I find this quite difficult to write, but I would really appreciate hearing from other sitters who may have experienced something similar.
I recently completed a sit that became much more difficult for me than I had expected. The conditions that made it so difficult were something I had specifically asked about beforehand, and I had understood the situation to be different.
As the sit went on, I found myself struggling more and more, but I also found it incredibly difficult to make the decision to leave. I felt a strong sense of responsibility towards the pet and the commitment I had made, and I kept trying to manage and get through it.
I completed the sit, but since returning home I have realised how deeply the experience affected me. I am struggling with it afterwards – with sadness, anger and also shame that I didn’t leave when I realised how badly I was coping.
I would really like to hear from other sitters who have found themselves in a situation where a sit became much harder than expected. How did you deal with it afterwards? And how do you make peace with the fact that you stayed when, looking back, you feel you should have left?
I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this - and I’m glad that you feel comfortable sharing your experience here on the Forum with us.
Our lovely Forum members are the experts, so I’ll let them give you some support on this, but if there’s anything that the Forum team can do, please do reach out. I’m finishing up for the day soon, but there will be other colleagues on over the weekend.
Sending all my best wishes for you to find support and closure.
I am sure you’re vague for good reasons but it’s hard to relate similar experiences without understanding what you mean. A 3 day sit is very different from a 3 week sit or a 3 month sit. So sticking it out looks very different in each of these scenarios.
Also not knowing what it is that was so different from your expectations is hard to respond.
We had one that was upsetting to me more than my husband, mostly bc the HO went ballistic when I left a very generous 4 star review. Sent us angry, threatening texts. That was very unsettling and I was rattled for a long time with that. I had a hard time at that one upon arrival bc of the condition of the home and found myself tongue-tied. I simply asked “where are the cleaning products” hoping he’d get the message (this was a few days before the sit was to begin). He said he’d get the house keeper to come before our arrival. That did not happen. So I’ve thought a lot about how to voice these issues and it’s very difficult. I mean, it was awful and ironically it remains one of my husbands favorite sits bc of the location (Malta).
We have also learned from our less-than-ideal sits to be better at asking questions and stating non-negotiables. I think in the end we see them as learning experiences for the next sit we apply for.
It took me a long time to shake off the horrible exchange with the HO who lost it when I left the 4 star review but eventually I did.
You could always send a polite private message to the host and get it off your chest. You could be doing the next sitter a favor. I hope you left a factual review.
Hang in there. Not all sits will be great. It’s just par for the course that some will be uncomfortable experiences. Luckily, most are great.
I’m a Retired Therapist so my answer is in response to your feelings rather than any details of the actual sit which you’ve chosen to not disclose.
You’re comparing versions of yourself and judging these versions.
Person A-was resilient, and determined to not be beaten by uncomfortable circumstances but ended up suffering in many ways. That person’s head ruled over their feelings.
Person B-now in comfortable circumstances is focussed on just how awful the sit made them feel, and their head is telling them that they should’ve left…their feelings are dominating their head.
I think you’re disappointed in yourself and your decision making, however I’d like to invite you to consider this and be more forgiving of Person A. Whilst we’re stressed, anxious, or tired it’s far harder to make rational decisions. Hindsight is a wonderful thing once you’re in a safer more comfortable situation. Also whilst on the sit your brain went into Survival mode and determined to simply get through each day….
Learn your lessons, forgive yourself, but most importantly write an honest factual review.
You did OK. Best wishes.
Thank you so much. Your description of Person A and Person B really resonated with me. I think you have understood something I have been struggling to understand myself – why I stayed and kept pushing through when I was already exhausted. Your words about being more forgiving towards Person A really helped. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Thank you. I realise I was probably a little too vague. The sit lasted several weeks during a period of extreme heat, and the house had no effective way of cooling down. The nights were especially difficult, and over time the lack of sleep and constant heat left me completely exhausted.
I had asked about the heat before accepting the sit and had understood that it would be manageable. Once I was there and realised how difficult it actually was, I found it incredibly hard to make the decision to leave. I kept thinking I could get through it, until I had pushed myself far beyond what was good for me.
I think that is what I’m struggling with most afterwards – why I stayed when I was clearly not coping anymore, and how difficult it has been to put the experience behind me. I would really like to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar after a sit.
Thank you so much for sharing your own experience. It really means a lot to hear from someone who understands how a difficult sit can stay with you afterwards. I’m sorry you had such an upsetting experience yourself, and I’m glad you eventually managed to put it behind you. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. <3
Ooof. I would have had a very hard time with the heat as well. I think perhaps next time tell yourself you will address it by letting the HO know you are unable to sleep (a sleep deprived sitter is not a good sitter) and ask if they could provide (order and have delivered) fans or small portable AC units. Or if the reverse happens…in a stone cold place you cant warm up. I would ask the same…for them to provide portable heaters for example.
