How to decline a sitter gracefully without them feeling offended

I agree, it seems odd to decline an obviously experienced and well-regarded sitter for some arbitrary criteria, especially when the other available options are few. I think some HOs have an idea of what they want in mind, and stick by that rigid criteria, despite being presented with attractive alternatives, as the OP has demonstrated here.

To be declined because they deem the other sitter favourable, without giving you the opportunity, shows they have made assumptions about you based purely on your location (as others might do based on age, whether you are solo etc.) I hope you find something else, and a home owner that appreciates you!

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For those of you that have declined a sitter and say that you went with someone else (but really didn’t), has a sitter ever came back and asked why your listing is still up?

I am a sitter and I did that once. It was after a video chat where I had seen no sign that anything was wrong. The decline message said perhaps on a future occasion, so, on impulse, when I saw the had opened the listing again for the same dates, I wrote to the HO and said I knew there would be no future occasion but would really appreciate some feedback regarding our chat. What should I improve? I also said that I totally accepted the fact that it was their choice and they didn’t have to give any explanations if they didn’t want to.
To my surprise, I got an answer. They said I didn’t say anything wrong and they admitted my reviews were impressive but they didn’t get “the skin feeling”.
They resisted the dates quite a few times. I think they were looking for a very specific profile although it was a very low maintenance sit.

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I am not a host, but in general I take what people say at face value and do not put a lot else in what they said. If a host said that they chose another sitter, I would not assume it was because I wasn’t meeting their needs but because the other sitter met them better or because of more unrelated things. For instance I know hosts preferred a sitter because sitter was in town at the time of choice so that they could meet in person before confirmation, because a sitter had sat before or other. Also some new hosts can be a little skittish and need time to process if THS is for them.

So if the sit was relisted I might well think it would be a new possibility and/ or could reach out to the host. It could be that the chosen sitter was no longer able to do the sit, and one can’t really know that without asking.

For me personally, if a host does not think we are a good match I would prefer they said it and saved me (and them) the time of applying on another occasion. I think a good gut feeling is important for a good sit, and it is not necessarily a negative reflection of them or me if we are not a good match. Or «we are looking for other zzzz».

But I’m sure others would regard it very differently - people are from all over the world with different codes of what is nice and polite.

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I reapplied after that happened to me. No response except a decline.

As an active older person I’m wondering a little about your criteria. I think if you focused on certain qualities and experiences rather than age it wouldn’t be insulting or discriminatory.

For example, while I have a cat sit and cat sits are easy, mine is a little more complicated as their are multiple cats with different health needs. Yet, I get a LOT of applications because of my location. I specifiy my preferences on my listing page – cat experience, experience in multcat homes, experience with cats with chronic conditions/dietary restrictions, site reviews or equivalents off-site I can see, etc. When people apply who don’t meet the criteria, it’s very easy to decline them with a brief, “Sorry, This is not a good fit,” and move on. You can’t prevent people from applying or writing you even writing again to ask “Why?” But you don’t have to go into detail especially if it’s there in your listing.

But I’m wondering what you think the qualities are. My spouse and I (as older people with me being semi-retired) are looking at sits that will bring us close to nature. We look for cat sits where we can be away for hours hiking or occassionally dog sits where we can bring the dog with us on adventures, so I’m not sure age would be the best way to go. If you are concerned that the free spirited sitters won’t be home enough and the retirees will be, you may be barking up the wrong tree.

I want to add to my comment, I was declined, they said they went with another sitter, then they reposted their sit. I reapplied, then I got declined without comment. But in hindsight, that probably would not be a good fit. For whatever, she didn’t want me. I ended up with a much better sit in the same timeframe. So karma worked in my favor. Gave me a better sit.

Better to avoid unnecessary drama. Just let them know you’re going with another sitter and thank them for applying.

But sometimes they say that and then repost the sit. So it gets confusing.

I’ve had that happen. We picked a sitter and then unfortunately it didn’t work out so we had to repost again.

So you are saying that other sitters that applied didn’t work. And you were looking for a new batch?

From a homeowner perspective it is confusing. I’ve had chats where I’ve let the person know I will be offering them the sit and they’ve said great and then get back to me a day later – after I’ve let everyone else know – that they are in fact taking another sit. The homeowner is NOT fully in control of this. Let’s give each some grace. A decline without a note is not a sign that the homeowner lacks humanity or common decency. None of this is personal.

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I think that if you got declined and they said they were going with someone else, I’d take them at their word. I wouldn’t reapply, but I might simply write again on the off-chance they are feeling too sheepish to reach out to you. Something like this: “You wrote me that you were going with someone else. It looks like that didn’t work out. If you’d consider taking another look at my profile and reviews, I’m still open to the sit. Feel free to contact me to set up a chat.”

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I have been staying in beautiful homes, taking care of pets that can just go out in the backyard and getting rave reviews. My second sit was in an RV in FL with 2 five month old pups that had to go out every 3-4 hours. And I was expected to take them to the dog run every day in my car. I did get 5 stars but not across the board. I got 4 stars for self sufficiency. The power cord hook up was cut and the electricity was an issue. I had called the repair guy, there was a credit card for that. But he didn’t find it. It was actually the neighbor that discovered the problem. So this was my worst sit, in terms of issues and place to stay and got my worst review. It was my second sit, I wanted to be in FL and that is all I could get. But it shows how different HOs are. Some have unrealistic expectations from the sitter. And I don’t feel offended if I get declined. With or without explanation. There will be another sit. Probably better, as in my experience.