Would You Expect The THS Sitter To Contact You? Help 🌟

[GoodHomeOwner]

Hi everyone,

I recently moved into my partner’s home with my dog. Before we left on a trip, he created the THS listing and hired the sitter.

Before we left, I put us three in a group chat. My name & # are listed as the owner on the care sheets, yet she sends the questions & updates to my partner. If I answer, she’ll wait for him to respond or message him privately instead. (To his credit, he’s checked with me most times.)

This week she thought my dog needed veterinary care and discussed it with my partner without telling me or asking for my input (mind you, I’m the one paying for it). She also took off his health monitor/location tracker without asking me, but asked my partner instead (the tracker updates directly to my phone).

I’ve asked her twice to send questions & updates my way, but nothing has changed.

Dog owners, how would you feel in this situation? Is it reasonable to expect the sitter to communicate directly with me regarding my dog and follow my instructions, even though my partner is the homeowner and the one who created the THS listing, interviewed, and hired her?

At this point, it feels disrespectful, and I’m about to get very direct & clear with her or ask her to leave. I would really like advice first and hear if any of you have been in a similar situation before! And how did you handle it?

Thanks All!

[SoloGal]

Have you asked your partner to address her just speaking to him?

[SeniorSitter1]

Your partner needs to add your name to the account. If your partner is the only one on the account then she may feel he is the one that makes the decisions regarding the dog.

[Makelikeanapeman]

It is disrespectful if you have asked her to communicate with you. Next time she messages your partner, he needs to let her know that she needs to direct questions about your dog to you.

But I just want to point out that no one hired her. Trusted House Sitters is an exchange. Saying that you or your partner hired her makes it sound like she is an employee. But maybe that’s the problem. She thinks your partner is the boss.

[WeRPAWsome]

Hi @GoodHomeOwner

From a sitter’s perspective, I think there are two separate issues here.

If the THS account and listing are in your partner’s name, I can understand why the sitter initially went to him. Sitters are usually trying to follow the communication path established through the booking, rather than make assumptions about household roles or who has final say.

That said, once you’ve been introduced in the group chat, your contact details are on the care information, and you’ve specifically asked her to communicate with you about your dog, I would expect her to respect that. Especially when it comes to veterinary decisions or anything involving a health tracker, the person responsible for the dog’s care should be included.

A simple fix would be for your partner to send a clear message saying something like: “Please direct all dog-related questions and updates to [name] going forward, as she is the primary contact for his care.” That removes any ambiguity for the sitter.

I’d also gently question the “hired/interviewed” framing. On THS, sitters aren’t employees being hired in the traditional sense. It’s more of a mutual agreement where both sides choose each other, and that mindset can sometimes help keep communication collaborative.

I’d probably avoid suggesting the sitter leave unless there are other concerns. From the outside, this looks more like a contact hierarchy issue that could likely be fixed with one clear message from the account holder. If, after that, the sitter still ignores the agreed communication process, then it becomes a different conversation.

Hopefully this is just a misunderstanding that can be easily sorted.

[Cuttlefish]

It’s his house & his listing so they have the sitting arrangement set up. It probably would have been better to list as a couple but hey, next time. You didn’t hire herso there’s a sense of employer entitlement coming through in your description of your comms which she may be avoiding if your partner is softer in his approach. If she’s telling him about vet/tracker info etc then she is communicating with the THS host. From memory, if you’re still using the same THS forum handle, then you have had tracker (& tipping incentive) issues with lots of past sitters when you posted your own sits so you need to recognise this pattern and find a more balanced solution for a relaxed sitting experience all round. #trackersandtips

[systaran]

It seems there was a lack of clarity around who the sitter would be dealing with on the sit. On all of my 70+ sits the person I communicated with during the sit was the one whose name was on listing and the one with whom I had a video chat. I would have made the decision about whether to accept the sit or not based on that video chat. The sitter made the agreement with your partner, if her interactions are to be with you instead, that’s a change in what was expected. Personally, I would mention it in the review.

