@NETime, happy to share insight on our approach. We doodled such question a few days ago on a different thread.
Hi @anon86416762 , yes unfortunately the platform kind of creates this funnel, I think, where of course it would benefit the HO to act nice and lenient and to pretend the sit is “easy peasy” until you get to their house, at which point they unleash their full controlling anxieties and expectations. It’s not always a 0-100 scale, I mean some HOs may mention a few issues but frame things in a way that seems totally acceptable…say they start at 10 or 20…then you get there and it’s 80-100.
I think there are certain questions you can ask to really dig into the nitty gritty of the sit…things I never thought to ask until I had 1 or 2 bad sits and now I know they are imperative. I do have a printed out questionnaire that I go through in our first phone or video meeting, and I make sure not to rush the sit acceptance process. Some of these questions also come up, impromptu, during the conversation.
I’ve learned that there is a type of person and a type of dynamic between us that makes for better situations. In my case I prefer experienced, well-traveled and laid back people who are also not stressed about their money or house situation currently. (That stress trickles down.) Through the forums I’ve also learned to avoid people who are too economical with their home usage. Unfortunately it just trickles down into controlling behavior toward the HO. I’m also still learning to suss out classist behavior. This can come from even the most surprising homeowners, and I notice it more prevalently in some places than others. Classist behavior just means they think of you as unpaid staff and themselves as employer, or they somehow look down upon you as a nomad type, or talk to you as though you are doing a “job” or “earning your keep”. This is crucial to avoid. It helps if the HO has also been a nomad or traveler at some point in their life, or if they. have even moved countries once or twice. I prefer homes where there is cleaning staff, so that there is no room for argument about the post sit cleanup. Roombas are also a huge plus! I also prefer HOs who are experienced with animals (ie that this is not their first pet and they know how to raise and handle them), and relatively laid back about animal care. Of course we want to cuddle them, feed them, play with them…but those asking for 3 walks a day, 4 am wakeups or really specific things from a sitter-houseguest? To me they are asking too much, or at least in my case it’s not a match. (And personally I think they should hire someone.) I ask if the animals are strays which have been taken in and I probe deeper into pet behaviors, as of course the HOs will minimize their naughty or anti-social “quirks”. And that’s one thing to look for as well–do they gloss over everything as if it’s “no big deal”? Or do they make a point to be very upfront and make sure you know what you’re getting into so that you have full agency in deciding, even if it might risk a “no” from you? Do they also mention and give access to the enjoyable parts of the home? Do they want you to be comfy and enjoy your time, and are they realistic about how much time and effort they can expect from you? This shows whether they have really considered your end of things and how much value this brings to your life as well…these are the kinds of people you want.
I have also considered typing up an additional document which is a kind of “contract” for your end as well…agreements you expect from their side, like a Welcome Guide for the sitter. I think it would be absolutely fine and my idea was to use it with new HOs, especially on longer sits. But to be honest a recent bad sit has made me avoid new HOs for the time being and I’m only doing repeat sits with HOs I trust. And this is the benefit of being that great HO, you get a great sitter on a repeat booking with minimal hassle!
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I have been a host for about 10 years, love the site and I do try to be responsible, courteous and a good host to my many sitters (I average about 5 a year). I am dismayed to read your post, and have recently run across a few sitters I liked who were mortified by a negative review, following a ridiculous and unreasonable situation. They also had over 8 good reviews, so I booked them and found them to be perfect. I’m not familiar with what the sitters pay to be part of this site, but am wondering if requiring hosts to sign a “How to be a Good Host” document might help them understand that sitters deserve to be treated fairly, as they are in charge of your home and your valuable pets. And I dare to even suggest that they would get a warning, followed by termination from the site, if they misrepresented themselves or otherwise took advantage of the sitter. This would at least provide some intimidation though it wouldn’t make the situation perfect, and would make the sitters feel “heard.”
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While I have been real and vulnerable in this post, that does not mean that I don’t know how to stand up for myself. As I also wrote in this post, I didn’t include all the details because it would be too long and I think if you knew all the details, then you and others would understand what I’ve been dealing with. I know you are trying to help, but I think it’s important to really know someone and their situation before making psychological assessments. I did have some hesitation as I also wrote in the post to even write the post because I know people like to rush in with their ideologies.
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate what you wrote! That is exactly what happened with this current sit. We were laughing and saying how great we were to each other on the zoom and then I got here and the full controlling and stern aspect of their personality was unleashed upon me.
Yes, I was just thinking also, that I wish I could just have repeats of the homeowners that were great. And I have experienced that so much where there was not full disclosure of the pet behavior and everything that I brought up with the difficulties that I was having was dismissed as being fine. So thank you again.
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Exactly. The classist behavior. That look at it as an unpaid job. That make comments about you earning your keep. Exactly. I dealt with that as well. And I think you’re really right that it’s important to root that out.
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This is coming from me during a phase where I take international sits as a full nomad, with a minimum term of one week. So the stakes are important. When I’m in my home-family city or just doing a breezy 1-3 day sit I’m not as picky, but with week long or multi week sits, the questions and agreements become so important! Ideally I’d do short sits with a new HO first. And only then graduate to longer. I’ve also learned that, for me, the ideal sit time is 1-2 weeks, maybe 3 weeks max. Nothing longer, as I start to miss my autonomy.
