@pietkuip you misquote me. I told you my response was to a scenario i did not have the full picture on. I try to be sensitive to others and put myself in their shoes. One day I could be a host too… Do unto others. . Etc
I am hosting on BeWelcome (a couchsurfing platform).
Guests have asked things. Date changes, friends coming along, requests to extend their stay. I would never say that such requests were off limits or inconsiderate or awkward.
I have probably declined most requests for extensions. I don’t have a problem with that. Neither did the the guests. (I am not quite sure about numbers, it can also be me that suggests to stay a bit longer.)
@Lokstar I do not quite see why you feel that I misquoted you.
Reading this back and forth makes me feel that many are missing the point. This isn’t about a sitter not having the right to ask. It’s about both sides making an agreement and one side asking to change something big less than a week before the sit starts.
If I was chatting as a potential sitter, and the homeowner said, “My daughter is going to be in town, and she’ll be staying in the adjacent guest cottage for a few days, and t she might need to drop in and pick up some things from the basement. She can work around your schedule, and it would just be one day. And she’s in the cottage for the weekend. Is that okay?” I could say “yes” even if it technically violates 3rd party. Or I could say “no” even if it means I don’t get the sit. I have options.
If the homeowner “asked” my permission for this a week before the sit, I’d be upset. There is no good answer I can give. It’s coercive.
This isn’t about sitters being treated like employees. It’s not about whether or not sitters can have guests or ask questions. It’s about whether one party should spring something major on another even in the form of an “ask” after the deal has been agreed on.
In simpler terms as another has said it is “inconsiderate.” This isn’t a paid platform for either party. We all have to play nice. Both sides.
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Of course it is not coercive. You can say no.
Daughter would then get the stuff earlier. Or she might go without it.
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I’m a sitter and I was about to say Say No! But I see you have already agreed. As the circumstances have now changed, I would write a list of questions or points you want to make, and ask for another call or video call, preferably with the friend who will be coming. Then you will feel more at ease. They should not deny you this, as you have been so accommodating …literally!
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Thank you - you are spot on.
Or the sitter’s friend comes anyway. Or the sitter bows out. When a sitter states "I have a friend who can get a really cheap flight and will bring his own air mattress, and it will not take away my time with my dog’, his statement somewhat assumes it’s OK, because in their mind it is OK. But questions already noted in comments…
a) Is this person coming to see you, then do their own thing? b) Is this person coming to help you on this Sit. c) Marketed as a solo traveler, now within ‘friend’, can be potentially interpreted ‘we plan to have fun together’, with a place to stay, feed the dog and take out to poop. Fun in the City. (Little understanding of traffic patterns and the time it takes to get from A-B)
I’m OK with a friend to visit - but this appears to be for the whole duration of the sit, with little thought, or understanding. Just an opportunity to go to San Francisco for a week.
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Ask is one thing. Having a friend finding a cheap flight and will bring their own air mattress, is another.
Yes - this is my first experience and I’m a nervous wreck…
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Yes - I’m open to a discussion, however I’m finding the sitter is very slow to respond to my messages.
A guest for a night or two = a visit. A guest for 90% of the Sit…?
That might be perfectly fine with some hosts. But all that matters for your sit is whether you’re comfortable with it. And if you’re not, then you’re not. That’s why some hosts specify in their listing that guests aren’t allowed.
As a sitter, I’ve had hosts who volunteered that guests were OK, even when I never asked them and never invited anyone.
You don’t need to justify why you’re not OK with it. It’s your house. You don’t need others to approve of whether you allow anyone else there.
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I don’t disagree with your input here - although, I’m finding it very hard to communicate with this sitter. He sent me 2 messages yesterday, saying he hadn’t heard back from his friend. Last night I sent a message for an update, indicating that this unknown is hard for me to prepare at this late stage. I haven’t heard anything since yesterday evening.
@jmccloud it sounds like, despite reluctantly agreeing, you are ‘a nervous wreck’ It is a mistake to go against your gut feeling. How can you enjoy your holiday when you feel so worried?
It sounds like the sitter is taking advantage of your sit being in a desirable location for her friend to join and have fun together. I hope, for your sake, you will at least have a video call to meet the friend and make sure they both fully understand that their responsibility to the sit comes first. After all that’s why you chose to have a sitter!
As a first timer host I’m sorry you are having this unsettling experience.
I hope it all works out well.
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Gosh I am new to all of this both as a sitter and someone requesting a sitter to come stay with my pups for a month in late August/September. I guess the whole “can I bring a friend” question makes me uncomfortable too. Although I wouldn’t mind another person in the house, the one thing that makes me pay the $ to be on this site is the fact that IDs have been verified and background checks (in many cases) have been done. It doesn’t guarantee things won’t go haywire but it does mean someone has take a look at both the sitter and the homeowner to make sure all are a little safer. I guess as a sitter I would have asked upfront when I took the gig, and would never have asked right before the trip, it just seems unfair to the homeowner.
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Add it to your listing then @Nonnie and you shouldn’t have the same stresses as @jmccloud is now dealing with - “no guests please” or similar. Note only USA members have background checks, for the rest of us global members it’s just ID (but I say that as a highly, reliable, full time sitter who has never cancelled or brought a guest that hadn’t been agreed at the outset) Don’t be nervous, the forum is where people come with problems or challenges, 95% of sits go off fine and we never hear about them. #goodpeoplefindgoodpeople
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It’s so unfortunate that you’re going through all that stress but perhaps you´re taking upon yourself a bit too much? While I understand your desire as a host to prepare things for a visitor, even if it’s “only” the friend of your sitter (who might not even come), why don’t you just leave all that preparation to the sitter? It’s their friend, so it should be their responsibility. If I were in your situation, I’d simply let the sitter know where the extra sheets are (or have the friend bring their own) and instruct them on where the friend is welcome to sleep (sofa? floor in their room?) and leave the rest up to the sitter. Good luck.
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Conact THS and ask them for advice. Guests are not allowed. But even though you agreed, the sitter is not reponding. If they are not responding now, they might be as unreliable on the sit. I would honestly tell THS you want to cancel and get someone else. If your place is in a popular area, and it sounds like it is, you should find an alternative sitter fast. Good luck!
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It’s an awkward position to have been put in and unless there was a valid reason I would say no. For example, if the sitter’s friend happened to be in the area, surely they would have already sorted accommodation for themselves in the area.
As a sitter, I had friends call to the addresses to collect me for a meal out and the cinema - in NO circumstances would I even invite them in for a cup of tea. I have been entrusted not only with the pets but with the HO’s home, which is their private space.
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