You’ve put the sitter in an awkward position. She made an agreement with your partner (not you) to participate in a mutually beneficial exchange. It’s really up to your partner to clarify the situation. I don’t know what your communications have been like with the sitter, but your post comes across as if you consider this arrangement to be an employee/employer situation. If you are treating the sitter as staff, you may want to soften your tone and make sure you are treating her as a partner in this exchange and not an employee.

[Felinelover]

I am a HO and have a dog and 2 cats that I have had THS sitters care for (as well as paid professional sitters). Our listing is us as a couple, and although our dog and cats are ‘our’ pets, the fish tan tanks are his. But still, during a sit, if a question comes up about the fish tanks, they come to me first. I simply pass it onto my husband, no big deal.

So no, it doesn’t matter if you set up a three way chat, the sitter would (and should) communicate with whoever created the listing. No one has time in life to figure out complicated living situations, so if you want sitters to communicate with you then set up the listing that way, with both of you.

Or, of you trust your partner than really who cares if the sitter communicates with him first, as long as the care is as you want.

Also you didn’t hire the sitter, that would be a different site. Though I understand from prior posts you ‘tip’ sitters, but of course it’s less than a professional paid sitter would get. So if you want to underpay your pets caregivers, well, you got what you ‘paid’ for.

[GotYourBack]

@GoodHomeOwner, firstly your partner did not ‘hire’ a housesitter. There is no employer-employee relationship. Housesitter is a volunteer that agreed to a peer-peer exchange. Welcome to the world of housesitting. There are other platforms for hiring pet staff.

Seems that there are three topics here - immediate pet care situation, ongoing communication lessons and understanding of THS policies.

Suggest that you need to talk with your partner about THS protocols, as some aspects here seem unrelated to housesitter. It also appears that you have not been excluded from some communications/decisions so may not know all the facts.

Seems to us that you should have a call with you, partner and housesitter. Talk directly about immediate pet care concerns and next steps. All of you, without partner acting as ‘middleman’.

Suggest that THS account be changed so that you receive future THS messages. Consider use of a joint email address for THS. Given THS lamentable 2FA implementation then my spouse and I use a dummy/alias joint email account as THS login - that alias email is setup to auto-forward incoming THS emails (such as 2FA codes) to both of us.

Suggest that future THS usage is a joint effort. You engage fully future THS processes - writing listing; reviewing applicants; video calls; selection; communication. No criticism intended, as you only recently moved in.

Suggest agree with partner to use WhatsApp groups (as you seemingly intended) during housesits. We almost always use a WhatsApp group chat that includes all pet parents and housesitters. In practice, one person of each pet parent and housesitter tends to lead communication during housesit. But each person can contribute comments and sell all communication.

Taking a pet to a vet strikes us a big deal. That your partner would agree that your pet be taken to vet without your input seems a conversation between you/partner rather than you/housesitter.

Asking housesitter to leave seems an odd solution and seemingly not your decision. Talk to your partner!

Use of tracker device is totally understandable for a pet owner. During housesit, it becomes more subjective as arguably becomes a tracker of housesitter and, depending on device brand, may cause sound alerts that may distress dog (e.g. Apple Airtag stalking feature). Suggest use search facility on THS Forum to read about pet tracking. Suggest become familiar with THS policies.

[Cathie]

@GotYourBack pretty sure @GoodHomeOwner is well versed in the tracker situation if it’s the same person here before with that name. Using the “tractive” system I believe, gives lots of health info.

[Felinelover]

I think most of the advice is good except the 3 way call. I would think HO and OP should talk and get their ducks in a row. Sitter shouldn’t have to be a relationship counselor. Really common sense dictates who is on the listing is the point of contact. Also noting the partner never actually said to sitter, please talk to to OP.

I think this a relationship issue, and not a sitter issue. Sitter acted appropriately in my opinion, as a HO.

[GotYourBack]

@Felinelover, fair enough - suspect that relationship counsellor may not appear in housesitter responsibilities per THS Terms of Service . Guess trying to provide timely pathway for short-term pet care discussion.

