discussed.
I think they meant if you turn up about 4:30, then you’ll presumably be around for dinner time. But it’s clearly better to discuss ahead of time, as various folks on this thread alone have so much differing experience and expectations, and we’re just a tiny fraction of the THS membership.
What I’ve done on occasion in case the timing is off, travel delays might’ve happened or dinner is otherwise murky: I’ll grab something at the train station or airport, if available. Like if I buy a couple of pasties, I can have them for dinner in a pinch or have them for breakfast the next day.
I mention that for folks who might not feel comfortable discussing ahead of time. I started doing this long before sitting. Just sometimes you’re arriving late and say your hotel restaurants or nearby eateries are closed and you’re too beat to go out or whatever.
Unfortunately it is exactly like this. After a few similar times without any meal or sandwiches oferred I try to be prepared. Nevertheless what these HOs don’t get is they start some bad feelings.
No I don’t eat dinner before 4.30pm - 5pm, but I wouldn’t turn up at 4.30pm - 5pm and ‘expect’ food, if it were me I would have discussed it already, but that wasn’t done in this scenario. If it were slightly earlier it would be totally different.
I’m both a HO and a petsitter on TH. I can’t imagine the scenario you described. If timing is such that a sitter is coming the night before, I always either prepare a meal or order from my favorite Thai place. I let my petsitters know that that’s my plan and I ask up front about dietary considerations. I don’t drink wine or beer so usually say that they can bring that if it’s something they want to drink.
I find that sharing a meal with people makes me much more comfortable about leaving my dog and my house with them.
What I learned from your experience is to make sure I have some protein snacks with me in case I’m asked to come the night before but no mention is made of it including a meal. I’d dock them a star or two about hospitality because clearly they saw you as “staff” and need to learn that it’s a fair trade—not a staff situation.
I find it interesting that the majority of responders find this rude. I never make assumptions. If food hasn’t been in the conversation, I don’t expect it. As a traveler and housesitter, I have learned to always take care of myself. I assume their will be nothing offered that hasn’t been discussed. I would have immediately started organizing my dinner rather than sitting around waiting for an offer. Never assume anything.
Agree that I wouldn’t assume, but if I showed up and my hosts started eating dinner in front of me without offering me anything, I’d think that rude. I think that would be odd in most cultures when it comes to visitors.
I agree but surely you’d prefer a home owner who wants to make conversation with you and just create an all round nice environment no? The dinner is something that people seem to think is the big issue here. It’s more the way they went around it. We ended up making dinner and were happy to go buy some. I just can’t imagine most people inviting a stranger into your home to look after your pets and you can’t even have a sit down conversation with them? Would you really just invite them in and say nothing and cook your own dinner? If so fair enough but I know I wouldn’t as I would want the house sitters to feel a welcome as they can
Curious, did you bring your own baked beans and bread for toast? Or was that what the hosts offered you? If that is what they offered you while they ate a roast dinner, then that is pitiful on their part.
Either way, the HOs left you to fend for yourself. And I would find it awkward of having to prepare my own meal in the HOs’ kitchen while they are there eating a roast dinner with wine in front of me.
Hi @TheTinnedTomatoes. Are you able to give an update on this sit as to how it is going (or went if it is done)?
I am curious to know if this dinner situation set the tone for things to come. Cheers
I am sorry but I am lost here. Do you mean if the sitters had arrived a bit earlier it would have been more reasonable to expect dinner?
My reasoning would be the opposite, the longer the overlap, the more options to get organized and buy your own dinner or plan to go out, etc.
I think they are not incompatible. HOs can be rude and sitters make their own arrangements.
I am not sure I would choose the word rude here but I would certainly have felt awkward. Given that in most cultures food and drink are often the excuse to get together and socialize, it’s not so weird to make that assumption. Much less so when HOs have ask you to come at that time, spend the night at their home and let their house and pets in the care of the sitters. I think, in this case, it’s the HOs who were making unusual assumptions and if they had no intention to follow the commonly accepted guidelines of hospitality, it should have been them who raised the issue.
As has already been mentioned by the OP, this wasn’t simply about not being invited to eat with the HO’s, but about them blithely ignoring sitter’s feelings and needs.
It was an amazing sit! The dog was a lovely and we were only there for a week but we left before they got home anyway so didnt have to meet them again. Gave them 5 stars for everything as well. Was just curious about what others thought of the situation.
I’m pleased to hear it was an amazing sit, @TheTinnedTomatoes 
This has been a really interesting topic to read through, so thank you for posting.