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I really think typing up your own Welcome Guide and continually editing it as you need to would be helpful! Especially if you are sitting often and for longer durations. After all this is your life and time you’re investing into these situations. Both sides should have things in writing. 
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@bennetttrish_2024 Just to answer your query, sitters have the same three tier options for their membership as owners do, so it should be an equal exchange. Thank you for being a courteous, caring and responsible owner who appreciates sitters.
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Oh, that warms my heart. Thank you so much for saying all that. I think those are great ideas. I think that there needs to be a little more support for the sitters especially when they are in a bad or unreasonable sit. I have had two sits like that and I did go through the entire process to have the review removed, which involved copying all the correspondence for a month long sit and several phone calls. However, I did not find that I was supported or understood and the review stood as it was. I was of course, able to make a response to that, and I have heard from some other homeowners that my response was really clear and addressed everything. But it is just really frustrating to be in the middle of a difficult situation and not be able to leave and to do everything you can to make things good and then to get a bad review. I did mention this to the community manager here on the forum, and he said that he would tell the head of complaints in one of his regular meetings. Anyway, thank you so much for writing and responding. I really appreciate your care.
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I’m sorry that you’ve been having these experiences. I live and sit in Southern California often and have never had that issue.
Sometimes when we’ve had bad experiences, it affects how we come across. You are a very experienced sitter. OWN what you have to offer in the way you interact with homeowners from the get go. Some people (just like some dogs) can sense when when a person is coming across as unconfident, hesitant, super willing to please, etc and that brings out the bully in them. It’s not right but it is what it is. It’s more important to be true to yourself than to try and please the homeowner for a 5 star review. Your confidence will be noticed by them and hopefully they will be less likely to try and take advantage of the situation. Best wishes.
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Which thread? The link below your response is to this same thread. Thanks.
I’m sorry that I offended you. I mostly spoke generally about what I’ve learned about human relationships in my own long life (I’m about your age). The only comment I made about you was, I thought, a fair and even complimentary restatement of what you said yourself.
I took you at your word when you wrote at the end of your initial post
“So I’m just a little flabbergasted here and a little unsure about how to protect myself going forward with these sits. If anyone can give me any kinds of caring responses, I would really appreciate that.”
But clearly, my response to that request felt bad to you and definitely not caring, for which I apologize.
I will point out that we are in the midst of the phenomenon I wrote about: You are reacting to me based on what I put out there, and I am reacting to you based on what you put out there. And that’s all I wanted to say in my earlier comment. That becoming aware of what we put out there in the world is essential to understanding why other people react to us as they do. And that changing what we put out into the world is key to changing what we receive back.
I’m glad you got other responses in this topic that you found helpful and I apologize for disturbing you. I thought about deleting my own comment that you didn’t like, but other people have ‘liked’ it so I’ll leave it up at least for now.
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Lots of great advice in here! Thanks for sharing it.
A few months ago, a sitter did post the contract that they send to HOs. I can’t recall in what topic, though. It was incredibly detailed which many of us thought would be offputting. Something short and simple seems best. It would be nice if THS sent something like that automatically to HOs.
Thank you!
Questions matter a lot. Yours are excellent.
After the basics like that, and the conversation is warmed up, I ask questions that could reveal what might not work well and how we would work together if something comes up. I ask what else after their first response…that allows any overly micro-managing/non-thankful tendencies to come out. I get that people are nervous. I would be too. These questions help us build trust and Routines that will work or reveal a greater chance of it going south (bad).
I’m accustomed to quickly raising pet behaviors that might not be normal so you would know and we could figure out if anything needs to be done. Does that work for you, or do you prefer a wait and see approach? (And I can give an example.)
I want to make sure this is as stress free as possible for you. What are your pet peeves about how (the pet) or house are taken care of, if any? Is there anything that would push your buttons?
Especially for first time HO, I ask what will help you to know your home and pet are well cared for? Usually they say updates or something along these lines.
If someone seems very particular about how clean or tidy their place is, I’ve raised the suggestion of having their housekeeping come the day of the turnover so its exactly as they’re accustomed to. I do always include in my comms that I tidy up the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and any space I use and say I’ll put the sheets & towels into the wash unless they prefer something else.
All this helps me get a sense of how we’ll partner to all have a good sit.
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@rachel, great open questions.
We ask similar open question on arrival at property … is there anything about pet(s) or property that you’re concerned about? Quite a few pet parents have responded … well, there’s this one thing. Could be pet issue (recent injury, medication, dog food delivery, etc) or a property concern (appliance not working, item recently broken, maintenance matter). Whatever the response, if one given, it’s better to briefly upfront discuss in person rather than troubleshoot later over WhatsApp.
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It’s OK. I just needed to stand up for myself. I think I was fairly clear in the beginning saying that I just wanted some help about how to screen homeowners. I can understand from reading what you highlighted, that you may have interpreted it differently.
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