Extending your seeming viewpoint, from housesitter perspective then grounds for OP ‘ask her to leave’ seem unclear as housesitter appears to have…

• Identified some form of issue with pet tracker device; escalated & secured pet parent approval to resolved issue by removing tracker
• identified some form of pet medical concern; escalated & secured pet parent approval to take pet to vet
• credibly assumed that approval from one pet parent represented both pet parents

Some key facts here are unstated. But it’s certainly possible that the appropriate conversation from OP to housesitter is ‘thank you for great caring for my dog’. We suspect that many PP would relish having a housesitter that acted in such a seeming proactive, responsible manner.

In event that any Pet Parent has any pet has medical situation that is beyond reasonable housesitter duties then a paid professional may be appropriate. We’ve looked after young/senior pets; one with a missing limb; multiple pets that required regular medical injections; and more. But we are not vets, so there are boundaries to medical pet care that we’d accept.

[august]

@GoodHomeOwner

Before we left, I put us three in a group chat.

On several occasions, I was included in a group chat consisting of the account owner, a partner, and me. I never had a problem with this arrangement. To me, it simply meant that there would always be someone available to answer my ev questions.

However, every single time, the account owner asked my permission to include the partner in the chat, even when the partner was present during our video calls or mentioned in the listing. Not once did the partner initiate a group chat with the three of us. I would be very surprised if that ever happened, and, just like your current sitter, I would be very reluctant to chat with the partner without the account owner confirming it.

[BonnyinBrighton]

On balance I’m with the sitter on this one.
The premium membership ‘insurance’ cover and the ‘contractual’ relationship is between the sitter and the home owner not with you. (I put in inverted commas as it’s an in house arrangement).
The THS relationship is sitter and home owner, not sitter and dog owner. The sitter and yourself have an informal relationship that they’re not acknowledging because of the risk if something goes wrong so they’re treating your partner as if they’re the owner. A HO doesn’t need to be the owner of pets residing in their home they simply need to be listed in the sit description.

[Cuttlefish]

It’s also weird for the sitter that it wasn’t the HO that created the group chat for the three of them. That would have felt more comfortable with clear comms lines and not two people steering the sit with different agendas. #itsgoodtotalk

[august]

Right @Cuttlefish … and the more time that passes without confirmation, the more awkward the situation must feel for the sitter … which she clearly signals by choosing not to reply to the OP

[Smiley]

I know you’re asking for owners to respond but you have a mix of owners and sitters. I am a sitter and agree with what most others are saying here and, sorry to say, but your post does come across as quite aggressive about what I consider to be quite an inconsequential matter, although you obviously, don’t. Your partner created the listing, ‘interviewed’ and ‘hired’ the sitter. We sitters, as others have explained, are not employees or staff as we aren’t paid to look after your dog and partner’s home.

With hindsight it would have been better if you had created the listing or created it as a couple. Were you involved in the video chat initially with the sitter. Did the sitter have a better rapport with your partner? Were you friendly during the handover?

I really don’t think you should be considering asking the sitter to leave as she is clearly doing an excellent job looking after your dog. What would you do if she left?

[SeniorSitter1]

I think you should direct your dismay towards your partner, not the sitter. If your partner said convincingly to only communicate with both parties on the texts, she would. The problem is he responds to her when she just texts him.

[MaggieUU]

I am very curious why the OP didn’t just carry on with her own THS HO account and simply change out the home pictures and location. That would have carried over all your review history. Oh right …

[Silversitters]

There are two sides to every story

If as a sitter I have concerns relating to a pet needing a vet - I would likely use THS messaging to ensure that it’s all documented in the official channels and there can be no misunderstanding or change of narrative by the host later .

If I felt that host was giving me one lot of instructions whilst their partner / spouse / neighbour / relative was giving me different instructions- I would again use the official THS messaging to ensure that I had everything in writing from the THS host and ensure that I did what they said. The THS host will be writing my review …