Was this an area that customarily has extreme heat, and you’re from someplace without it? That could explain the difference between the HO’s answer and your experience, rather than their deliberately misleading you. If the extreme heat was unusual for the area (or, sadly, becoming the new normal but not yet common enough to be adapted to by residents), I’m not sure what could have been done.
I think at this point, all you can do is learn how to better understand your needs and avoid sits with potential to stress you out. HOs can’t control the weather, but you can control accepting a sit somewhere that could make you uncomfortable to the point of considering leaving early.
As for putting the experience behind you - you fulfilled the obligation you signed up for, even when it became difficult. It sounds unpleasant, but you should be proud of having taking care of the home and pet(s). Hopefully the next sit will be far more enjoyable for you.
I think it was better to keep the detail vague as it revealed a lot more about your personal experience rather than whether others would’ve experienced it similarly.
Whatever the reason, your decision making was impacted and that can resonate for many sitters whatever the context.
Yes, the extreme heat was a major part of it, but it wasn’t simply that it was hot. I’m very used to hot climates and have spent a lot of time in warm countries. What made this so difficult was the extreme heat 24/7, combined with high humidity and no effective way of cooling down indoors. I never got a break from it, not even at night, and after many nights with very little sleep I became physically and mentally exhausted.
I had specifically asked about the summer temperatures before accepting the sit because I knew this mattered to me. The reality turned out to be very different from what I had expected.
I kept my first post deliberately vague because I don’t feel comfortable sharing too many identifiable details publicly. My main reason for posting was not really to discuss the weather itself, but to hear from other sitters who have struggled emotionally after a difficult sit and found it hard to put the experience behind them.
I think @BonnyinBrighton nailed it to be honest.
You did your best, but struggled. You are now feeling perhaps silly or annoyed at your self. Be kind to yourself, and see it as a lesson. Temperature is very subjective, people feel it differently. As someone who lives in a hot humid climate and had only fans for cooling I can tell you I spent many sleepless nights looking for a cool spot, laying under a wet sarong, fantasizing about sleeping in the bath. Sleep deprivation is no joke, used as torture in some situations. You did your best, just breathe and move past it.
Amazingly enough, just yesterday my partner bought an air conditioner for me after the temperature rose to 106 here and didn’t cool below 80 at night! So I,too, am heat intolerant, as this poor world of ours heats up. whats prompting me to write is the way this situation made you feel after enduring the situation….i also had horrid afterward feelings when I was frozen in a 300 year old stone cottage in the dead of winter in Marlow last year. The nasty owner told me not to run up the electric bill and not to use the wood burner! Long story short what I came away with was rage towards her, not me. And also exasperation with the untruthful prior sitters. Why not review her stingy superior attitude and the dogs’ misbehaviors so as to warn future sitters? What I didn’t have was self criticism. I love Bonnie’s therapeutic insights, heed her words and let your self esteem rise again! You’re fine!
Hello! I posted a few weeks ago about a sit I did which didn’t quite match the listing and I didn’t have a good time. I didn’t know you can leave sits early.. but like you, I feel committed to these sits and will just push on..
Anyway, during the sit I knew this sit was “wrong” and I was already drafting my review way before the end of the sit lol… and my resentment just continued to grow over the 18 days. But of course, I also felt the dog is just a dog (its not his fault), and the owner was nice enough at the time, I thought maybe I’ll just let things go. But then a few days after the sit the owner messages me essentially trying to exchange reviews, and I sort of blew up. It was the last straw that made me realise, yeah the sit was bad at the time and now the owner is having me on!! And I decided that I was going to leave a truthful review… if you’ve seen my post, you’ll know my truthful review was somewhat tame, as I still gave 4 stars but docked him in a few areas.. but I still got a very angry message from him days later. So, yeah, I’d say I struggled initially for the first couple weeks after the sit and even now I still mentally argue with him haha..
So, for me, I overcame the bad sit by leaving a honest review, blocking the owner, and also posting on here and talking to others. But even if you maybe just write out everything that happened, just for yourself, and then have a think about what you want to do with that information. I think letting the information out of your system somehow is the best way and it seems like you are already doing so through this forum, which is great!! Just remember, there are so many wonderful sits on this platform and I hope you feel better soon.
I think there’s an important lesson here, but I wouldn’t make the lesson “I should have left”. You made the best decision you could with the information and circumstances you had at the time.
The more useful question might be: what would make me decide next time that a sit has crossed the line from difficult to unsustainable?
That could be things like feeling constantly on edge, being unable to leave the house because of the pets, sleep being seriously disrupted, or finding that the owners’ expectations are substantially different from what was agreed.
Having those red lines in your head before a sit can make decisions much easier if things start going sideways.
And I think it’s perfectly reasonable that you’re still processing this. A difficult sit can take more out of you than you realise while you’re simply concentrating on getting through each day.
Be kind to yourself, take the lessons, and don’t let one bad experience convince you that you’re not suited to house sitting.
